Bloodrayne

MacLeod
MacLeod Posts: 14,358
edited May 2006 in Music & Movies
I rented this tonight and was looking forward to seeing it. Im a big fan of the games and although I know Hollywood refuses to make a decent movie out of a game and knew this would be a sub par film I figured it would still be worth the rental. Boy was I wrong.

This is without a doubt the WORST movie EVER MADE!

The acting is horrible, the story line is laughable, the action scenes are the worst in history with Monty Python'esque blood and as usual it bears virtually no resemblance to the game.

I mean I like a good B film as much as the next guy but even I was thinking this is a horrible movie 5 minutes into it!

I didnt even finish it. I just sat thru the most ridiculous action sequence Ive ever seen and could stand no more. Less than an hour into it I turn it off.

Avoid this steaming pile of **** on film at all costs. Its not even worth watching once it comes out on The Sci-Fi Channel.

0 out of 10
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  • Demiurge
    Demiurge Posts: 10,874
    edited May 2006
    What did you expect from the director of 'House of the Dead'?

    He's probably the worst director to ever make films. Consequently the people that funded him and bought his steaming pile of **** sandwhich are even worse. :D
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  • millerman 3732
    millerman 3732 Posts: 1,488
    edited May 2006
    i cut off about half way through, horrible movie, skip this one guys!
    Casey
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  • wingnut4772
    wingnut4772 Posts: 7,519
    edited May 2006
    Is it worse than Stealth?
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  • MacLeod
    MacLeod Posts: 14,358
    edited May 2006
    It is the worst movie EVER! And whats even worse is that it has some names in it! Michael Madsen and Ben Kinglsey!

    During the big fight scene at a monestary, I kept expecting King Aurthur to come riding in Monty Python style! It looked that fake and ridiculous!
    polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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  • wingnut4772
    wingnut4772 Posts: 7,519
    edited May 2006
    I kind of almost want to see it now:D
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  • Schris22
    Schris22 Posts: 983
    edited May 2006
    hey stealth actually had some cool special effects and sound, action scenes.

    On the right note, I looked at this one at blockbuster the other day...then just kinda mosied on by...

    Chris
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  • PolkThug
    PolkThug Posts: 7,532
    edited May 2006
    5%! lol

    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/bloodrayne/
    Never Forget
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  • MacLeod
    MacLeod Posts: 14,358
    edited May 2006
    Like I said. The worst movie ever!

    How does "Toilet Boll" keep getting to make movies?!? This guy should be sweeping the floors or getting coffee or anything other than directing!

    This couldve been a really cool movie. Somebody revoke this guys green card already!
    polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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  • jdhdiggs
    jdhdiggs Posts: 4,305
    edited May 2006
    Damn, when this is the best review, its pretty sad:


    "I did a couple of "short takes" on this new disasterpiece for a couple of different publications; here, for the first time, I've amalgamated them into one piece.

    Despite a track record of some of the worst movies ever created, “Dr.” Uwe Boll (House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark) somehow continues to obtain the movie rights to popular video games and film them on the cheap. His latest, Bloodrayne, is based on a game that pits a vampire secret agent against mutant-manufacturing ****; Boll and screenwriter Guinevere Turner (American Psycho) have decided to make his movie a prequel set in medieval times.

    By “medieval times,” of course, we mean that particular era of European history that goes unmentioned in most history books, when Transylvanians had either American accents or laughably fake English ones, noblemen dressed like either Mozart or King Charles II, and every woman had free access to breast implants. Vampire kings ruled the land, and some of them were stupid enough to install windows in their castles despite the fact that sunlight is absolutely fatal to them. And a human-vampire hybrid called a Dampir, resembling an impossibly hot fashion model (Kristanna “The Terminatrix” Loken), was able to kick all kinds of ****, yet inexplicably managed to be held captive by an obese circus ringmaster for years.

    Boll does all his casting at the last minute, a technique that enables him to snag big-name actors without giving them much time to think things over. Here, he has obtained Michael Madsen, Ben Kingsley, Billy Zane, Udo Kier, Meat Loaf, Michelle Rodriguez, Michael Pare, and Matt Davis, not all of whom seem fully in on the joke. Madsen sports a mullet, Kingsley looks like Salieri, Rodriguez pathetically attempts an English accent, Meat Loaf wears a powdered wig, blood gushes from slashed throats, and the Terminatrix shows her ****. Honestly, what more do you want from a medieval vampire movie?

    Throats are slit, bosoms are bared, and though the plot makes no sense, the film is technically competent, which is a first for Dr. Boll. His name strikes fear into the hearts of many moviegoers, but he is gradually getting slightly better, having apparently learned, at long last, the importance of both good lighting and pointing the camera at the actors. The production values found in Romania are nice, and the cast are enjoyably goofy, some apparently without realizing it (Billy Zane appears to be in a completely different movie, playing a character who's elaborately set up with no pay-off whatsoever). It’d be a stretch to call the movie good, but at least it’s fun-bad.
    "
    There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin
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  • Nelson57
    Nelson57 Posts: 190
    edited May 2006
    I normally donate movies I know I'm not going to watch any more to the local library, or give them to friends. This one I put in the garbage. I'm ready to file a class action lawsuit for fraud.
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  • jdhdiggs
    jdhdiggs Posts: 4,305
    edited May 2006
    MacLeod wrote:
    Like I said. The worst movie ever!

    How does "Toilet Boll" keep getting to make movies?!? This guy should be sweeping the floors or getting coffee or anything other than directing!

    This couldve been a really cool movie. Somebody revoke this guys green card already!

    hehe, he got another one: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460780/
    There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin
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  • zombie boy 2000
    zombie boy 2000 Posts: 6,641
    edited May 2006
    surely you jest....
    I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore
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  • MacLeod
    MacLeod Posts: 14,358
    edited May 2006
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Not Jason Statham! I love that dude and hate to see him do something like this.

    God help us.
    polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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  • Demiurge
    Demiurge Posts: 10,874
    edited May 2006
    Yeah, there are a lot of good actors in that movie...WTF. I like Jason Statham too. That's surprising. Oh well....
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  • MacLeod
    MacLeod Posts: 14,358
    edited May 2006
    No more suprising than Sir Ben Kingsley being in Bloodrayne!

    Whats even funnier is that he was on The Soprano's not too long ago with Chris trying to get him to appear in his low buget cheese horror flick and he was trying everything he could to get out of it......now I know why...cause he was already in THIS STUPID CHEESE MOVIE!
    polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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  • P.HUNT
    P.HUNT Posts: 211
    edited May 2006
    I agree one of the worst movies ever!!
    But the boobies were wonderfull!
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  • millerman 3732
    millerman 3732 Posts: 1,488
    edited May 2006
    When I watched I felt like all these big actors signed on to do what they thought was a pretty cool movie and then when they found out how lame it was they just deciced they didn't care any more and half-assed all there parts like they didn't really want to be in the film. But hey, how about that Meat Loaf, I think he's makin a come back boys!
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  • mrbigbluelight
    mrbigbluelight Posts: 9,831
    edited May 2006
    This review from a couple of guys I know:

    "God, that movie sucked. Plenty of titties, though".

    I guess it does have some redeeming value.

    Worse movie ever made, though ? Lest we forget:


    Meryl Streep


















    The French Lieutenant's Woman


    ....oh......the humanity. :(
    Sal Palooza
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  • Ron-P
    Ron-P Posts: 8,520
    edited May 2006
    This is without a doubt the WORST movie EVER MADE!
    Just watching the trailer would tell you this. You don't need to watch it to find out.
    If...
    Ron dislikes a film = go out and buy it.
    Ron loves a film = don't even rent.
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