Campaign News Feed
Jstas
Posts: 14,842
Hooters Enters In To Agreement With Presidential Hopeful
For Immediate Release
AP News Service
Friday May 30th, 2008 9:06 PM
ATLANTA -- Hooters Inc announced today that it has entered into an agreement to provide staff uniform consultation to the dorokusai Presidential campaign and pending an election victory, consultation to the dorokusai Presidential Cabinet. This is a boon to the Hooters organization in addition to a drastic departure from current business models for the organization. However, it does seem to be more feasible for the company. One only has to remember the catastrophic failure that was Hooters Airlines for an example of how a solid business plan can go dreadfully wrong.
A spokesman for Hooters Inc addressed the press at a dorokusai press conference intended to announce this landmark development. He had this to say "Hey! We're not just all about "**** and beer"! Remember our motto! Delightfully tacky yet unrefined! Or wait, maybe you shouldn't remember out motto. Either way! Y'all can't tell me that y'all don't like lookin' at Hooters girls...unless you're like **** or somethin'! Besides who doesn't wanna..." At that point dorokusai stepped in and shoved the apparently drunk Hooters spokesman aside and issued a statement extolling the virtues of this business deal and what it will mean for not only the economy but the morale of a nation. He declined to go in to details and rather stated that he would be releasing an official statement at a later date to give his financial analyst team headed by the Chairman of the Reserve, Shack, time to go over the numbers.
dorokusai Presidential Campaign Creates Policy Of Hiring Women Between The Ages Of 18 And 30
For Immediate Release
AP News Service
Friday May 30th, 2008 11:14 PM
BALTIMORE -- Much to the ire of womens rights groups and general decency, the dorokusai campaign released a statement today stating that they have submitted a proposal to hire only nubile, young females between the ages of 18-30 for all government positions that require contact with the general public. Needless to say, there was outrage. Several womens rights, civil rights and even ****/**** alliances expressed extreme outrage at just the mere suggestion that such a policy would be put in to place. Cfrizz, a fellow presidential candidate released a statement stating that it is offensive to common decency and sensibilities.
The dorokusai campaign held a press conference to address concerns. ZombieBoy2000 presided over the conference. At the beginning of the conference he stated that he would be the one asking the questions around there so everyone just shut up and listen. He then paraded a series of grotesque men and women up one side of the stage and a bevy of young, nubile, blonde co-eds giggling and waving. He the issued this statement. "Look here, this is how it works. Would you rather have Pete the trashman collecting your trash in a filthy trash truck or would you rather look out your window in the morning when Chrissy, Hope and Justine here wake you with crashing trash cans? Yeah, I would rather see these 3 too. Sorry Pete, you're fired. You know what to do. Now would you rather see Rita the DMV Troll here glaring at you and barking at you about an improper form filled out with a voice that sounds like a quarry's worth of gravel is stuck in her goiter or would rather have Carrie here to help you with your forms? Yeah, me too. Rita, hit the bricks and find a bridge to crawl under, toots, you're **** is like peaches, canned! See what I mean? Look how easy it'll be! Who could complain to a girl like Carrie here? How can you be mad at such a sweet young thing? Big deal if her career is over by 30, she might "hit the wall" before then too, who knows? But me, I know I'd rather be surrounded by flocks of sweet, young, nubile **** every day than deal with 5 more minutes of Rita! Who's with me? I know you all are so vote for dorokusai 'cause there's tons more where this came from! If you're not with me, you're probably ugly anyway and who needs ya?"
The Head of the Department of Labor for the dorokusai campaign was unavailable for comment. ZombieBoy2000 issued this statement: " Oh, Ricardo? Oh, he's still firmly entrenched in the grueling "interview" process. See that? See what I'm doing here with quotes and my fingers? That means there is a double entendre there! I really like those! they're "fun"! See! I did it again! Dang! I'm awesome!"
dorokusai Presidential Campaign Signs International Agreement With Canadian Ministry
For Immediate Release
AP News Service
Friday May 31th, 2008 11:38 AM
YELLOWKNIFE, NORTHERN TERRITORY, CANADA -- The dorokusai campaign, in an unprecedented move, signed an agreement yesterday with the head of a local fish mongering union in Yellowknife, a small town in extreme northern Canada.
This an unprecedented maneuver by the dorokusai campaign to begin the work of repairing already damaged foreign relations. This is also an economic strong point that could signal the era of NAFTA being more than just a lame duck.
The dorokusai campaign released the following statement. "We believe that this move will be a great boon to not only the campaign but to overall relations in general. Janmike is a good guy and we are proud to have him on board to work with the Ministry of Foreign Relations. We see this as a major step in becoming more of an economical ally with Canada so we can drag them out of the Stone Age and finally put an end all that silly French-Canadian BS. Besides, what does this country do better than conquer other countries without them really knowing? Here's to Canada, America's Hat!" dorokusai then hoisted what seemed to be his 20th Molson Canadian of the day and shouted "Canada, the 51st State!" He then gave two thumbs up and smiled moroningly at the crowd.
Jstas, the dorokusai Minister Of Information immediately took the podium and issued the following statement. "You'll have forgive Mr Dorokusai, our new Canadian relations team has brought with them a large amount of Molson beers in various flavors to help celebrate this landmark decision. We warned him that it wasn't beer of the Molson Export variety he is used to and to be careful but it seems the revelry got the best of him! We are very proud to be working with our Canadian brethren and relish in the thought of what the future holds for the stellar relationship! Besides, Janmike, being a TRUE Canadian, has a flip top head! He stands in the corner and we play paper wad basketball with him! It all works out great!" At the point, dorokusai jumped back on to the mic and with slurred speech and erratic motor skills spilled beer on the podium and shouted into the mic "Besides! He bribed me with free fish! How can you say no to free fish?" At that point RuSsMaN, the dorokusai campaign Herald pulled dorokusai away from the mic and Jstas retook the podium and stated "Hey hey! What that all aboot, eh? HA HA HA HA!!! But seriously folks, you've been great! We'll be here all weekend! Try the veal! Thanks and have a great time! Vote Doro!"
The dorokusai campaign will be in Yellowknife touring the local fish mongering facilities and attending conferences and small junkets to boost support for the Foreign Relations program they are putting in place.
For Immediate Release
AP News Service
Friday May 30th, 2008 9:06 PM
ATLANTA -- Hooters Inc announced today that it has entered into an agreement to provide staff uniform consultation to the dorokusai Presidential campaign and pending an election victory, consultation to the dorokusai Presidential Cabinet. This is a boon to the Hooters organization in addition to a drastic departure from current business models for the organization. However, it does seem to be more feasible for the company. One only has to remember the catastrophic failure that was Hooters Airlines for an example of how a solid business plan can go dreadfully wrong.
A spokesman for Hooters Inc addressed the press at a dorokusai press conference intended to announce this landmark development. He had this to say "Hey! We're not just all about "**** and beer"! Remember our motto! Delightfully tacky yet unrefined! Or wait, maybe you shouldn't remember out motto. Either way! Y'all can't tell me that y'all don't like lookin' at Hooters girls...unless you're like **** or somethin'! Besides who doesn't wanna..." At that point dorokusai stepped in and shoved the apparently drunk Hooters spokesman aside and issued a statement extolling the virtues of this business deal and what it will mean for not only the economy but the morale of a nation. He declined to go in to details and rather stated that he would be releasing an official statement at a later date to give his financial analyst team headed by the Chairman of the Reserve, Shack, time to go over the numbers.
dorokusai Presidential Campaign Creates Policy Of Hiring Women Between The Ages Of 18 And 30
For Immediate Release
AP News Service
Friday May 30th, 2008 11:14 PM
BALTIMORE -- Much to the ire of womens rights groups and general decency, the dorokusai campaign released a statement today stating that they have submitted a proposal to hire only nubile, young females between the ages of 18-30 for all government positions that require contact with the general public. Needless to say, there was outrage. Several womens rights, civil rights and even ****/**** alliances expressed extreme outrage at just the mere suggestion that such a policy would be put in to place. Cfrizz, a fellow presidential candidate released a statement stating that it is offensive to common decency and sensibilities.
The dorokusai campaign held a press conference to address concerns. ZombieBoy2000 presided over the conference. At the beginning of the conference he stated that he would be the one asking the questions around there so everyone just shut up and listen. He then paraded a series of grotesque men and women up one side of the stage and a bevy of young, nubile, blonde co-eds giggling and waving. He the issued this statement. "Look here, this is how it works. Would you rather have Pete the trashman collecting your trash in a filthy trash truck or would you rather look out your window in the morning when Chrissy, Hope and Justine here wake you with crashing trash cans? Yeah, I would rather see these 3 too. Sorry Pete, you're fired. You know what to do. Now would you rather see Rita the DMV Troll here glaring at you and barking at you about an improper form filled out with a voice that sounds like a quarry's worth of gravel is stuck in her goiter or would rather have Carrie here to help you with your forms? Yeah, me too. Rita, hit the bricks and find a bridge to crawl under, toots, you're **** is like peaches, canned! See what I mean? Look how easy it'll be! Who could complain to a girl like Carrie here? How can you be mad at such a sweet young thing? Big deal if her career is over by 30, she might "hit the wall" before then too, who knows? But me, I know I'd rather be surrounded by flocks of sweet, young, nubile **** every day than deal with 5 more minutes of Rita! Who's with me? I know you all are so vote for dorokusai 'cause there's tons more where this came from! If you're not with me, you're probably ugly anyway and who needs ya?"
The Head of the Department of Labor for the dorokusai campaign was unavailable for comment. ZombieBoy2000 issued this statement: " Oh, Ricardo? Oh, he's still firmly entrenched in the grueling "interview" process. See that? See what I'm doing here with quotes and my fingers? That means there is a double entendre there! I really like those! they're "fun"! See! I did it again! Dang! I'm awesome!"
dorokusai Presidential Campaign Signs International Agreement With Canadian Ministry
For Immediate Release
AP News Service
Friday May 31th, 2008 11:38 AM
YELLOWKNIFE, NORTHERN TERRITORY, CANADA -- The dorokusai campaign, in an unprecedented move, signed an agreement yesterday with the head of a local fish mongering union in Yellowknife, a small town in extreme northern Canada.
This an unprecedented maneuver by the dorokusai campaign to begin the work of repairing already damaged foreign relations. This is also an economic strong point that could signal the era of NAFTA being more than just a lame duck.
The dorokusai campaign released the following statement. "We believe that this move will be a great boon to not only the campaign but to overall relations in general. Janmike is a good guy and we are proud to have him on board to work with the Ministry of Foreign Relations. We see this as a major step in becoming more of an economical ally with Canada so we can drag them out of the Stone Age and finally put an end all that silly French-Canadian BS. Besides, what does this country do better than conquer other countries without them really knowing? Here's to Canada, America's Hat!" dorokusai then hoisted what seemed to be his 20th Molson Canadian of the day and shouted "Canada, the 51st State!" He then gave two thumbs up and smiled moroningly at the crowd.
Jstas, the dorokusai Minister Of Information immediately took the podium and issued the following statement. "You'll have forgive Mr Dorokusai, our new Canadian relations team has brought with them a large amount of Molson beers in various flavors to help celebrate this landmark decision. We warned him that it wasn't beer of the Molson Export variety he is used to and to be careful but it seems the revelry got the best of him! We are very proud to be working with our Canadian brethren and relish in the thought of what the future holds for the stellar relationship! Besides, Janmike, being a TRUE Canadian, has a flip top head! He stands in the corner and we play paper wad basketball with him! It all works out great!" At the point, dorokusai jumped back on to the mic and with slurred speech and erratic motor skills spilled beer on the podium and shouted into the mic "Besides! He bribed me with free fish! How can you say no to free fish?" At that point RuSsMaN, the dorokusai campaign Herald pulled dorokusai away from the mic and Jstas retook the podium and stated "Hey hey! What that all aboot, eh? HA HA HA HA!!! But seriously folks, you've been great! We'll be here all weekend! Try the veal! Thanks and have a great time! Vote Doro!"
The dorokusai campaign will be in Yellowknife touring the local fish mongering facilities and attending conferences and small junkets to boost support for the Foreign Relations program they are putting in place.
Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you!
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you!
Post edited by Jstas on
Comments
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You see him quite often in "The Riverfront Times" and "The Evening Whirl".Sal Palooza
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Here's one of the applicants prior to being stuffed in the trunk of George Grands' Craprice Classic.CTC BBQ Amplifier, Sonic Frontiers Line3 Pre-Amplifier and Wadia 581 SACD player. Speakers? Always changing but for now, Mission Argonauts I picked up for $50 bucks, mint.
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While performing in Annapolis, Maryland, the all male review "Thunder From Down Under" had their rental van, along with all of their costumes, stolen. Among the costumes were ones inspired by the movies "300" and "Pirates of the Carribean" and featured break away pants and assless chaps.
While no suspects have been apprehended, a burnt orange Avalanche was seen leaving the vicinity shortly after the theft.Wristwatch--->Crisco -
While performing in Annapolis, Maryland, the all male review "Thunder From Down Under" had their rental van, along with all of their costumes, stolen. Among the costumes were ones inspired by the movies "300" and "Pirates of the Carribean" and featured break away pants and assless chaps.
While no suspects have been apprehended, a burnt orange Avalanche was seen leaving the vicinity shortly after the theft.
My sources tell me that this report is completely unsubstantiated and is a weak attempt to discredit the dorokusai campaign.
It is already well known that the dorokusai campaign operates without pants and assless chaps are for formal ceremonies only.Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you! -
It could very well be an attempt by the F1Nut campaign to discredit the dorokusai camp. They are both based in the Baltimore/Annapolis area. After the pictures of F1 with the "Mr. Midwest Leather" title holder, either candidate could have a use for such costumes....Wristwatch--->Crisco
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It could very well be an attempt by the F1Nut campaign to discredit the dorokusai camp. They are both based in the Baltimore/Annapolis area. After the pictures of F1 with the "Mr. Midwest Leather" title holder, either candidate could have a use for such costumes....
The F1nut campaign is already under intense scrutiny and watched carefully. They are not but a bunch of nere-do-wells over there!
You on the other hand, you have been identified by reeltrouble1's Homeland Security and are being sought for detention and questioning.Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you! -
You on the other hand, you have been identified by reeltrouble1's Homeland Security and are being sought for detention and questioning.
That is of no concern to me. He has no real power......yet.Wristwatch--->Crisco -
That is of no concern to me. He has no real power......yet.
I dunno, everyone who opposes him seems to have some nasty tidbit show up in the news about them. He has ways of knowing...things...about people.Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you! -
The thing about power is those who have it act and those who do not talk, do not get to concerned about those fellows in the ninja suits knocking on your door, afterall, we are from the government and we are here to help you.
First we detain
Then we search
Then we restrain
You sit on the perch
After we finish we send the leftover meat and rags to the IRS for a clean bone picking.
Fact is we serve any and all Presidents so no matter who wins we will be there.
RT1
