Brutal PAYBACK

ntculenuff

""""""""I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that **** knows I'm smarter than her."""""""""""""

schwarcw

I read that joke too. Pretty good!

hearingimpared

ntculenuff wrote:

""""""""I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that **** knows I'm smarter than her."""""""""""""

Wow you've got brass balls!!! I couldn't do that cause I'm married and I think the married guys will agree, that is not conducive to a long term relationship! Boy do I wish I were wrong though, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!

ntculenuff

i wish i could pull that off but it would be more than sex that i would be missing

Sami

hearingimpared wrote:

Wow you've got brass balls!!!

Relax, it's not like he did it...it's an old joke.

hearingimpared

Sami wrote:

Relax, it's not like he did it...it's an old joke.

Yeah I know but I still wish I would have thought of it!

brettw22

hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)

MrNightly

brettw22 wrote:

hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)

Brett with his friendly suggestions.

It only takes a second longer to grab the scroll bar on the right and zip through it buddy.

Don't be hating. After all, Hearing is a slight loss now, with his impairment and all.

mrbigbluelight

brettw22 wrote:

hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)

hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)
__________________

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donald Trump (on Michael Jackson)
I'm sure most days he wakes up and looks in the mirror and says...What the F*&K have I done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by T_Unit616
but I am dumb

Quote:
Originally Posted by audiobliss
...I haven't a clue!!


I don't know I don't really see anything wrong with that.

PolkThug

audiobliss wrote:

T_Unit616 wrote:

Donald Trump (on Michael Jackson) wrote:

mrbigbluelight wrote:

brettw22 wrote:

hearingimpared wrote:

ntculenuff wrote:

""""""""I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that **** knows I'm smarter than her."""""""""""""

Wow you've got brass balls!!! I couldn't do that cause I'm married and I think the married guys will agree, that is not conducive to a long term relationship! Boy do I wish I were wrong though, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!

hearing, it's not necessary to quote everything you're replying to........especially when it's the post right before yours.....and also when it's a whole page joke....(friendly suggestion)

I don't know I don't really see anything wrong with that.

I'm sure most days he wakes up and looks in the mirror and says...What the F*&K have I done.

but I am dumb

...I haven't a clue!!

What seems to be the problem here?

zombie boy 2000

I do say that fairly trippy P-thug

scottnbnj

he's not going to get it.

)

Danny Tse

ntculenuff wrote:

You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough

I got that speech from my girlfriend about a month ago. Then I proceeded to mention something about understanding that she was having her period.....

Let's just say it wasn't pretty after that

univera

PolkThug wrote:

What seems to be the problem here?

Between the joke and this spoof on quoting, I am rollin' with laughter! I think Danny needs to check out the Menopause Awareness Thread and learn to be more sensitive to his wife's physical issues....:)

reeltrouble1

my woman always satisfies my needs, but then again what woman would'nt want too.:eek:

RT1

George Grand

I would've been asleep somewhere around "I just don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

brettw22

well look at that...........scott's back to (try to) show his wit......;)

organ

Ha ha, that was funny:D.

MacLeod

Priceless Thuggy! LMAO!

gidrah

I would've busted one out on her backside.

mrbigbluelight

I was going to quote from Post #10, but I didn't want to lock up Polk's server.

...it was very, very tempting, though.


That was a "Pull Over, Pull Over, Pull Over, Pull Over" Class post !!!