Lets go for a lock....

RuSsMaN

SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN-NEAR EVERYBODY

1. What's the Cuban national anthem?
Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong."

4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

6. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.

7. What do you call an Arkansas farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.

8. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

9. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

10. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

11. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."

12. My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.

13. Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

TroyD

Why does the Mexican track and field team do poorly in the Olympics?

All the good runners, jumpers and swimmers are in the US.

BDT

TroyD

Micah is looking at the screen...'why me? why ME?'

TroyD

TO: All Employees
>> > >FROM: Human Resources
>> > >SUBJECT: Foul Language
>> > >DATE: February 28, 2000
>> > >
>> > >It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
>> > >throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
>> > >of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints
>> > >received from
>> > >some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will
>> > >be no longer be tolerated.
>> > >
>> > >We do however, realize the critical importance of being
>> > >able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with
>> > >co-workers.
>> > >
>> > >Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so
that
>> > >proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
>> > >manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: And when the **** do you expect me to do this?
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: No **** way
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: Really?
>> > >INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: It's not my **** problem.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: What the ****?
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: This **** won't work.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Eat **** and die.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: **** it, I'm on salary.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I see.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Blow me.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: Another **** meeting!
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: He's a ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting ****.
>> > >
>> > >TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
>> > >INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the **** you're doing.
>> > >
>> > >Thank You,
>> > >Human Resources

Micah Cohen

No. Micah is weeping from laughter.

But, he does have to lock this bad boy down. This is a family forum.

It is funny, tho.