Clubpolk Santa Letters

RuSsMaN
RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
edited December 2007 in The Clubhouse
Dear Santa,

I know my behavior has been spotty this year, but I pray to you for forgiveness. You are the only one that can forgive me most merciful Santa. Your compassionate grace is what made blind men walk again, and those who are deaf so funny sounding. Please most gracious and giant Santa, assist me with thy mace, so that I might smite my enemies and cause them permanent damage around the taint when they are glancing away.

I beseech thee, oh Kringle, you must help me. You are my only hope. Boba Fett is near, and he's as horny as a three dollar bill. In return for your forgiveness, oh Jolly-Nick all I ask for is a new car of some sort. Something sporty, but not too "look at me, I have a small ****". Basically, nothing Jesse would drive.

I have a friend named Dorokusai. His real name is Mark, but some people call him Doro. He's my best friend. I hope I don't have to kill him anytime soon. I have another friend named Troy, but I don't like him that much. In fact, one of these days I'm going to chop his head off with a hoe.

I must go now, Subject of 12 days. Please consider my requests and respond only positively, because everyone knows I am the only one that still believes in you, except that Virginia girl. But that was like a hundred years ago, and she's dead. Just like Dale Earnhardt.

Cheers,
Russ

PS, Please pass this to John Ritter when you are finished.
Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
Post edited by RuSsMaN on
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Comments

  • ninerbj
    ninerbj Posts: 870
    edited December 2007
    Lmao!!!!!
    "she had the body of Venus, with arms."
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  • F1nut
    F1nut Posts: 50,442
    edited December 2007
    I drive the Bang Bus, you wish you did.
    Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."

    President of Club Polk

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  • BaggedLancer
    BaggedLancer Posts: 6,371
    edited December 2007
    F1nut wrote: »
    I drive the Bang Bus, you wish you did.

    haha :cool:
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited December 2007
    ROTFLMAO!!!!

    That's the Russ I remember when I first came aboard!
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  • PolkThug
    PolkThug Posts: 7,532
    edited December 2007
    I think that's his same letter from '06. That's two years in a row of spotty behavior. :)
    Never Forget
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  • ohskigod
    ohskigod Posts: 6,502
    edited December 2007
    someone just scored tickets for that Amtrack to Hell :D
    Living Room 2 Channel -
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    Upstairs 2 Channel Rig -
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  • Fireman32
    Fireman32 Posts: 4,845
    edited December 2007
    Wayyyyyyy to funny.
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  • ohskigod
    ohskigod Posts: 6,502
    edited December 2007
    Fireman32 wrote: »
    Wayyyyyyy to funny.

    I know you got tickets to the train, right next to me.

    Grassi or Scott are still going to be the conductor

    (inside joke folks, move along....nothing to see here)
    Living Room 2 Channel -
    Schiit SYS Passive Pre. Jolida CD player. Songbird streamer. California Audio Labs Sigma II DAC, DIY 300as1/a1 Ice modules Class D amp. LSi15 with MM842 woofer upgrade, Nordost Blue Heaven and Unity interconnects.

    Upstairs 2 Channel Rig -
    Prometheus Ref. TVC passive pre, SAE A-205 Amp, Wiim pro streamer and Topping E50 DAC, California Audio Labs DX1 CD player, Von Schweikert VR3.5 speakers.

    Studio Rig - Scarlett 18i20(Gen3) DAW, Mac Mini, Aiyma A07 Max (BridgedX2), Totem Mites
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  • shack
    shack Posts: 11,154
    edited December 2007
    Dear Santa,

    Based on his letter, Russ obviously doesn't deserve ANYTHING. Please pass right over his house and give me all the good stuff (electronics, booze, etc..). All the other stuff you were going to give him like Sponge Bob underwear, soap on a rope w/KY combo set and Michael Bolton CDs you can give to Mark. I think he would appreciate them.

    Your friend,

    Shack
    "Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right." - Ricky Gervais

    "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase

    "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson
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  • Strong Bad
    Strong Bad Posts: 4,277
    edited December 2007
    shack wrote: »
    Dear Santa,

    Based on his letter, Russ obviously doesn't deserve ANYTHING. Please pass right over his house and give me all the good stuff (electronics, booze, etc..). All the other stuff you were going to give him like Sponge Bob underwear, soap on a rope w/KY combo set and Michael Bolton CDs you can give to Mark. I think he would appreciate them.

    Your friend,

    Shack


    Dear Santa:

    As an addendum to this letter...

    As you pass over Russ' house, have all of the Reindeer drop a steaming pile on his roof!

    And if his Dear Santa letter was a cut 'n' paste from a prior year, please deposit a couple of toothless Cajun's on his front lawn playing the "Dueling Banjo's" from Deliverance 24/7 till the end of the year!

    John

    p.s.

    Make sure said Toothless Cajun's, twice daily, tell him he looks just like a hog.
    No excuses!
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited December 2007
    So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • Face
    Face Posts: 14,340
    edited December 2007
    http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46974&highlight=santa ;)
    "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • Strong Bad
    Strong Bad Posts: 4,277
    edited December 2007
    RuSsMaN wrote: »
    So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)

    I can hear the fine tuning of Banjos...
    No excuses!
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  • mrbigbluelight
    mrbigbluelight Posts: 9,673
    edited December 2007
    Russman is going to hell, get out of the way.

    :)

    BTW: I don't drive the Bangbus. I'm in the back.

    with your sister


    :o
    Sal Palooza
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  • edbert
    edbert Posts: 1,041
    edited December 2007
    RuSsMaN wrote: »
    So sue me, I was going to bump last years thread, but I couldn't freakin' find it. ;)
    Face wrote: »
    http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46974&highlight=santa ;)


    Russman, looks like someone needs to use the search function. Stinkin' newbs.:D
    I know just enough to be dangerous, but don't tell my wife, she thinks I'm a genius. :D

    Pioneer VSX-816
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    Here's my stuff.
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  • TroyD
    TroyD Posts: 13,077
    edited December 2007
    Man, it's STILL funny shiite...

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    BDT
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut
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  • AndyGwis
    AndyGwis Posts: 3,655
    edited December 2007
    I've already forwarded that to my brother for a gander.

    Comedic genius if you ask me. Teach blind men how to walk. . . great stuff all the way around.

    I'm thinking of personalizing this and sending it out to my ff league, but I'm afraid they won't appreciate the humor and will insult me for my insolence.
    Stereo Rig: Hales Revelation 3, Musical Fidelity CD-Pre 24, Forte Model 3 amp, Lexicon RT-10 SACD, MMF-5 w/speedbox, Forte Model 2 Phono Pre, Cardas Crosslink, APC H15, URC MX-950, Lovan Stand
    Bedroom: Samsung HPR-4252, Toshiba HD-A2, HK 3480, Signal Cable, AQ speaker cable, Totem Dreamcatchers, SVS PB10-NSD, URC MX-850
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  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited December 2007
    Absolutely hysterical. Both last years & this years!
    Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
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  • TroyD
    TroyD Posts: 13,077
    edited December 2007
    Oh, and when you guys get to Hell.....I'll be checking ID's at the door.

    BDT
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut
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  • dorokusai
    dorokusai Posts: 25,577
    edited December 2007
    Dear Santa,

    I'm not quite sure what your problem is but stop calling my FN house! Last year the visit was great and the couple phone calls after Christmas were cute but it's officially not funny anymore.

    My wife doesn't want to date you and you'll notice I used the word wife right? I'm sick of you sending elves to run her errands and the constant re-gifting is just BS. Christmas in April ha FN ha.

    I hope you come here again this year you c***sucker because I'm gonna FN kill you. Loser.

    Regards,
    Mark
    CTC BBQ Amplifier, Sonic Frontiers Line3 Pre-Amplifier and Wadia 581 SACD player. Speakers? Always changing but for now, Mission Argonauts I picked up for $50 bucks, mint.
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  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited December 2007
    Oh Thank you Mark! I just spit sprite all over my monitor!
    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited December 2007
    Strong Bad wrote: »
    p.s.

    Make sure said Toothless Cajun's, twice daily, tell him he looks just like a hog.


    Nahhhh SQUEEEEEEEL like a hog!!!:eek:
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  • Strong Bad
    Strong Bad Posts: 4,277
    edited December 2007
    :D

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=LtAkf0UMeLA


    WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
    No excuses!
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited December 2007
    http://www.threebrain.com/weeeeee.shtml

    Weeeeee!!!

    Gonads and strife.
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • George Grand
    George Grand Posts: 12,258
    edited December 2007
    Santa you freakin' hump,

    Thanks a lot for doing jack **** for me over the last couple years. Like it's really coming off of your **** if Jenny McCarthy is unconscious over here for a few hours huh? You suck and I hope Mrs. Claus holds out on your jolly fat **** for the rest of the season and you have to tear off a piece of elf or some **** like that.

    George
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  • beardog03
    beardog03 Posts: 5,550
    edited December 2007
    Dear Mark, Russ & Goerge Grand (of the Jersey grands)

    Bite me, you aint getting **** !

    stop trying to ride my reindeer, and stop humpin my friggin elves....


    and if I catch that greasy headed, brill cream wearing SOB crawlin out my window again, it aint gonna be toys I drop down yer chimney..


    Now piss off...


    Sincerly,

    S. Claus


    P.S.

    Give me back my assless chaps, I know you got them......................Mark
    Cary SLP-98L F1 DC Pre Amp (Jag Blue)
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    :cool:
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited December 2007
    I've got cramps in my sides from laughing so hard!!! **** I'm gonna throw up!!!
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  • Ricardo
    Ricardo Posts: 10,636
    edited December 2007
    Dear Santa,

    1.-A turntable shaped bed for Joe, that actually spins. Since his wish of making his wife as horny as him was some time ago already and the guy is getting old, please include a one year supply of blue pills.
    2.-A two years in home laundry service for Troy, speciallized in getting hair gel out of sheets and pillows. just pay for the in home extra. Bill George Grand for the actual laundry service.
    3.-A full year supply of titanium extra hardened clipper blades for Jesse. If it goes beyond your budget, please bill Silverti to break even.
    4.-A horny orangutan for Mark. The poor kid has a real problem and the neighbors are tired of watching him make love to the hydrant.
    5.-Get rid of that horrible picture of Russ that ambulates this forum. Yes, that one.
    6.-A 2,000 WPC amp for Cathy.
    7.-Don't let me get banned this year.
    _________________________________________________
    ***\\\\\........................... My Audio Journey ............................./////***

    2008 & 2010 Football Pool WINNER
    SOPA
    Thank God for different opinions. Imagine the world if we all wanted the same woman
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited December 2007
    Ricardo wrote: »
    Dear Santa,

    1.-A turntable shaped bed for Joe, that actually spins. Since his wish of making his wife as horny as him was some time ago already and the guy is getting old, please include a one year supply of blue pills.
    2.-A two years in home laundry service for Troy, speciallized in getting hair gel out of sheets and pillows. just pay for the in home extra. Bill George Grand for the actual laundry service.
    3.-A full year supply of titanium extra hardened clipper blades for Jesse. If it goes beyond your budget, please bill Silverti to break even.
    4.-A horny orangutan for Mark. The poor kid has a real problem and the neighbors are tired of watching him make love to the hydrant.
    5.-Get rid of that horrible picture of Russ that ambulates this forum. Yes, that one.
    6.-A 2,000 WPC amp for Cathy.
    7.-Don't let me get banned this year.

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa ROTFLMAO!!! LOL!

    I'm gonna throw up again.

    PS: Santa I need about 2000 blue pills please, the big ones!!!
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  • dorokusai
    dorokusai Posts: 25,577
    edited December 2007
    You need one pill....Ritalin.
    CTC BBQ Amplifier, Sonic Frontiers Line3 Pre-Amplifier and Wadia 581 SACD player. Speakers? Always changing but for now, Mission Argonauts I picked up for $50 bucks, mint.
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