Americans With No Abilities Act
F1nut
Posts: 50,843
AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT(AWNAA) WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."
The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" "As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty a s lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."
The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" "As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty a s lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
Political Correctness'.........defined
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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Well, at least theyre finally being honest and calling welfare and hiring quotas exactly what they are.polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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This new law, combined with the seniority rules (a.k.a, surviving the longest without getting fired) should really help.>
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>This message has been scanned by the NSA and found to be free of harmful intent.< -
You must be kidding right :eek: ?:mad: !
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The real incompetence in the Post Office is in middle and upper management, btw.
Sal Palooza -
This appears to be closely patterned after our HR policy at work--so, it wouldn't impact us at all.
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Hmm... I don't know if that's funny or sad. Funny because, well, it's funny, or sad, because apparently soem people on this board thought our country was in such rough shape that it was REAL legislation If you will it, dude, it is no dream.
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Looks like an Onion story to me but it is scary enough to think about.Skynut
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Thanks for looking -
we may not have fake jobs for people like this but we sure have plenty of programs which pay them enought not to work.
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Hey, it took me years to develop these non-abilities. I was once able to do absolutely anything with nothing, after intense training, I can now do absolutely nothing with everything.
I was actually turned down by Mickie D's which is how I came to work for our Great Uncle.
RT1 -
Skynut wrote:Looks like an Onion story to me but it is scary enough to think about.
Yeah, I was thinking the Onion from the opening line:DI never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore -
This is a joke right? .......Right??????_________________________________________________
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PhantomOG wrote:we may not have fake jobs for people like this but we sure have plenty of programs which pay them enought not to work.
Yes, some truth there Phantom, but we have had it this way for quite a while, so someone wants it this way, the questions are Who? Why?
(PS--you gotta ask Why? about five times to really find out)
RT1 -
reeltrouble1 wrote:Yes, some truth there Phantom, but we have had it this way for quite a while, so someone wants it this way, the questions are Who? Why?
(PS--you gotta ask Why? about five times to really find out)
RT1
Who: Politicians
Why: To buy the vote of the lazy
That's the right answers, right?
There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
JD,
Ok, why? what do Politicians fear, etc. etc. etc., look I'm no wiser than anybody else here, its a system, a very complex system whose problems are systemic to its-self.
If you were among the elite system designer's what forces would you need to control in order to maintain the status quo, which as the top mo-fo designer's, (which BTW you have worked hard to become) has given you an inherit interest in maintaining?
RT1 -
maybe I'm too naive but I just don't think politicians are that smart/evil. i think they are just too stupid to realize that there are plenty of people out there that are so lazy and complacent that government cheese and housing is good enough for them and have no desire for a better life if it means putting forth any kind of effort.
who knows, maybe its cheaper to pay for the government cheese and housing than it would be to pay for the prisons these people would end up in otherwise. -
reeltrouble1 wrote:JD,
Ok, why? what do Politicians fear, etc. etc. etc., look I'm no wiser than anybody else here, its a system, a very complex system whose problems are systemic to its-self.
If you were among the elite system designer's what forces would you need to control in order to maintain the status quo, which as the top mo-fo designer's, (which BTW you have worked hard to become) has given you an inherit interest in maintaining?
RT1
They fear not getting re-elected, hence buying votes.
Maintain the the status quo? Why would we want to? Actually, since we (as a society) are circling the crapper, I guess maintaining the status quo is good.
What I would like to see: return the power to the individual person (to think for themselves) and their states (to regulate their own citizens) and away from the federal government. Eliminate the trend to regulate everything (from business, to personel safety, to whom can marry whom). Privatize R&D and Education. Provide only minimal neccessary programs in the welfare arena. Basically get the federal government out of our every day lives and have their only role being the regulation of interstate commerce, national defense, penal system, and that's about it (You could add pure research but that tends to go under defense anyway)There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
HTrookie wrote:This is a joke right? .......Right??????
Yes, it's a joke.Political Correctness'.........defined
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk -
F1nut wrote:Yes, it's a joke.
ahhh shoot and I thought there was still some hope for me.:rolleyes:***WAREMTAE***
