Funny Passages from HS Essays
audiobliss
Posts: 12,518
Here are some passages found in actualy high school essays:
Her vocabulary was as bas, as, like, whatever.
She grew on him like E. Coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.
He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
Long separated by cruel fate, the lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
I am proud to say that I personally have not put any of these into circulation.
Her vocabulary was as bas, as, like, whatever.
She grew on him like E. Coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.
He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.
Long separated by cruel fate, the lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
I am proud to say that I personally have not put any of these into circulation.
In UseGeorge Grand wrote: »
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Post edited by audiobliss on
Comments
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Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
I'm so using that one...
And the tounge stapled to the wall... LOL - those are GREAT.- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit. -
God help us. We're raising a nation of illiterate, mindless idiots, who can't even write an essay that makes sense!Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
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I think they are clever little childrens..!!
comic`s all of them..!
Thanks fo rthe laugh..
By he way...are you a teacher..?Cary SLP-98L F1 DC Pre Amp (Jag Blue)
Parasound HCA-3500
Cary Audio V12 amp (Jag Red)
Polk Audio Xm Reciever (Autographed by THE MAN Himself) :cool:
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Jolida JD-100 CDP
Polk Audio LSi9 Speaks (ebony)
SVS PC-Ultra Sub
AQ Bedrock Speaker Cables (Bi-Wired)
MIT Shotgun S1 I/C`s
AQ Black Thunder Sub Cables
PS Audio Plus Power Cords
Magnum Dynalab ST-2 FM Antenna
Sanus Cherry wood Speak Stands
Adona AV45CS3 / 3 Tier Rack (Black /Gold)
:cool: -
...umm,...me? I'm 18 (since Sunday)...no, I ain't no teacher!!!
In UseGeorge Grand wrote: »
PS3, Yamaha CDR-HD1300, Plex, Amazon Fire TV Gen 2
Pioneer Elite VSX-52, Parasound HCA-1000A
Klipsch RF-82ii, RC-62ii, RS-42ii, RW-10d
Epson 8700UB
In Storage
[Home Audio]
Rotel RCD-02, Yamaha KX-W900U, Sony ST-S500ES, Denon DP-7F
Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII, Parasound P/HP-850, ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
Klipsch RF-35, RB-51ii
[Car Audio]
Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP, Memphis 16-MCA3004, Boston Acoustic RC520 -
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zero wrote:CFrizz,
Chin up. It could get worse. My essays often had no content - just drool stains.Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2 -
I actually usually make around 3-4 out of 4 on my stories/essays...
Believe it or not.- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit. -
Not.
In UseGeorge Grand wrote: »
PS3, Yamaha CDR-HD1300, Plex, Amazon Fire TV Gen 2
Pioneer Elite VSX-52, Parasound HCA-1000A
Klipsch RF-82ii, RC-62ii, RS-42ii, RW-10d
Epson 8700UB
In Storage
[Home Audio]
Rotel RCD-02, Yamaha KX-W900U, Sony ST-S500ES, Denon DP-7F
Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII, Parasound P/HP-850, ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
Klipsch RF-35, RB-51ii
[Car Audio]
Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP, Memphis 16-MCA3004, Boston Acoustic RC520 -
audiobliss wrote:...umm,...me? I'm 18 (since Sunday)...no, I ain't no teacher!!!
I was askin Ms. Frizz..!! :rolleyes:Cary SLP-98L F1 DC Pre Amp (Jag Blue)
Parasound HCA-3500
Cary Audio V12 amp (Jag Red)
Polk Audio Xm Reciever (Autographed by THE MAN Himself) :cool:
Magnum Dynalab MD-102 Analog Tuna
Jolida JD-100 CDP
Polk Audio LSi9 Speaks (ebony)
SVS PC-Ultra Sub
AQ Bedrock Speaker Cables (Bi-Wired)
MIT Shotgun S1 I/C`s
AQ Black Thunder Sub Cables
PS Audio Plus Power Cords
Magnum Dynalab ST-2 FM Antenna
Sanus Cherry wood Speak Stands
Adona AV45CS3 / 3 Tier Rack (Black /Gold)
:cool: -
I had no idea you were asking me either Robert!
No I'm not a teacher, just a person who more or less paid attention in school and am able to write without sounding like a complete idiot who couldn't be bothered paying attention.
I feel sorry when those kids try going on to college, or try to get a job.beardog03 wrote:I was askin Ms. Frizz..!! :rolleyes:Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2 -
Hey!
You gotta admit, some of that stuff was pretty freakin ingenious. Took some thought to think up some of them...
For instance...
"Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut."
"The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant."
"The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while."
"The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work."
"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup."
"She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up."- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit. -
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