X-mas Doesnt look good

GSRBOB

Well i hope nobody minds, but i thought id blow off some steam here. Man who new the first 5 years were so hard being married. Im just 3yrs into it and it feels like its not gonna wrk. If we split now it will be my worst X-mas ever.

treitz3

Marriage takes 110% from both sides. If you feel it isn't working, re-evaluate what percentage you are putting in on your part and don't lie or make excuses, and put in the 110%. Even if she doesn't. If you love her as you did the day you married her, this effort will be worth it.

Good luck and best wishes.

fatchowmein

Best of luck to you and I hope it all works out.

bdaley6509

So sorry to hear. Hope things work out for the best for both of you.

janmike

Marriage can be trying at times, but it's a 2-way street. My philosophy has always been try and make it work especially if children are involved. But, you do not want to be unhappy for the rest of your life. Ever think of 3rd party help? Is it worth saving? Only you have the answers to those questions my friend. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

GSRBOB

Thanx. You arent kidding about the %110.

ben62670

I don't know your situation. I hope I am not way off here, but...
The best advice I can give is to focus hard on yourself. If you meet my X you would see that I am not trying to say it is an easy thing. Be real careful to your responses. Words in anger are held on till death by a lot of women. It took me a year of counseling to help learn to keep my mouth shut. I learned that yelling doesn't make the other hear ya. I argued back way too much, and got nasty with the name calling. She will never forget the things I said. Don't get me wrong it was a 2 way street with the verbal abuse, but guys typically get over it where women don't. If you have kids be extremely careful about them not seeing any fighting.
I wish the best of luck to you, and I will add you to my prayer list. If you or anyone needs a judgmentally free ear to hear please let me know. I have been through it.

Ben

daboyz

Marriage has its ups and downs. You work through it. Good luck.

lightman1

ben62670 wrote: »

I don't know your situation. I hope I am not way off here, but...
The best advice I can give is to focus hard on yourself. If you meet my X you would see that I am not trying to say it is an easy thing. Be real careful to your responses. Words in anger are held on till death by a lot of women. It took me a year of counseling to help learn to keep my mouth shut. I learned that yelling doesn't make the other hear ya. I argued back way too much, and got nasty with the name calling. She will never forget the things I said. Don't get me wrong it was a 2 way street with the verbal abuse, but guys typically get over it where women don't. If you have kids be extremely careful about them not seeing any fighting.
I wish the best of luck to you, and I will add you to my prayer list. If you or anyone needs a judgmentally free ear to hear please let me know. I have been through it.

Ben

+1000! Marriage is work. If you don't do the work right, you get fired.
Ben makes a great point. Just try to see EACH others side of the argument and go from there.

Too late for me, though. I live alone in a house full of speakers and vintage audio equipment. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!
Work things out.
On my PL as well.

hearingimpared

Marriage is not a 50 - 50 proposition. It is a 100 - 100 proposition. You must be always willing to bend on all issues. Sometimes that seems impossible but the thing to remember when bad things are going down is this thought, "I love this person so much and more than anything else in the world that I vowed to do so until death." When me and Phyllisann are having our bad time (and we all do) I ALWAYS remind myself how much I love her and that makes it impossible for me to say or do anything rash or hurtful to her.

A friend of mine just recently told me that when his wife gets the hormonal crazies (which is very hard to deal with but not impossible) the best thing to do when it's going down is to get close her and tell her that you are sorry and will try to do better next time. That works for me every time that I've used since he told me that.

The other thing here is that you both have to realize three years in, you are still having to learn to live with another completely different individual who is hard wired completely different than you. That can take a heck of a lot more years . . . people do it all the time.

Tell her you love her! Tell her you'll try to do better next time. Then tell her that you need each other to get through the stressful holiday season. Then go and have a Happy Thanksgiving and a Very Merry and Blessed Christmas.

GSRBOB

Thanx Ben and everyone. I really need to work on cuttin down the verbal abuse. I never thought about it, but your right, guys dont really hold on to the verbal comments like woman do. And i hate 4 my son to see us this way. I'm trying and i'll keep trying. Thanx again 4 the support and positive energy here.

ben62670

This really helps when dealing with your spouse, and many other trials in life.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

A.) You can not change your spouse. I tried it did not work. It got worse.
B.) You can change yourself.
C.) If you do change yourself your spouse may want to change them self.
D.) How I react is my responsibility. What she does should not dictate your reaction.

Sorry if I sound like I am preaching. I wish I knew then what I know now.