Family and vacation
brettw22
Posts: 7,624
WARNING: Long, and probably more than wants to be heard here.......
Wow........where to begin......maybe this isn't right to post, but as I'm sitting here in a car dealership waiting for my dad's car to get repaired, here I am...
I'm the oldest of 6 (3 boys, then 3 girls). I'm in Dallas visiting along with one of my brothers/his wife/daughter, a sister/her son (7mos), another sister/her son(3mos), another sister, and another brother. The sisters all came down from Utah together in a truck (wanting to bring home a piano that's been in the fam for a while). The 2 sisters husbands couldn't get the time off work, but they would have if their schedules would have allowed it. We all came into town for my mom's wedding and are all staying at my dad's, which is usual since he's got lots of room for all the visiting kids (pre-marriage on Sat, mom hasn't had room to accomodate anyone). Yes, some of us would (ME) stay at a hotel just to lighten the load/maintain our sanity but family is fun to be around......right? lol.....
Mom's wedding went fine, and all was well with us helping set up the ceremony and all sorts of stuff (we've done that at my 2 sisters weddings that were last year, so we're getting lots of practice). Everything was relatively stress free and going well........until Sunday.
Sisters dynamic is......unique? Brief synopsis: older sister (27yo) is very condescending to people about her opinions, middle sister (25yo) is mouthy (stabbing comments) and thinks that she's able to be as angry/moreso angry about others interraction as the 2 primary parties involved, and youngest sister (23yo) is pretty much in the middle of both of them in terms of her hearing from each of the others about the other, but also has some issues with both of them of her own. In and of itself, people have issues with people and that's not an uncommon thing.
There was a fight that happened in the morning and caused there some be some tension (thank you dad). On the way home from church, oldest sister (OS) asked dad why the anger in the morning when middle sister (MS) throws up "why do you always bring up the past (blah blah blah)" to which OS then starts getting it from the youngest sister (YS) in the car creating the typical 2 on 1. I didn't know about this part until later, but OS then leaps from the backseat (Expedition) into the front seat and pins MS against the window and is starting to brawl. Dad is driving and has to seperate the two from what was going on. (Dad knows he was wrong to induce the tension in the AM and was talking calmly about it with OS, when MS and YS jumped in and escalated)
When the OS came in the door at home (me and middle brother stayed home) she walked up the stairs fairly calm and i asked how things were then she started yelling that MS and YS were flying home and she was leaving immediately. I go in and she's crying and angry so we talk for a bit then I decide to get her out of the house so we go to Home Depot (had to get some heavier duty straps to secure the piano tigher). Me, youngest brother, OS, and her boy (3mos) go to the store so things can kind of simmer down (SNL comes to mind.....simma down nowwwwwww......anyway).
Get back home then I decide to try (still unaware of the extent of the issue in the car) to get all sisters in a room to talk things out. This attempt ended within 10 minutes with oldest sister with baby in hand bolting out of the room after convo turned into yelling, mouthy MS calling OS crazy (repeatedly) and doing what she could do escalate the situation and YS sitting there with a look of awe like "WTF". OS ends up in another bedroom screaming and yelling about stuff and eventually things somewhat calm down and I'm in there talking to her about the ongoing stuff between sisters, then also the resentment/history with dad that's totally been non-addressed for YEARS (I've talked with her about it for a while, but she's never stepped up to have the convo or type out the email of things she ultimately needs to say). I asked her if she wanted to have me there to talk while she was here in town and she was ok with that so dad came in and we had a VERY good 45 min talk about things (usually this type of 'talk' would end within 2min with dad walking away or starting to do something while you tried to do the talking.......denial is a beast). The end result was OS/dad having an open dialogue and telling the other that they will be more open/honest and OS asking dad to talk to MS and YS about stop getting involved with the relationship between OS and dad and since those 2 were trying to work things out to ultimately stop throwing it up in her face every time there's a disagreement/fight between OS and dad (valid point). From the initial thing in the room with me and the 3 girls to the point of dad and me/them all together was probably over an hour or hour/half.
In the room then are OS, MS/son, YS, dad, and me. MS for about 10min used son to ignore anything being said (usual response, whether with son or alone) and finally things started to be talked out (give me example of what your complaint is, etc etc). MS then makes her mouthy comment about OS being "uncivil (something to that affect, though I can't think of the exact word)" and within seconds, OS is basically tipped off the bed hitting MS (NO ONE excuses the physical outburst and OS knows this). MS hands son off to YS, and in that time dad was pulling OS back, I got to MS and had her pushed away (though she's 150 pounds lighter than me, she had me going backwards for a few) and we finally got the two totally in different rooms.
After about 20 minutes of placating everyone and trying to keep people apart for as long as absolutely possible, youngest brother (YB) (a very short fuse and typically always running a full barrel of explosives) gets up in peoples faces and dad tries to tell him to leave the situation (OS was packing, MS was looking for flights back home while on the phone with husband basically chanting OS is "crazy" or "psycho," and YS was holding MS's son). YB turns anger at sisters towards dad and rages against him for throwing him out (me standing somewhat inbetween) and he finally goes out of the house (he's only home at this point because dad's allowed a week stay while family is in town.......whole other story). MS/son, middle brother/wife/daughter went to the airport in the morning and MS said she never called OS crazy directly, but rather the overall situation. Her version of reality is very bizarre, but historically she truely believes whatever she wants as reality when the truth is absolutely different.
I can honestly say that I would have NEVER thought that something like this was going to happen, let alone on the weekend that we were all in town for mom's wedding and especially between 2 relatively new moms. I'm sure mom doesn't know anything about it at this point hopefully (still on the honeymoon), but THIS is the type of thing that results in me saying that I will NOT do family time every year, but instead ever 2 or 3. I talk to everyone individually all the time, so it's not like I'm totally withdrawn from them, but this type of stuff is (obviously) abnormal and some of them REALLY need to talk all of this out.
So.........all 3 of the sis's are back in Utah (same area pretty much) and we have Christmas to figure out, which was going to be in UT at OS's house with mom/new hubby, dad/wife flying out there to arrange seperate Christmas' with each of us (sounds fun, right?).
Maybe this will allow some of y'all to think that things aren't quite so bad at home.......or stress that unresolved issues CAN/WILL build up and eventually blow up (OS heard that from me at least 10x) if not handled at the time.
Resentment/anger isn't worth hanging onto, and if nothing else, empty your emotional 'cup' regularly so YOU can maintain your sanity. No one is going to want to talk with you based on your 10 years of past anger that you never attempted to resolve. You can't be liable for someone else's actions/choices, but you can do whatever in your power to keep YOUR levels to a minimum whether they opt to participate in that resolution or not.
Wow........where to begin......maybe this isn't right to post, but as I'm sitting here in a car dealership waiting for my dad's car to get repaired, here I am...
I'm the oldest of 6 (3 boys, then 3 girls). I'm in Dallas visiting along with one of my brothers/his wife/daughter, a sister/her son (7mos), another sister/her son(3mos), another sister, and another brother. The sisters all came down from Utah together in a truck (wanting to bring home a piano that's been in the fam for a while). The 2 sisters husbands couldn't get the time off work, but they would have if their schedules would have allowed it. We all came into town for my mom's wedding and are all staying at my dad's, which is usual since he's got lots of room for all the visiting kids (pre-marriage on Sat, mom hasn't had room to accomodate anyone). Yes, some of us would (ME) stay at a hotel just to lighten the load/maintain our sanity but family is fun to be around......right? lol.....
Mom's wedding went fine, and all was well with us helping set up the ceremony and all sorts of stuff (we've done that at my 2 sisters weddings that were last year, so we're getting lots of practice). Everything was relatively stress free and going well........until Sunday.
Sisters dynamic is......unique? Brief synopsis: older sister (27yo) is very condescending to people about her opinions, middle sister (25yo) is mouthy (stabbing comments) and thinks that she's able to be as angry/moreso angry about others interraction as the 2 primary parties involved, and youngest sister (23yo) is pretty much in the middle of both of them in terms of her hearing from each of the others about the other, but also has some issues with both of them of her own. In and of itself, people have issues with people and that's not an uncommon thing.
There was a fight that happened in the morning and caused there some be some tension (thank you dad). On the way home from church, oldest sister (OS) asked dad why the anger in the morning when middle sister (MS) throws up "why do you always bring up the past (blah blah blah)" to which OS then starts getting it from the youngest sister (YS) in the car creating the typical 2 on 1. I didn't know about this part until later, but OS then leaps from the backseat (Expedition) into the front seat and pins MS against the window and is starting to brawl. Dad is driving and has to seperate the two from what was going on. (Dad knows he was wrong to induce the tension in the AM and was talking calmly about it with OS, when MS and YS jumped in and escalated)
When the OS came in the door at home (me and middle brother stayed home) she walked up the stairs fairly calm and i asked how things were then she started yelling that MS and YS were flying home and she was leaving immediately. I go in and she's crying and angry so we talk for a bit then I decide to get her out of the house so we go to Home Depot (had to get some heavier duty straps to secure the piano tigher). Me, youngest brother, OS, and her boy (3mos) go to the store so things can kind of simmer down (SNL comes to mind.....simma down nowwwwwww......anyway).
Get back home then I decide to try (still unaware of the extent of the issue in the car) to get all sisters in a room to talk things out. This attempt ended within 10 minutes with oldest sister with baby in hand bolting out of the room after convo turned into yelling, mouthy MS calling OS crazy (repeatedly) and doing what she could do escalate the situation and YS sitting there with a look of awe like "WTF". OS ends up in another bedroom screaming and yelling about stuff and eventually things somewhat calm down and I'm in there talking to her about the ongoing stuff between sisters, then also the resentment/history with dad that's totally been non-addressed for YEARS (I've talked with her about it for a while, but she's never stepped up to have the convo or type out the email of things she ultimately needs to say). I asked her if she wanted to have me there to talk while she was here in town and she was ok with that so dad came in and we had a VERY good 45 min talk about things (usually this type of 'talk' would end within 2min with dad walking away or starting to do something while you tried to do the talking.......denial is a beast). The end result was OS/dad having an open dialogue and telling the other that they will be more open/honest and OS asking dad to talk to MS and YS about stop getting involved with the relationship between OS and dad and since those 2 were trying to work things out to ultimately stop throwing it up in her face every time there's a disagreement/fight between OS and dad (valid point). From the initial thing in the room with me and the 3 girls to the point of dad and me/them all together was probably over an hour or hour/half.
In the room then are OS, MS/son, YS, dad, and me. MS for about 10min used son to ignore anything being said (usual response, whether with son or alone) and finally things started to be talked out (give me example of what your complaint is, etc etc). MS then makes her mouthy comment about OS being "uncivil (something to that affect, though I can't think of the exact word)" and within seconds, OS is basically tipped off the bed hitting MS (NO ONE excuses the physical outburst and OS knows this). MS hands son off to YS, and in that time dad was pulling OS back, I got to MS and had her pushed away (though she's 150 pounds lighter than me, she had me going backwards for a few) and we finally got the two totally in different rooms.
After about 20 minutes of placating everyone and trying to keep people apart for as long as absolutely possible, youngest brother (YB) (a very short fuse and typically always running a full barrel of explosives) gets up in peoples faces and dad tries to tell him to leave the situation (OS was packing, MS was looking for flights back home while on the phone with husband basically chanting OS is "crazy" or "psycho," and YS was holding MS's son). YB turns anger at sisters towards dad and rages against him for throwing him out (me standing somewhat inbetween) and he finally goes out of the house (he's only home at this point because dad's allowed a week stay while family is in town.......whole other story). MS/son, middle brother/wife/daughter went to the airport in the morning and MS said she never called OS crazy directly, but rather the overall situation. Her version of reality is very bizarre, but historically she truely believes whatever she wants as reality when the truth is absolutely different.
I can honestly say that I would have NEVER thought that something like this was going to happen, let alone on the weekend that we were all in town for mom's wedding and especially between 2 relatively new moms. I'm sure mom doesn't know anything about it at this point hopefully (still on the honeymoon), but THIS is the type of thing that results in me saying that I will NOT do family time every year, but instead ever 2 or 3. I talk to everyone individually all the time, so it's not like I'm totally withdrawn from them, but this type of stuff is (obviously) abnormal and some of them REALLY need to talk all of this out.
So.........all 3 of the sis's are back in Utah (same area pretty much) and we have Christmas to figure out, which was going to be in UT at OS's house with mom/new hubby, dad/wife flying out there to arrange seperate Christmas' with each of us (sounds fun, right?).
Maybe this will allow some of y'all to think that things aren't quite so bad at home.......or stress that unresolved issues CAN/WILL build up and eventually blow up (OS heard that from me at least 10x) if not handled at the time.
Resentment/anger isn't worth hanging onto, and if nothing else, empty your emotional 'cup' regularly so YOU can maintain your sanity. No one is going to want to talk with you based on your 10 years of past anger that you never attempted to resolve. You can't be liable for someone else's actions/choices, but you can do whatever in your power to keep YOUR levels to a minimum whether they opt to participate in that resolution or not.
comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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They say weddings and funerals both provide fertile ground for familial confrontation...
Sorry to hear about all the turmoil Brett. I hope perspectives and dispositions shift from now until Christmas.I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore -
Middle brother and me talked about not nixing Christmas based on this as well last night, but either everyone stays with the UT thing (bad idea IMO, considering it's at OS house which would automatically blank out MS involvement), TX (the usual), and I asked bro if he really wanted all THIS goin on at his place......he stopped talkin for a few...lol.
I'm very non-stressed about the whole thing.........but really moreso amazed than anything......I think the girls have a thing that's on a level that's even way beyond anything that's gone on in the past between us brothers.
The difference is that guys typically fight/argue/move on, but women tend to moreso internalize things (not trying to negatively stereotype) and that internalization makes the moving on part very slow, or non-existent. I'm not saying that moving on is to ignore things away either, to clarify.comment comment comment comment. bitchy. -
Brett:
I feel ya brutha! Hang in there!
Got 2 older brothers and 2 older sisters. I'm close to the middle brother and barely speak to the others. They're off in their own little dysfunctional worlds. Mom passed 11 years ago, so after that, everything family wise just sort of fell apart. Dad...there's always been tension between us. Like the Terminator, he can't be bargained with, he can't be reasoned with. I stopped trying.
I just do my thing, build my own little world and don't let anybody take me down.
Geez, Polkfest sounds tame compared to your weekend (if thats possible).
JohnNo excuses! -
Brett, I agree whole-heartedly...
Disputes among males in my family and among my friends tend to be quick, loud, and over and done with. More often than not, everything is resolved within the hour (preferably over drinks).
Among my female friends and family, issues tend to stew and worse yet, reveal themselves at the most inopportune times. I was at a wedding myself two weekends ago, and the whole weekend was a near cat fight.I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore -
Brett - sounds like my Dad's side of the family, except there were no weapons or police involved! I just attended a wedding a few weeks ago where the grooms half-sister kicked in a bathroom door and grabbed the bride and stuffed her head in the toilet and flushed it. She then wrote "****" across the back of her wedding dress in lipstick. But hey, the reception cleared out and there was plenty of food and alchohol for everyone remaining
DKG999
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One unique thing about a family is that membership is not optional.
RT1 -
You're right Brett, you should have stayed home....Geez!Political Correctness'.........defined
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk -
Ahhhh don't you love family gatherings?
sounds like your fam Brett is very normal.. what family doesn't have agruments? 
and get on each other's nerves.
Either way.. have your mom read this thread.
Good luck on the holidays.... that could either be round 2 or a whole lot more fun. Do your sibs drink alcohol? that right there is tons more fun... family drinking and you just never know what's going to happen then. ha ha ha:p PolkFest 2012, who's going>?
Vancouver, Canada Sept 30th, 2012 - Madonna concert :cheesygrin: -
reeltrouble1 wrote:One unique thing about a family is that membership is not optional.
RT1
Tell that to my sister. I'm the last one to talk to her in our family in about 12 years. -
Wow you people have some disfunctional families...
We only have one outcast, and that's my **** step-sister. Things are fine when she's not around... -
Drama is the weapon of choice between scorned siblings at most family functions. The most benign things can become overblown so easily.
Todays extended families marriage/divorce/remarriage only add to that dynamic.
Good luck on the upcoming holidays!!! You'll most likely need it.HT Optoma HD25 LV on 80" DIY Screen, Anthem MRX 300 Receiver, Pioneer Elite BDP 51FD Polk CS350LS, Polk SDA1C, Polk FX300, Polk RT55, Dual EBS Adire Shiva 320watt tuned to 17hz, ICs-DIY Twisted Prs, Speaker-Raymond Cable
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You were in town? What am I, chopped liver?Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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Doesn't sound too bad, at least no one got shot...
madmaxVinyl, the final frontier...
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Yeah..when you said your sister was packing I hot nervous for a second/:pmadmax wrote:Doesn't sound too bad, at least no one got shot...
madmax
My family is a mess too....I tend to keep my distance.Sharp Elite 70
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You are not alone Brett. I know people that have not talked to their parents in 20 years. If it were me I would attempt to make amends. Try to be optimistic.Michael
In the beginning, all knowledge was new!
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:eek: Yikes!!! Those women are too old & grown to be getting into fist fights! Sorry you had such a rough time of it Brett! I would leave the country before I spent any more time with them during the holidays!Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
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Wow. My parents, siblings (1 older brother, 1 older sister) and I actually look forward to seeing each other. I couldn't imagine having that much drama in my family."I got into the music business thinking it was really radical, that it wasn't really a business at all, that it was a lot of people being artistic and creative. Not true, and it made me very depressed."
Thom Yorke of Radiohead
SOPA. Bow down before me, ****. Want a cookie?
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Brett two words: Reality Television. Millions to be made ,hell you could retire in a few years if you played your cards right.:)
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Yeah..just make sure to yell " I am a God Warrior!" and the ratings will go through the roof!:DDAGLJAM6 wrote:Brett two words: Reality Television. Millions to be made ,hell you could retire in a few years if you played your cards right.:)Sharp Elite 70
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Polk Atrium 7s on the patio just to keep my foot in the door. -
I am the oldest and I was the black sheep in my family!!! We've never had such antics at family gatherings except when I was drunk and disorderly which was every family gathering. I don't do that any more. The funny thing is that since my mom passed (it will be 3 years February) my sister, my two brothers, and I have never been closer and we get along very well.
I like your writing style Brett. I was able to follow the story all the way through and you also kept me very interested. Have you done any writing? I've had a couple of short stories published, nothing notworthy though however it is very rewarding. -
Here until Friday morning. I'm planning on calling, but things just dissipated yesterday/this morning. I'm amazed all that's been done to 121 is frontage roads at this point. They should be workin on that **** 24/7/365 to get it done.........RuSsMaN wrote:You were in town? What am I, chopped liver?
I'm not all burned up or anything about the brawl. It's one of those moments ya just look at like what.......just.......happened...... They started to text message apologies to each other, which for them to even be in contact at all this soon after is an beyond unexpected. Sometimes it takes the big blowouts for people to realize how much needs to be resolved with people, so hopefully they'll pull their heads out and get things settled/addressed. One thing's for sure in that I'll be talking to them all for the next few weeks to support forward progress rather than letting people revert back to what got them to that point in the first place.
Y'all probably wouldn't have thought that I was the sane one, would ya........lol........:Dcomment comment comment comment. bitchy. -
hearingimpared wrote:I've had a couple of short stories published, nothing notworthy though however it is very rewarding.
**** doesn't count. PolkFest 2012, who's going>?
Vancouver, Canada Sept 30th, 2012 - Madonna concert :cheesygrin: -
RuSsMaN wrote:You were in town? What am I, chopped liver?
didn't you get enough Brett-time at PF already? PolkFest 2012, who's going>?
Vancouver, Canada Sept 30th, 2012 - Madonna concert :cheesygrin: -
Dang, Brett: sounds like a cross between "Father Knows Best" and "The OK Corral".
The best thing to do when a Family Soap Opera breaks out is sit back, treat it like a soap opera, and enjoy the show.
(making motion with hand like holding a channel selector)
Angry Combatant: "What are you doing ?"
You: "Trying to change the channel. I've seen this episode before".Sal Palooza -
Great post/vent. Well as it turned out it's a good thing you didn't stay at a hotel. Your family is lucky to have you. Some sons would head out for a cocktail instead of taking OS+child out for a breather.
Coming next season at 7PM. Brett the hostage negotiator. -
weddings man........and that much raging estrogen in one house, eeeeeeesh. Funny how you can see some siblings get along so well, and others just tear each other up. Luckily my wife and her sister get along famously, since we live under the same roof.
I'm an only child, one can argue for days as to wether that is a good or bad thing.Living Room 2 Channel -
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