"Holiday" Email....
steveinaz
Posts: 19,538
Start from the top and read your way down---ain't it the truth anymore:
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 4th November 2004
>
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
> on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
> Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
> small band playing traditional
> carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD
> shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m..
> Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no
> gift should be over £10.00 to
> make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is
> only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
>
> Pauline
> ==============================================================================
>
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 5th November 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
> with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
> we're calling it our 'Holiday
> Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not
> Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We
> will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family,
>
> Pauline.
>
> ===================================================================================
>
> FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 6th November 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
> accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
> Only", you wouldn't be anonymous
> anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the
> gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel
> that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little
> cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE
> ALLOWED.
>
> Pauline.
>
> =======================================================================================
>
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 7th November 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Part
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
> luncheon at this time of year does
> not accommodate our Muslim employees'
>
> beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
> the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
> in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
> members of Weight Watchers to sit
> farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
> closest to the toilets, **** are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians
> do not have to sit with **** men, each will have their own table. Yes,
> there will be flower arrangements for
> the **** men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress -
> no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.
> Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the
> salt used in the food we suggest
> those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be
> fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
> Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
>
> Pauline.
>
> ==========================================================================================
>
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All F****** Employees
>
> DATE: 8 November 2004
>
> RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
>
> Vegetarians - I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this
> party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
> quaintly put it, you'll get your f******
> salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling
> too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing
> the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive
> and die.
>
> The **** from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> ============================================================================
>
> FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
>
> DATE: 9th November 2004
>
> RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,
> and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
> Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give
> everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
> December off with full pay.
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 4th November 2004
>
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
> on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
> Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
> small band playing traditional
> carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD
> shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m..
> Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no
> gift should be over £10.00 to
> make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is
> only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
>
> Pauline
> ==============================================================================
>
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 5th November 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
> with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
> we're calling it our 'Holiday
> Party'.. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not
> Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We
> will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family,
>
> Pauline.
>
> ===================================================================================
>
> FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 6th November 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
> accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
> Only", you wouldn't be anonymous
> anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the
> gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel
> that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little
> cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE
> ALLOWED.
>
> Pauline.
>
> =======================================================================================
>
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: 7th November 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Part
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
> luncheon at this time of year does
> not accommodate our Muslim employees'
>
> beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
> the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
> in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
> members of Weight Watchers to sit
> farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
> closest to the toilets, **** are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians
> do not have to sit with **** men, each will have their own table. Yes,
> there will be flower arrangements for
> the **** men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress -
> no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.
> Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the
> salt used in the food we suggest
> those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be
> fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
> Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
>
> Pauline.
>
> ==========================================================================================
>
> FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All F****** Employees
>
> DATE: 8 November 2004
>
> RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
>
> Vegetarians - I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this
> party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
> quaintly put it, you'll get your f******
> salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling
> too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing
> the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive
> and die.
>
> The **** from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> ============================================================================
>
> FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
>
> DATE: 9th November 2004
>
> RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,
> and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
> Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give
> everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
> December off with full pay.
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Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
-
I remember this from last year. Certainly is worth bringing up again every year!
ROFL
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that is very funny....good writing
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Its funny until you realize its freaking true, then it becomes just sad. We should just cancel all holidays as they seem to offend someone.
Christmas offends Jews, muslims and atheists
Thanksgiving offends Indians and animal rights wackos
Halloween offends witches and monsters
Memorial Day offends ****
4th of July offends the English
Veterens Day offends draft dodgers
Labor Day offends the bums
Valentines Day offends losers that cant get a date
Easter - see Christmas
New Years Eve offends alcoholics
Did I miss anybody?polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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MacLeod wrote:Its funny until you realize its freaking true, then it becomes just sad. We should just cancel all holidays as they seem to offend someone.
Christmas offends Jews, muslims and atheists
Thanksgiving offends Indians and animal rights wackos
Halloween offends witches and monsters
Memorial Day offends ****
4th of July offends the English
Veterens Day offends draft dodgers
Labor Day offends the bums
Valentines Day offends losers that cant get a date
Easter - see Christmas
New Years Eve offends alcoholics
Did I miss anybody?
the problems started when we as a society actually started caring about who was offended over such stupid stuff.Living Room 2 Channel -
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