Showering.....A Gender Thing

scottyf
scottyf Posts: 129
edited April 2 in Clubhouse Archives
How To Shower Like a Woman:


Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown
Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas…
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

________________________________________________________________

How To Shower Like a Man:


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Admire your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
**** and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

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Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
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Comments

  • Frank Z
    Frank Z Posts: 5,860
    edited February 2006
    It's been posted quite a few times, still get a chuckle from it though.....woo-woo!!
    9/11 - WE WILL NEVER FORGET!! (<---<<click)
    2005-06 Club Polk Football Pool Champion!! :D
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  • scubamike
    scubamike Posts: 60
    edited February 2006
    woo-woo
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  • beardog03
    beardog03 Posts: 5,550
    edited February 2006
    helicopter,helicopter....!!
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  • sda2mike
    sda2mike Posts: 3,131
    edited February 2006
    with hands on hips in super-hero pose, makes elaphant call and says, 'simba', reffering to the simian character of hugeness....while wife walks by ;)
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  • MSkeezer
    MSkeezer Posts: 1,183
    edited February 2006
    That's a relief. I thought I was the only who peed in the shower...
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  • sda2mike
    sda2mike Posts: 3,131
    edited February 2006
    yes....it is a relief! :D
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  • bobman1235
    bobman1235 Posts: 10,822
    edited February 2006
    MSkeezer wrote:
    That's a relief. I thought I was the only who peed in the shower...

    As George Costanza once said, " It's all pipes!"
    If you will it, dude, it is no dream.
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  • MrNightly
    MrNightly Posts: 3,370
    edited February 2006
    My Wife thinks its disgusting that I pee in the shower... glad I'm not alone in this normal habit ;)
    Honoured to be, an original SOPA founding member
    Stuff...

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  • sda2mike
    sda2mike Posts: 3,131
    edited February 2006
    MrNightly wrote:
    My Wife thinks its disgusting that I pee in the shower... glad I'm not alone in this normal habit ;)

    you don't do it alone!? :p j/k
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited February 2006
    Funny!
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • Danny Tse
    Danny Tse Posts: 5,206
    edited February 2006
    MrNightly wrote:
    My Wife thinks its disgusting that I pee in the shower... glad I'm not alone in this normal habit ;)

    Supposedly the pee can kill bateria that can cause athlete's feet....believe it or not.

    My excuse is that it saves water.
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  • sda2mike
    sda2mike Posts: 3,131
    edited February 2006
    Danny Tse wrote:
    Supposedly the pee can kill bateria that can cause athlete's feet....believe it or not.

    My excuse is that it saves water.

    hmmmm...me wife has the atheletes feet, but i don't ;) i fully endorse this practice! :):)
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  • FicmanS
    FicmanS Posts: 134
    edited February 2006
    Nice, I have to add my best "Air Guitar" move in there somewhere...

    Probably fits best after the Mohawk shampoo treatment before the butt wash...lol
    Rockin' In My House :D


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  • Strong Bad
    Strong Bad Posts: 4,278
    edited February 2006
    Danny Tse wrote:
    Supposedly the pee can kill bateria that can cause athlete's feet....believe it or not.

    My excuse is that it saves water.


    Hey, when ya gotta go ya gotta go!
    No excuses!
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  • audiobliss
    audiobliss Posts: 12,518
    edited February 2006
    john d. strong wrote:
    Hey, when ya gotta go ya gotta go!

    I thought maybe you could just hold back the curtain and aim for the toilet!

    :eek:

    :D
    George Grand wrote: »
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  • Pablo
    Pablo Posts: 723
    edited February 2006
    You forgot:
    Woman
    ...carrying 4 neatly folded clean towels
    After getting dressed decides not to do the exercise because she's wearing loose clothing.

    Man
    Comments on how much more the **** smells in the shower than out
    Picks up a dirty towel from the floor
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  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,624
    edited February 2006
    Years ago I saw some show that was talking about Farmers Tales that were put into a book and one of them was using your first morning urine as a facial astringent.

    The fact they'd even bring it up on national TV is out there, but I can't even imagine someone admitting they've tried it........(no, i haven't).
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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