FRIDAY Joke....

steveinaz

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got
their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto
wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you
see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three
in the morning.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Tonto?"
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber than
buffalo ****. Someone has stolen tent."

Skynut

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake.
The hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh...
if I move down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water
and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...
if that fly moves down three inches,
I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...
if that fly moves down three inches that fish will jump for the fly...
and I will grab him."

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing
to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought,
"if that fly moves down three inches... and that fish leaps for it...
that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."

You probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake,
but I can tell you there's more...

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh...
if that fly moves down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...
and that bear grabs for that fish...
the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought -
as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time -
"Gosh... if that fly moves down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...
and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear...
and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich...
then I can have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly...
The bear grabs the fish...
The hunter shoots the bear...
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...
The cat jumps for the mouse...
The mouse ducks...the cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story is:

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some **** is in serious danger.

BIZILL

was it the shots i just took at lunch? cause i'm laughin' hard. thanks steve.