Transformers Review
PolkThug
Posts: 7,532
>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi Harry,
You dont know me, but I know you. Ive previously submitted a review for 'The Host' (under the mock-goth pseudonym Womb2Doom which I dont like anymore, **** you very much) but you greedily kept it to yourself. Whatever
I attended the world premiere (in Sydney, Australia the exclusive owners of the McOz burger) of Transformers last night with Michael 'Do You Have It In Flames' Bay in attendance. He explained that hed just finished the movie '19 minutes ago' and that we were the first audience to see the final film.
Quick background; I have fond affection for the Transformers cartoon but do not remember much about the series except the broad basics (they transform). I immensely enjoy Michael Bay films as I understand that theyre not going to shine me the right way or make me appreciate the elderly on all three levels. They are just there to make my dick harder for longer.
Which bring me to the following conclusion: those people out there who rued the day Michael Bay picked up directing duties for Transformers are idiots. Out and out fools. A flame on a once-flameless robot does not a bad movie make. Paul WS Anderson would have made this movie flameless and delivered a turgid pile of soggy salmon stool sample. There is NO OTHER director working today who could have provided the over-whelming spectacle that I witnessed last night. Exhilarating, and then some. This movie is exactly what a 2 hour live-action Transformers episode should be. In fact, Im going to go as far as say that this is very possibly the best TV to big screen adaptation I can recall (having only recalled The Fugitive, Mission Impossible, The Mod Squad and Charlies Angels: Full Throttle). Transformers totally recaptures the euphoria of being 7 years old, sitting on the carpet in front of my old television set, TOTALLY engulfed by the awesomeness of fighting Transforming robots, neglecting my rice bubbles until they neither snap, crackle nor pop. Everything great about 80s action cartoons from the action hero poses to the cheesy-fun good guy/bad guy back and fourths is here in hearts, diamonds, clubs, and spades!
Before going into specific details about positives I shall address the 'negatives' which are escorted here in inverted commas for the sheer fact that it never once hindered this experience for me. Now, some will claim that the first two are pretty big negatives but when you have giant robots dancing around said 'negatives', I raise my shoulders, close my eyes, turn my head slightly right and exclaim, 'meh';
1. First up, and this includes a detailed plot summary; I had NO IDEA what the hay was going on here. Ever. The whole movie. I looked around to my mates who had the exact same look on their faces I dont know what is going on but I am loving it so much the sides of my mouth will soon bleed from the smiling! I think it had something to do with a cube that may or may not be a bad influence on the XBOX 360 community.
2. Second 'negative' was one of things that adversely affected the latter two of the threquel efforts this year over-crowding. There is pretty much only two human leads in this movie but dozens of supporting players to drop bits of exposition in between the stomping and driving and giant smack downs. These characters are usually quirky, funny or unusual (Jon Voights secretary of Defence gives Harrison Fords Mr President a run for his money in the 'useful' department) in any number of ways and most get their moment in the sun. This may be the first movie that Bernie Mac didnt annoy me but this may also be the first movie he only had eight lines. There are way too many more to mention individually. John Turturro Criminal girls are HOT! Thank you, Jesus.
3. One CG shot. Yep, Im scraping the barrel. This CG man may have been pretty bad but once he gets flicked off screen I laughed and forgot my troubles with a big cup of warm smash-em-ups!
4. The small gremlin-bot. Stupid and pointless. My only true gripe about the whole movie.
Specific positives;
1. Michael Bay. Im sure all the plot information was actually featured and repeat viewings would render my number one complaint redundant (except for Sector 7, the most powerful arm of the government that has no power) but this film moves with such g-force gusto, I couldnt care less. This is the most fun Ive had in a cinema without Paul Ruebens (I like to stay up to date)
2. The action. There are so many individual action set pieces I cant and wont tell you. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them is a winner, even the annoying gremlin-bot. The first time Barricade transforms on-screen brought the house down. This was early on and we were treated to many, many more structure descending moments
3. The Decepticons. These guys are just too school for cool! I was induced to several joygasms, specifically the first time they assemble as a team appearing on screen in radio communiqu
Hi Harry,
You dont know me, but I know you. Ive previously submitted a review for 'The Host' (under the mock-goth pseudonym Womb2Doom which I dont like anymore, **** you very much) but you greedily kept it to yourself. Whatever
I attended the world premiere (in Sydney, Australia the exclusive owners of the McOz burger) of Transformers last night with Michael 'Do You Have It In Flames' Bay in attendance. He explained that hed just finished the movie '19 minutes ago' and that we were the first audience to see the final film.
Quick background; I have fond affection for the Transformers cartoon but do not remember much about the series except the broad basics (they transform). I immensely enjoy Michael Bay films as I understand that theyre not going to shine me the right way or make me appreciate the elderly on all three levels. They are just there to make my dick harder for longer.
Which bring me to the following conclusion: those people out there who rued the day Michael Bay picked up directing duties for Transformers are idiots. Out and out fools. A flame on a once-flameless robot does not a bad movie make. Paul WS Anderson would have made this movie flameless and delivered a turgid pile of soggy salmon stool sample. There is NO OTHER director working today who could have provided the over-whelming spectacle that I witnessed last night. Exhilarating, and then some. This movie is exactly what a 2 hour live-action Transformers episode should be. In fact, Im going to go as far as say that this is very possibly the best TV to big screen adaptation I can recall (having only recalled The Fugitive, Mission Impossible, The Mod Squad and Charlies Angels: Full Throttle). Transformers totally recaptures the euphoria of being 7 years old, sitting on the carpet in front of my old television set, TOTALLY engulfed by the awesomeness of fighting Transforming robots, neglecting my rice bubbles until they neither snap, crackle nor pop. Everything great about 80s action cartoons from the action hero poses to the cheesy-fun good guy/bad guy back and fourths is here in hearts, diamonds, clubs, and spades!
Before going into specific details about positives I shall address the 'negatives' which are escorted here in inverted commas for the sheer fact that it never once hindered this experience for me. Now, some will claim that the first two are pretty big negatives but when you have giant robots dancing around said 'negatives', I raise my shoulders, close my eyes, turn my head slightly right and exclaim, 'meh';
1. First up, and this includes a detailed plot summary; I had NO IDEA what the hay was going on here. Ever. The whole movie. I looked around to my mates who had the exact same look on their faces I dont know what is going on but I am loving it so much the sides of my mouth will soon bleed from the smiling! I think it had something to do with a cube that may or may not be a bad influence on the XBOX 360 community.
2. Second 'negative' was one of things that adversely affected the latter two of the threquel efforts this year over-crowding. There is pretty much only two human leads in this movie but dozens of supporting players to drop bits of exposition in between the stomping and driving and giant smack downs. These characters are usually quirky, funny or unusual (Jon Voights secretary of Defence gives Harrison Fords Mr President a run for his money in the 'useful' department) in any number of ways and most get their moment in the sun. This may be the first movie that Bernie Mac didnt annoy me but this may also be the first movie he only had eight lines. There are way too many more to mention individually. John Turturro Criminal girls are HOT! Thank you, Jesus.
3. One CG shot. Yep, Im scraping the barrel. This CG man may have been pretty bad but once he gets flicked off screen I laughed and forgot my troubles with a big cup of warm smash-em-ups!
4. The small gremlin-bot. Stupid and pointless. My only true gripe about the whole movie.
Specific positives;
1. Michael Bay. Im sure all the plot information was actually featured and repeat viewings would render my number one complaint redundant (except for Sector 7, the most powerful arm of the government that has no power) but this film moves with such g-force gusto, I couldnt care less. This is the most fun Ive had in a cinema without Paul Ruebens (I like to stay up to date)
2. The action. There are so many individual action set pieces I cant and wont tell you. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them is a winner, even the annoying gremlin-bot. The first time Barricade transforms on-screen brought the house down. This was early on and we were treated to many, many more structure descending moments
3. The Decepticons. These guys are just too school for cool! I was induced to several joygasms, specifically the first time they assemble as a team appearing on screen in radio communiqu
Post edited by PolkThug on
Comments
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That "review" gave me a headache.CTC BBQ Amplifier, Sonic Frontiers Line3 Pre-Amplifier and Wadia 581 SACD player. Speakers? Always changing but for now, Mission Argonauts I picked up for $50 bucks, mint.
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good reviews or bad, I'm seeing this movie in the theater. its frikkin unavoidable.Living Room 2 Channel -
Schiit SYS Passive Pre. Jolida CD player. Songbird streamer. California Audio Labs Sigma II DAC, DIY 300as1/a1 Ice modules Class D amp. LSi15 with MM842 woofer upgrade, Nordost Blue Heaven and Unity interconnects.
Upstairs 2 Channel Rig -
Prometheus Ref. TVC passive pre, SAE A-205 Amp, Wiim pro streamer and Topping E50 DAC, California Audio Labs DX1 CD player, Von Schweikert VR3.5 speakers.
Studio Rig - Scarlett 18i20(Gen3) DAW, Mac Mini, Aiyma A07 Max (BridgedX2), Totem Mites -
Holy long posts batman!!
I can't wait to see this though.Michael
Samsung 50" HD DLP
Yamaha RX-V2500
(2) Outlaw 200
Adcom GFA 555
Sony BDP300
Denon 2900 DVD
Lsi9's mains
Lsi7's rear
Lsic center
12.1 SVS driver in 4.53 cuft. tube
Harmony 880 -
I've already picked up my "to punish and enslave.." t-shirt! -
Great review. Good or bad. I am definitely seeing this. I remember I almost cried watching Optimus Prime turn black in the movie. And I didn't feel a thing watching the Exorcist while I was 8.
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That "review" gave me a headache.
The scene where Megan Fox looks under the hood of the car will make you feel better. -
"Prepare to meet Oblivion"
Soundwave -
The GoBots still suck.I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore
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zombie boy 2000 wrote: »The GoBots still suck.
I came to that realization when I watched the cartoon, and the Gobots did not even use guns, they shot their laser beams right out of their hands; LAME.
Then Megatron came on the scene with that badass Bazooka.Game Over.
V -
I came to that realization when I watched the cartoon, and the Gobots did not even use guns, they shot their laser beams right out of their hands; LAME.
Then Megatron came on the scene with that badass Bazooka.Game Over.
V
And don't forget... they didn't really "transform" so much as they just fell down.
Front-side: robot
Back-side: top of car
all-around: LAME:DI never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore -
zombie boy 2000 wrote: »And don't forget... they didn't really "transform" so much as they just fell down.
Front-side: robot
Back-side: top of car
all-around: LAME:D
Let's start our own Go-Bots suck club, even though I think that it is general knowledge.
V -
You got that right broham. This is #2 on my must see list of this years movies.its frikkin unavoidableIf...
Ron dislikes a film = go out and buy it.
Ron loves a film = don't even rent.
