More Chuck Norris

Mazeroth
Mazeroth Posts: 1,585
edited April 2 in Clubhouse Archives
A few of these are repeats, but most of them aren't. Some VERY good ones in here:

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
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  • Strong Bad
    Strong Bad Posts: 4,278
    edited February 2006
    This one is hilarious!

    "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."


    John
    No excuses!
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  • audiobliss
    audiobliss Posts: 12,518
    edited February 2006
    Man, there are some good ones there! These are my favorites:
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

    If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

    The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
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  • Pablo
    Pablo Posts: 723
    edited February 2006
    Becareful what you say, Chuck Norris owns the internet (actually the internet bows to his wishes), so he may find out what you say about him.
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  • Tour2ma
    Tour2ma Posts: 10,177
    edited February 2006
    In adddition to some of the above, these produced spontaneous laughter here:
    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

    Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

    Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

    Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
    More later,
    Tour...
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  • Shizelbs
    Shizelbs Posts: 7,433
    edited February 2006
    Those are so funny. I feel awkward giggling at work though.
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  • opus
    opus Posts: 1,252
    edited February 2006
    I don't know why I love these so much but it doesn't get any better than..

    " If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down". :D
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  • Demiurge
    Demiurge Posts: 10,874
    edited April 2006
    Watch the MAN Himself Read The List

    :eek:
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  • MacLeod
    MacLeod Posts: 14,358
    edited April 2006
    My alltime favorite Chuck Norris line and one of my alltime favorite movie lines ever was from Incasion USA.
    You walk thru that door and Ill hit you with so many rights youll beg for a left.
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  • Shizelbs
    Shizelbs Posts: 7,433
    edited April 2006
    Demiurge wrote:
    Watch the MAN Himself Read The List

    :eek:

    Totally awesome.
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  • audiobliss
    audiobliss Posts: 12,518
    edited April 2006
    Demiurge wrote:
    Watch the MAN Himself Read The List

    :eek:
    Wow, that's great!
    You walk thru that door and Ill hit you with so many rights youll beg for a left.
    I think I'd prefer it if it said "You walk through that door and I'll hit you with so many lefts you'll beg for a right." Wouldn't that make sense? I'll hit you with so many lefts, you'll beg for a right which will knock you out, meaning you won't have to endure any more lefts...
    George Grand wrote: »
    Jstas wrote: »
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    In Use
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  • PolkThug
    PolkThug Posts: 7,532
    edited April 2006
    audiobliss wrote:
    I think I'd prefer it if it said "You walk through that door and I'll hit you with so many lefts you'll beg for a right." Wouldn't that make sense? I'll hit you with so many lefts, you'll beg for a right which will knock you out, meaning you won't have to endure any more lefts...

    It doesn't matter, before you have a chance to beg, you will be silenced by a roundhouse kick to the face.
    Never Forget
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  • bobman1235
    bobman1235 Posts: 10,822
    edited April 2006
    audiobliss wrote:
    Wow, that's great!

    I think I'd prefer it if it said "You walk through that door and I'll hit you with so many lefts you'll beg for a right." Wouldn't that make sense? I'll hit you with so many lefts, you'll beg for a right which will knock you out, meaning you won't have to endure any more lefts...

    Maybe he's left-handed?
    If you will it, dude, it is no dream.
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  • AsSiMiLaTeD
    AsSiMiLaTeD Posts: 11,728
    edited April 2006
    They've got the same deal out for jack bauer. Actually, I think the originated with the Jack bauer stuff and then the Chuck Norris, could be wrong though...

    http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty
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  • bobman1235
    bobman1235 Posts: 10,822
    edited April 2006
    You are. It actually originated with Vin Diesel, believe it or not. Chuck Norris came after. Jack Bauer was barely popular when these first came out.
    If you will it, dude, it is no dream.
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  • Demiurge
    Demiurge Posts: 10,874
    edited April 2006
    It started with Vin Diesel and the D & D crowd. :cool:
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  • Toxis
    Toxis Posts: 5,116
    edited April 2006
    If it wasn't so damn expensive, I'd make my own shirt (via www.chucknorrisfacts.com). I made a pretty kick **** one that I want but seriously, $40 for a damn t-shirt?
    Never kick a fresh **** on a hot day.

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  • AsSiMiLaTeD
    AsSiMiLaTeD Posts: 11,728
    edited April 2006
    Well there you go then, I stand corrected - I just never happened to see these until the Jack bauer ones...
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  • PhantomOG
    PhantomOG Posts: 2,409
    edited April 2006
    Toxis wrote:
    If it wasn't so damn expensive, I'd make my own shirt (via www.chucknorrisfacts.com). I made a pretty kick **** one that I want but seriously, $40 for a damn t-shirt?

    make your own here

    I can't vouch for the site but I found it on a thread at FatWallet and people seem pleased with the results. Original Thread
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