Friday History Lesson
Frank Z
Posts: 5,860
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages we re formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi , tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages we re formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi , tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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This is going to be awesome...I agree Frank!
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It's just a joke folks.
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So does this mean dogs are conservatives since they go hunting with their master or liberal because they drink the leftover food and beer?
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Once again...Frank Z wrote:It's just a joke folks.
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Rum with ice please. Keep your beer and your whine.
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Ah, come on George! I even brought cheese to go with the whine!:pGeorge Grand wrote:Keep your beer and your whine. -
Polk65 wrote:So does this mean dogs are conservatives since they go hunting with their master or liberal because they drink the leftover food and beer?
Yes, dogs are definitely conservative. Loyal, loving, faithful, strong defenders and protectors, hard working.
Cats, however, are liberals. Moody, conceited, patronizing, lazy and generally spoiled rotten. polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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OMG! I'm sitting here crying with laughter! CLASSIC ABOSOLUTLY CLASSIC!!
BTW I'm a cross between liberal & conservative I guess I'm a libcon. I detest beer but like wine (which I'm sipping on right now) & will suck down a mixed drink if offered one.
You couldn't pay me to eat raw fish, tofu, & I like Italian & I like my beef medium rare!
I think my testosterone level is climbing as I age, since I have a strong urge to toss one of my coworkers through a window!
Part of me wants a conservative for a mate, but if we can't compromise I might toss him out the window for a liberal who I will be able to rule with ease!;) Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2 -
Too effin funny Frank! Thanks for the laugh.:D"The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage." Thucydides
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LMREO Frank . . .Cathy I like your style! Give me a scotch neat!
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Polk65 wrote:So does this mean dogs are conservatives since they go hunting with their master or liberal because they drink the leftover food and beer?
Dogs are conservatives because they like to sniff each others a$$es.
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Now THAT, was a good one by MBBL.
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Anyone that would cook their Filet Mignon past med rare should be publically.......
Excellent Frank!!!!!"SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAURICE,
CAUSE I SPEAK OF THE POMPITIOUS OF LOVE" -
Wait a minute...I like my Filet medium....
Very funny, Frank!!!
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see there are 3 different kinds of people. D^*ks, pussies, and a$$holes. pussies think everyone can get along, while d&*cks try to F&*k everything without thinking it through. But then you have your a$$holes chuck, who think they can s#$t over everyone.pussies don't like di#ks, because... pussies get %#$ed by d#cks, but di#ks also f#$K a$$holes, chuck...:D
For the few who saw this movie know exactly what I'm talking about.
I really wish I could write this unedited but don't want to get banned anytime soon...:(
and yes, i have no life since I know a lot of lines to this movie.:o But hey, I think this quote is pretty close to how everyone really isAVR: H/K AVR240
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