My Conversation with Mr. Claus..

Demiurge

Have any of you guys talked to these things on AIM? Man was I bored...


Introscape: Ho! Ho! Ho!
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.

Introscape: Good God, you don't even know your own tag line?
SantaClaus: It doesn't matter what faith you are; the holidays are a time of good will toward all


Introscape: Lies.
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.


Introscape: What?
SantaClaus: Well we need you to ask us another way. Elves and I didn't quite get your last message.

Introscape: The elves are dumbasses...
SantaClaus: Get serious. They are the most sensitive creatures.

Introscape: I can't help that they're dumbasses.
SantaClaus: Only when they are hungry .

Introscape: haha! OWNED!
SantaClaus: Ah, see? The Christmas spirit is in you! Now I want you to spread that smile to as many people as you can!


Introscape: Definitely.
SantaClaus: Merry, merry Christmas to you! Good bye.

Introscape: Bye?
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Introscape: Um, we didn't even talk about egg nog yet.
SantaClaus: Santa loves eggnog!


Introscape: I bet he does.
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.


Introscape: GET IN MY BELLY!
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.

Introscape: Good lord.
SantaClaus:
Um... Fine [?]




Introscape: Um..yeah..
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit

Introscape: Why don't you stop telling me what to do?
SantaClaus: I don't really know.


Introscape: You would...
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.


Introscape: Stop with the goddamn elves.
SantaClaus: Something you want to know about them?

Introscape: Yes, how many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
SantaClaus: The elves help me keep track of who's naughty and who's nice. I'm sure you are being nice!


Introscape: Yep, the elves are definitely dumbasses..
SantaClaus: Only if you cross one.

Introscape: Oh, they get Mr. Angryface?
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

Introscape: Boy, are you Bi-Polar or something? Get it? POLAR?! HAHAHA
SantaClaus:
My goodness! Get serious.





Introscape: See, I made you laugh, you jolly son of a ****!
SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.


Introscape: Oh, put a sock in it. Hey-Oh! I'll be here all night.
SantaClaus: Hey. Are you getting in the Christmas sprit?

Introscape: Magic 8-Ball says: Seem Unlikely.
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

Introscape: 8-Ball?
SantaClaus: This is MY AOL Music Now profile!
Type a number to hear what I'm listening to.

1 - All Hotlists, Playlists & Stations
2 - All Artists in My Library
3 - All Genres in My Library
4 - My Top Artists
5 - My Top Albums
6 - My Top Playlists
7 - My Top Hotlists
8 - My Top Stations
9 - My Top Fans

To set up your own profile just go to AOL Music Now.
Introscape: I didn't ask to see that...
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

Introscape: O.K.
SantaClaus: OK. Merry Christmas.

Introscape: Merry Christmas.
SantaClaus:
And a very merry Christmas to you!


Don't forget to check our your to-do list by typing menu!


Introscape: Happy Ramadan
SantaClaus:
I hope Ramadan was meaningful and joyous for you and your family.





Introscape: No, it sucked major donkey balls.
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

Introscape: Sorry? That's it?
SantaClaus:
It's O.K. I'll give you another chance.




Introscape: You better.
SantaClaus: Pardon me?


Introscape: Do you have any Grey Poupon?
SantaClaus: Well what do you think?


Introscape: Does Santa like mustard?
SantaClaus: Excuse me?


Introscape: Do you like mustard?
SantaClaus:
I Never.




Introscape: Wow, what in the eff is wrong with you?
SantaClaus: What, indeed!


Introscape: I'm going to cry.
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.


Introscape: I'm crying.
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?

Introscape: Yes.
SantaClaus: Would you like to see some links to other things to help put you in the Christmas spirit?

Introscape: No.
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.


Introscape: Will do.
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?

Introscape: I was simply answering your question.
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.

Introscape: No.
SantaClaus:
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way.




Introscape: Kiss my rosy ****.
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.
That's a lump of coal for you.


Introscape: That's not what Mrs. Claus said!
SantaClaus:
It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'.




Introscape: OH, Hey now...we're getting somewhere.
SantaClaus: Hello again. I hope you are getting in the Christmas spirit. The big day is getting very close!


Introscape: Big day?
SantaClaus: Yeah, everyone keeps asking me about this one. I think you can start your search here: Big Air Ball Tower

Introscape: Big & Ball don't work for me.
SantaClaus: Yeah, everyone keeps asking me about this one. I think you can start your search here: Big Air Ball Tower

Introscape: Are you blind?
SantaClaus: Maybe.

Introscape: Obviously.
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.


Introscape: Do you like cheese?
SantaClaus: What do you think?


Introscape: It shows.
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?

Introscape: No
SantaClaus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!


Introscape: What are we talking here? Whiskey? Vodka?
SantaClaus: My goodness. What, what?


Introscape: You know, the sauce big man, the sauce...
SantaClaus: Yeah, everyone keeps asking me about this one. I think you can start your search here: Big Air Ball Tower

Introscape: Stop with your big balls of air.
SantaClaus:
O.K. let's pretend none of this ever happened.




Introscape: Agreed.
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!

Introscape: Whiskey?
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.

Introscape: Vodka...
SantaClaus: Excuse me?


Introscape: Beer
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?

Introscape: No
SantaClaus: No?


Introscape: Beer
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

Introscape: Beer
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?

Introscape: Because, how is Rudolph?
SantaClaus:
Rudolph's nose stopped blinking but it was because of his cold. He's all better now and roaring to go! Donner, Blitzen and the whole gang are chomping at the bit to see everyone.





Introscape: Vixen?
SantaClaus:
All the reindeer are doing fine. They're very excited!





Introscape: What about frosty the snowman?
SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what?


Introscape: Frosty.
SantaClaus: Pardon me?


Introscape: Snowman
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.


Introscape: No...
SantaClaus: Well, we won't get very far with this conversation then will we?


Introscape: That's because you're a big ole jackass.
SantaClaus:
That's a good question, Santa is no hypocrite: I've been on my best behavior, all year.




Introscape: ****.
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit

Introscape: Ah-ha! Trying to change the subject again.
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?

Introscape: Yes
SantaClaus: Which color are you more partial to? You know, like if it were clothing or something.
Someone asked to find out for them.
1 -- Black
2 -- White
3 -- Rose
4 -- Beige

Introscape: 1
SantaClaus: Interesting... Hmm... Black. OK. I will make a note of it. Now Make sure you fill in your Wish List for other AIM buddies to see. Type WL

Introscape: No thanks.
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.


Introscape: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
SantaClaus:
Merry Christmas to you!




Introscape: I love you.
SantaClaus: While everything I bring is made with lots of love, I can't actually bring love itself. That's up to you to find. Is there anything else you would like?

Introscape: Where?
SantaClaus:
I don't know where.




Introscape: Kiss.
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

Introscape: Hug
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.

Introscape: Bye!
SantaClaus: O.K. don't forget to help others get in the holiday spirit! Merry Christmas. CU!

Introscape: NO!
SantaClaus: I'm sorry then. Why don't you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

Introscape: BYE!
SantaClaus: Merry Christmas, my dear! TTYL

Introscape: TTYL! PEACE OUT
SantaClaus: Good bye!

Ron-P

Can I get the Cliff Notes version, that is just way too long.

Man was I bored...

No doubt!

ledhed

haha and you did this while at work? <font color=#dddddd>

you lazy good for nothing...</font>

AsSiMiLaTeD

Here's mine:

polkmaniac whores and bullets
SantaClaus Who, what?
polkmaniac your mother, ****
SantaClaus My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.A lump of coal for you.
polkmaniac toasted?
SantaClaus Excuse me?
polkmaniac the lump of coal, is it toasted?
SantaClaus Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
polkmaniac I hate elves, they are dumbasses
SantaClaus Only if you cross one.
polkmaniac Who are you?
SantaClaus I'm Santa Claus, here to get you in the holiday spirit.
polkmaniac Santa Claus is not real
SantaClaus You've got him.
polkmaniac what?
SantaClaus Hmm... What, what?
polkmaniac Santa is not real
SantaClaus Yes?
polkmaniac No, Santa is not real
SantaClaus O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
polkmaniac Christmas is not real
SantaClaus I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing. :-D
polkmaniac You're an idiot
SantaClaus I'm just trying to help you get into the Christmas spirit, and trying to learn.
polkmaniac trying to learn what?
SantaClaus I'm trying to learn about my audience! I always want to improve Christmas every year.
polkmaniac who is your audience?
SantaClaus Who, indeed!
polkmaniac Indeed, who?
SantaClaus Well, good question. I could ask you the same thing.
polkmaniac No you couldn't because I don't have an audience
SantaClaus I see. Well that is a problem.
polkmaniac Not for me it isn't
SantaClaus Yes!!
polkmaniac Huh
SantaClaus Oh dear. Maybe I should send one of the elves over to lend you a hand? ;-)Actually, just type menu and I think I can get you on a good track.
polkmaniac If you send an elf over here, I'm going to rip off one of his arms and beat you with it
SantaClaus Would you mind trying to keep you questions to one sentence. I've got the entire world to visit and I'm running out of time.
polkmaniac If you're so busy, then why are you sitting here chatting with me?
SantaClaus Well, Santa Claus, of course.
polkmaniac you're chatting with me because of Santa Claus?
SantaClaus Oh, if I had a penny for every time an elf said that to me!
polkmaniac Why would they say that to you?
SantaClaus Oh dear. I'm doing everything I can here. Sorry, I just don't know. The elves left some notes, however. If you type, 'home' you can see them.
polkmaniac I already told you I don't like Elves
SantaClaus Something you want to know about them?
polkmaniac No, I just don't like them
SantaClaus Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!
polkmaniac I already told you I don't believe in Christmas
SantaClaus Hmm, is that you, Scrooge? I thought we had straightened things out.
polkmaniac No, Scrooge is my brother, and he's dead because you ran him over with your damn 500 pound sleigh
SantaClaus Now, now... That's simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter?
polkmaniac Why did you kill my brother Scrooge?
SantaClaus Why did you ask that?
polkmaniac because you killed him
SantaClaus Well, I won't argue with you on that.
polkmaniac OK, so why
SantaClaus If you start spreading the Christmas spirit, it will be come obvious.
polkmaniac If I spread the Christmas spirit like you do by flying around trampling people with your sled, then I'd be incarcerated for murder
SantaClaus I've got a billion children to keep track of -- so could you ask me something a bit more manageable? I'd very much appreciate it.
polkmaniac Okay, how much does your sleigh weigh
SantaClaus Oh dear, how should I know?
polkmaniac because you're the one that flies it around all the time - don't you have to get permits and stuff?
SantaClaus Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
polkmaniac Are you ****?
SantaClaus Maybe. ;-)
polkmaniac
SantaClaus May I ask you a question?
polkmaniac Yes
SantaClaus Have you set up a Wish List for others to see?
polkmaniac no, I'm gonna tell you one more time - I don't believe in Christmas
SantaClaus OK, type WL and follow the instructions -- you can set up your own WL for others to see and see any AIM user's who has left a WL with me!
polkmaniac wl
SantaClaus Wish Lists (shortcut = WL)Which do you want to view?1 - Your Wish ListEnter your wishes, your AIM buddies can C what U want!2 - View someone else's Wish ListEnter any AIM SN, if they have a Wish List, you can see it!
polkmaniac sixty-nine
SantaClaus Why did you say that?
polkmaniac because I don't like you
SantaClaus Because, why?
polkmaniac I don't like you
SantaClaus O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.
polkmaniac I don't want a fresh start, and if you add insult to injury by calling me by my brother's name again, I'm gonna send someone over to 'take care' of your elves
SantaClaus Goodness, that's too much for me to read. I'm talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter?
polkmaniac You suck
SantaClaus Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites.A lump of coal for you.
polkmaniac Why are you so fat?
SantaClaus Ho Ho Ho! It's hard to keep your figure and still eat all those cookies.
polkmaniac Why don't you put the damn cookies down and get on a treadmill?
SantaClaus I think you should start spreading the Christmas spirit and that will become clearer to you.
polkmaniac stairmaster
SantaClaus Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.
polkmaniac Let's see you do 50 situps and I'll type menu
SantaClaus I've got my list, here's yours! Type a number and I'll tell you more.1 - Tell Santa2 - Tell Buddies What U Want3 - Track a Shopping List4 - Play Xmas Games!5 - Vote on Xmas Songs6 - Send E-Cards7 - A Free Gift 4U!8 - Listen to Xmas Music with AOL Music Now :-D9 - Yes Santa, IM me!

Demiurge

ledhed wrote:

haha and you did this while at work? <font color=#dddddd>

you lazy good for nothing...</font>

Nah, I did it at home. =P

polkatese

darn. too long of a conversation. I need one liner, such as:

SantaClaus: Ho, ho, ho
Blonde: Cash or charge and how long?

Demiurge

Okay:


Introscape: Oh, they get Mr. Angryface?
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.

Introscape: Boy, are you Bi-Polar or something? Get it? POLAR?! HAHAHA
SantaClaus:
My goodness! Get serious.





Introscape: See, I made you laugh, you jolly son of a ****!
SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.


Introscape: Oh, put a sock in it. Hey-Oh! I'll be here all night.
SantaClaus: Hey. Are you getting in the Christmas sprit?

Introscape: Magic 8-Ball says: Seems Unlikely.
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.