Self Administered Taser Anyone?
dkg999
Posts: 5,647
Got this in an email and found it pretty hilarious, and much too self descriptive :rolleyes:
I know most men would think this way...
>To give you some background information, Greg, the author of this
>email, is 58 years old about 6'3" and 220 lbs and contrary to this
>story, he is quite an intelligent person.
>
>Dear Friends,
>My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be
>something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt
>you will see this true story chronicled in a Life Time movie in the
>near future.
>
>Here goes.
>Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy.
>(Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.)
>I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 12th
>anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet
>girl.
>
>What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun
>with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product,
>it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to
>incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage
>electricity while you flee to safety.
>
>The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
>affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to
>safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb tattooed assailant,
>push the button, and it will render him a slobbering,
>goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek.
>
>If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly
>missing out - way too cool!
>
>Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
>AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin'
>directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model
>would not create an arch between the prongs.
>
>How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I
>pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that
>I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the
>prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a
>blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!!
>
>Yipeeeeee. I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet
>to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her
>microwave.
>
>Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
>couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc. There
>I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little
>soul),
>
>reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking
>that
>
>I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target.
>
>I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second
>and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I
>was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
>mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am
>I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the
>time..
>
>So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
>glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
>hand, Taser in another.
>
>The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
>your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
>and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
>make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
>
>All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5"
>long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and
>loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no
>friggin' way!"
>
>Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
>
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
>Those of you who ke of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea
>of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with her
>head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning
>that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt
>all that bad.
>(Sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?)
>
>I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.
>
>(Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20/20. It is
>so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it
>seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)
>
>I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
>********* !!!!
>
>I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door,
>picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet
>over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
>position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet,
>with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog
>was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my
>face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, please do it
>again!"
>
>(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one
>note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
>zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it
>is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
>Then, if you're lucky, you won't lodge the prongs 1/4" deep in your
>thigh like yours truly.)
>
>SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as
>time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what
>little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading
>glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they
>get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still
>twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my
>bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty
>sure. By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away.
>I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large.
>
>Miss 'em ...... sure would like to get' em back.
>
>Greg
I know most men would think this way...
>To give you some background information, Greg, the author of this
>email, is 58 years old about 6'3" and 220 lbs and contrary to this
>story, he is quite an intelligent person.
>
>Dear Friends,
>My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be
>something akin to "Well, I have out done myself once again." No doubt
>you will see this true story chronicled in a Life Time movie in the
>near future.
>
>Here goes.
>Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy.
>(Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.)
>I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 12th
>anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet
>girl.
>
>What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun
>with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product,
>it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to
>incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage
>electricity while you flee to safety.
>
>The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
>affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to
>safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb tattooed assailant,
>push the button, and it will render him a slobbering,
>goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek.
>
>If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly
>missing out - way too cool!
>
>Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
>AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin'
>directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model
>would not create an arch between the prongs.
>
>How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I
>pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that
>I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the
>prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a
>blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!!
>
>Yipeeeeee. I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet
>to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her
>microwave.
>
>Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
>couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc. There
>I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little
>soul),
>
>reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking
>that
>
>I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target.
>
>I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second
>and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I
>was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
>mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am
>I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the
>time..
>
>So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
>glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
>hand, Taser in another.
>
>The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
>your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
>and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
>make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
>
>All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5"
>long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and
>loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no
>friggin' way!"
>
>Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
>
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
>Those of you who ke of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea
>of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with her
>head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning
>that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt
>all that bad.
>(Sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?)
>
>I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.
>
>(Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20/20. It is
>so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it
>seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)
>
>I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
>********* !!!!
>
>I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door,
>picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet
>over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
>position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet,
>with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog
>was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my
>face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, please do it
>again!"
>
>(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one
>note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
>zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it
>is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
>Then, if you're lucky, you won't lodge the prongs 1/4" deep in your
>thigh like yours truly.)
>
>SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as
>time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what
>little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading
>glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they
>get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still
>twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my
>bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty
>sure. By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away.
>I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large.
>
>Miss 'em ...... sure would like to get' em back.
>
>Greg
DKG999
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Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
-
When I was in the military, we played Tazer War in the barracks...mainly, because we were on alert lockdown so much we had to find something "fun" to do.
This is not fun in any way shape or form, UNLESS, you are the one who catches someone....then it's hilarious. I don't like those things at all.
I won't explain much about it, it's meaningless, other than I agree, not a good idea for boredom.CTC BBQ Amplifier, Sonic Frontiers Line3 Pre-Amplifier and Wadia 581 SACD player. Speakers? Always changing but for now, Mission Argonauts I picked up for $50 bucks, mint. -
OMG!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
LOL!! That is great, possibly one of the few "written" things Ive seen that can make me laugh...haha thanks for sharing..haha- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit. -
I just recently got my Taser (X26) at work and the requirement was ....to get tased. Let me tell you..... I knew it was gonna be bad but if I had known how bad it was I don't think I would have volunteered to carry it. It's by far the worst pain that I have ever felt and I have a LOT of confidence in it as far as stopping bad guys.Sharp Elite 70
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I'm sure tasers are much more potent than the electric probes we used when working livestock on the farm. However my Dad had a really bad habit of wanting to try to reach around me with the electric probe to get a hog or cow to move along into the semi, and usually ended up nailing me right in the middle of the back with it. It will literally make you pee your pants and your testies suck right up high and tight :eek:DKG999
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OMG!!! Can people really be that stupid???? WAAAAAAA!!!Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
-
Just fabulouS!!!!!"SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAURICE,
CAUSE I SPEAK OF THE POMPITIOUS OF LOVE" -
Whatever happened to just zapping people with an electric grill igniter.?:D
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ROFL!!! That's hilarious! Just hilarious!
Gold, Jerry! Gold!!
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wingnut4772 wrote:I just recently got my Taser (X26) at work and the requirement was ....to get tased. Let me tell you..... I knew it was gonna be bad but if I had known how bad it was I don't think I would have volunteered to carry it. It's by far the worst pain that I have ever felt and I have a LOT of confidence in it as far as stopping bad guys.
Nice. We all took the X26 full on for the full 5 second ride. Wow. What an experience. I have to admit tho, that I'm pretty sure I'd take the Ride over the Spray any day of the week tho. OC just ate me up!
(But a taser will sure as heck stop anyone coming after you...) Remarkable tool, until they ban it because it will kill too many people. Oh well.Honoured to be, an original SOPA founding member
Stuff...
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wingnut4772 wrote:I just recently got my Taser (X26) at work and the requirement was ....to get tased. Let me tell you..... I knew it was gonna be bad but if I had known how bad it was I don't think I would have volunteered to carry it. It's by far the worst pain that I have ever felt and I have a LOT of confidence in it as far as stopping bad guys.
Aside from 2 of the stats I thought the rest were pretty g'damn amusing. -
That was hillarious. Reminds me of the time I decided to touch one of those electric bug swatters, but in a more painful version of the story.
I'd hate to have to willingly get get shot with a taser. Don't those guns shoot a little pin into your skin too? -
Too bad you didn't pee on it. THAT would have been a good story.
BDTI plan for the future. - F1Nut -
You can't claim to be a true country boy until you've pee'd on an electric fence. In Iowa our women tend to pee on them also!
The three most dangerous words any country boy can utter .... "you'all watch this" ......... you want to start the video at this point DKG999
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Oh hell no. I have had both and I will take the OC any day over the Taser:eek:Nice. We all took the X26 full on for the full 5 second ride. Wow. What an experience. I have to admit tho, that I'm pretty sure I'd take the Ride over the Spray any day of the week tho. OC just ate me up!Sharp Elite 70
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Thanks for sharing, best laugh I've had all week, my brother was introduced to the electric fence on a dove shoot in south georgia, when I looked across the fields, I though that he had gotten into a yellow jacket nest, he was hopping around slapping himself:DJC approves....he told me so. (F-1 nut)
-
Check out this link for a self-tasing video: http://www.break.com/articles/stungunbb.html
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SOPA. Bow down before me, ****. Want a cookie?
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What a dipshit.... why even risk something like that? I can see the leg, but damn don't drop those pants.
-
It feels like God reaches down and hits your reset button. You are just screwed.
I had to get sprayed with pepper spray about three times a year and zapped with a Taser once a year to carry either one on duty.
Pepper spray is extremely unpleasant but you can actually adjust to it after knowing what to expect after a few times of being hit. The Taser, the only way you can resist one of those is if you are some sort of super hero. I've never seen anyone resist with any sort of real power, druggies, psychos, nobody.
They are fantastic and I wish they were legal for the public as I'm out of the biz now and I'd love to carry one. It strikes me as odd that a gun is easier to carry legally than a Taser is.Harman Kardon AVR-435 Receiver
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You had to get tased once a year!!???:eek:That is just crazy talk. Maybe we should get shot once a year also to carry our firearms.:D Or beat with our batons...what a crazy business I am in.Sharp Elite 70
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As many places as you see them sold, I would have never guessed they were illegal to carry. Has it always been that way?HT
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Legality is state by state and you really have to go check. Some states it's anything goes with a lot of this stuff. NJ you can wind up in a really big mess.
Hell, NJ is so irrational, one of my favorite examples; In NJ it is _completely_ illegal to buy or posess a slingshot. Doesn't matter if you are an adult, there is no permit option, you simply cannot buy/posess one in NJ.
Anyone can go out and buy a hunting bow though and possibly still a crossbow without any permits. To add to that, you can't do anything legally with a crossbow other than shoot targets in NJ.
To buy an air pistol in NJ, you are required to have a firearms ID card AND a permit to purchase/handgun. They are treated the same as a 9mm pistol here.
I've never tracked down the history on the slingshot ban but I can only figure a politician's kid must have shot his eye out for such a knee jerk reaction.
I'm just a good old boy that was born in the wrong area. Ten more years, I'll have some equity piled up in this house and I can finally move away to somewhere I'll fit in. NJ is nearly as bad a nanny state as MA, in some ways moreso.Harman Kardon AVR-435 Receiver
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Is there no way to make Firefox work with WMP clips?wodom1 wrote:Check out this link for a self-tasing video: http://www.break.com/articles/stungunbb.html
It doesn't seem to work with Firefox, you have to use IE.comment comment comment comment. bitchy. -
The video worked fine for me in firefox... you're crazy
I've actually seen a video of someone that didn't get taken down by a taser. It took three tasers about five seconds before this guy finally stopped running and dropped. I'll have to see if I can dig it up. -
Yes you will! I wanna see that! :eek:
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I think it was on that tv show 'cops' (I was bored, what can I say?
). I did a search for it but haven't found anything yet.
I've never seen anything like it... Everyone I've ever seen get hit with a taser has pretty much dropped instantly, whereas this guy just kept running. It didn't even seem to effect him until the third one
