"Helicopter Parents"...a big thumbs-up to Colgate

Mike682

Glad to see Colgate University is doing something about this.

Parents: Let these kids grow-up!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050828/ap_on_re_us/college_helicopter_parents

nadams

I wish my GF's mother would read that article...

Gets frustrating after awhile.

Jstas

What is amazing is that now colleges are allowing the idea that these "kids" should be learning life lessons at college is acceptable!

Sorry, I disagree with all of it. Your parents are to be the ones teaching life skills, not schools. By the time you get to college, in most cases you are a legal adult. You should be in school with at least the knowledge of what it takes to live life on your own if you aren't utilizing those skills already. If you aren't utilizing those skills yet then college is your best opportunity to be putting them into practice. School is not the place to learn about life. It is a place to learn about the applictaion of knowledge so that you can find something you like doing, get a job doing it and be a contributing member of society.

Parents will always help out thier kid the best that they can. If they don't have a desire to then they suck. However, this constant coddling and generation full of cream-puffs that is coming from it is hurting them more than helping them.

It disgusts me to see stories like this where it seems acceptable to be a parent all of your life and coddle your kids from cradle to grave even if it means your own financial ruin. What disgusts me even more is that it is my lame-**** generation that is living like this and mooching off of thier parents for every little problem they have. It's completely pathetic.

nadams

Um, wait a second Jstas.... you said "It disgusts me to see stories like this where it seems acceptable to be a parent all of your life and coddle your kids...", but the story was saying that it's _not_ acceptable....

You say you disagree with all of it, but then you go on to say nearly what the article was saying....

bobman1235

Uh, yeah. The story is about Colgate telling parents to lay off and stop coddling their kids once they get to college - isn't that a GOOD thing? Where is there anything about offloading the responsibilities of child-rearing to schools?

Jstas

Colgate also said that college is where they are learning life skills. It's not it's where they should be applying the life-skills that thier parents taught them. That is what I disagree with. It is unacceptable because it is getting to point where all you have to do to be a parent is to doink your wife, have her pop out a kid and you just have to make sure that whole process is adequatly funded. Then they wonder why these parents feel an overwhelming need to "parent" thier kids well into thier 20's, even 30's. Maybe if they did the parenting when they should have, they wouldn't feel so obligated to be the great defenders of thier kids well into the years when thier kids should be thinking about rearing thier own offspring.

I disagree with the parents babying the kids. I disagree with the kids sucking off of mom's teet, figurativly and literally, well into thier 30's. I disagree with colleges being responsible (in addition to kidergarten, grade school and high school) being the place where kids learn life-skills. I disagree with Colgate for propagating that crap and I disagree with parents whose behavior and foisted such crap on society as a whole to even consider that kind of behavior to be allowable.

I disagree with the whole article. The crap about parents coddling thier kids is a moot point because if these colleges had the correct attitude about what they should be teaching students for 40K a year then they wouldn't have teh coddling problem to begin with.

Read the article, understand what they are saying. Then you will see what I am talking about. I disagree with the whole thing and I think it's pathetic.

avelanchefan

Well all of this is transferring down also. My son started Junior High this year, and parents got a pretty good scolding from the school Principle during orientation. They had to go to uniforms this year because parents were constantly called last year about their childs choice in clothes. So of coarse parents were upset (not me...no large clothes bill this year!) that little Johnny & Suzie could not "express" themselves. LMFAO, I about died when I heard a parent say that.

Also they said all teachers will be available, but grades will not be changed under any circumstance, if threating behavior occurs, that parent will be subject to a restraint order. Principle stated that no teacher is "out" to get your child, your child needs to learn the consequence of shoddy work, and not studying. Another rumble from the crowd after that comment.

Hmm what else, if your kid is truant on a regular basis the police will be called unless there are doctors notes. Any cell phones being used during class time, non-uniform clothing being worn will be confiscated, and the parents will be called to pick up the items from the principle. If the parents do not pick up the items the child will serve detention until they are picked up. Basically we will make "Your" life a living hell until your child staightens up.

Oh and the topper....ZERO TOLERANCE on knives and guns....including paintball guns, and BB guns. Your kid has it he/she will be expelled no second chances.

It's sad what are schools have had to resort to, but I am glad to see a pro-active stance on it.

Mike682

avelanchefan wrote:

Also they said all teachers will be available, but grades will not be changed under any circumstance, if threating behavior occurs, that parent will be subject to a restraint order. Principle stated that no teacher is "out" to get your child, your child needs to learn the consequence of shoddy work, and not studying. Another rumble from the crowd after that comment.

Exactly. I'm 100% behind schools implementing these policies. There are going to be tough teachers who are difficult graders and there is going to be the opposite. Just like there will be tough bosses in the workplace, etc. Students need to learn to adjust accordingly. When parents take the route of complaining about the teacher to an administrator, instead of actually teaching their kid to adjust, all that is learned is that one's parents can get them out of a jam....It is stuff like this that Colgate is talking about. Parents will continue this to college level administrators.

shack

avelanchefan wrote:

Oh and the topper....ZERO TOLERANCE on knives and guns....including paintball guns, and BB guns. Your kid has it he/she will be expelled no second chances..

Zero tolerence is nothing more than school administrations "passing the buck" and it is pure PC BS. I have no problem with kids with guns and knives etc..being expelled as they should be. But I have seen where many kids have fallen under this rule that should not be... ie: water guns, nail files, and purely innocent mistakes are treated the same way as the kid who brings a gun to school with the intenet of capping his teacher. This way the school officials NEVER have any responsiblity for their actions, NEVER have to to make a hard decision...Sorry we know this makes no sense and is not fair....but Zero tolerence .... :mad:

CrBoy

I don't need my Mom around me to solve all my problems... Kids nowadays need to grow up and realize that Mom and Dad are NOT going to be around forever to take care of them...

Be a good parent and take care of your kids while they're at home, when they're at school they NEED to deal with problems and all that stuff to fully grow up... if they don't deal with difficult situations right now and don't learn how to get out of problems on their own they will never be able to go out to the REAL world... and all this just because mom thinks his baby is too young to make the right decisions...

Common... we all have individual lifes to live...

bobman1235

Colgate also said that college is where they are learning life skills. It's not it's where they should be applying the life-skills that thier parents taught them.

Ohhh, I see what you're saying.

I just read the article for teh second time, however, and see nothing of that in there. The school is saying they odn't want parents dealing with all of their kids problems. There's nothing about "learning life skills." It's just about living on your own, and handling your own problems. The school isn't saying they want to teach it, they're saying the kids should be able to handle it themselves, which is kind of what YOUR'E saying. You say that by the tiem they get to college they should be able to do things for themselves. Colgate college is saying that by the tiem they get to college they should be able to do things by themselves.

Besides, if you think, as a parent, you can completely teach your kids to live on their own before they've left the house... you're a little delusional. EVERYONE is going to have some ... LEARNING to do on their own once they leave their parents care. You learn new things throughout life (you don't just apply learning), so you hope that your parents have given yo8u a good foundation, but saying that they should have taught you everything you can possibly know is just ... excessive.

Mjr7531

shack wrote:

Zero tolerence is nothing more than school administrations "passing the buck" and it is pure PC BS. I have no problem with kids with guns and knives etc..being expelled as they should be. But I have seen where many kids have fallen under this rule that should not be... ie: water guns, nail files, and purely innocent mistakes are treated the same way as the kid who brings a gun to school with the intenet of capping his teacher. This way the school officials NEVER have any responsiblity for their actions, NEVER have to to make a hard decision...Sorry we know this makes no sense and is not fair....but Zero tolerence .... :mad:

I agree
Man, stuff is simply f'ed up these days, if people could get their noses out of places they shouldn't be. People like me would have to sign forms upon forms waivering this, waivering that during school.

shack

and another thing...and I can speak with authority as a parent who is paying for college right now...If I am shelling out $40,000 per year (which I don't) the instiution owes ME some accountability as to how my money is being spent. I may not be the ultimate end user, but I am the source of funds. The dollar amount is really irrelevant here. If the kid is funding their education themselves via loans, scholarships, working etc... then it is their issues and their responsibility.

I'm not talking about some of the stuff in the article...but I do have a right to make sure the quality of education and facilites is comensurate with the $ being spent.

Many of these universities would like nothing more that to have the parents simply foot the bill and let them and the student interact. It doesn't work that way. I have direct input to my child as to what I expect for my investment and I have the same expection of the institution. I'm not going to get into grades, codes of conduct and so forth, but if I feel that the university is not providing value for my money then I have a right to question and get answers so that I can decide to continue to purchase their services or not. It is basic consumerism...which most universities want no part of.

I probably spoil my kids to some degree...but I hold them to high standards and expectations. I don't coddle them unnecessarily. They have learned when they screw up they usually pay a price. They have also learned that life is not always fair and sometimes you do everything right and the result still is not what you want. Conversely sometimes they screw up and everything works out. Universities are not about life lessons...they are about an education.

I find it kind of ironic that Colgate is the focus of this article. What could be more pampering or "hyper-involved" in your childs life than spending $40K a year (plus expenses) for a college education.

jet2001

What isn't being said is the learning outcomes that students are not leaving college with because mommy and daddy took care of most of the behind the scene's work for them so they could 'concentrate on their education'. What parents don't realize is that it's the little things that really teach life's lessons. Filling your own FAFSA, paying your own bills, registering for your own classes, and being responsible for telling your parents what grades you earn.

Some of you in the field of education understand what FERPA is, and let me tell you, that act causes these 'hellicopter parents' much grief. They don't understand that I can't give them their students information so they can solve their students problems. They don't understand that just because they are paying the bills, doesn't entitle them to their students information...these students are adults and have the right to privacy. Those of us in higher education have been combating hovering mothers and fathers for some time now and it's getting worse. Colgate is not paving the way here, all institutions have been taking this stance, unfortunatly with every incoming freshman class, we start the battle all over again.

The issue about life skills is a good point, however, the fact of the matter is that students are not equiped with these life skills when they get to college and here's a prime example. My office does a presentation to all students during orientation, during this presentation we ask them to write their mailing address on an envelope so we can mail them some information during the summer. You wouldn't believe how many students don't know how to write an address. We get email address, we get phone numbers, we get one line addresses, it's really sad what we get sometimes. If they can't address an envelope, what else have them missed?

janmike

University sure has changed in the last 30 years. Scares the hell out of me knowing that my son will possibly head down that road some day. Lets hope history will repeat itself and that university education will return to its true purpose.

TheReaper

janmike wrote:

University sure has changed in the last 30 years. Scares the hell out of me knowing that my son will possibly head down that road some day. Lets hope history will repeat itself and that university education will return to its true purpose.

Partying!!!

TroyD

I agree 100% with what shack said....however, the issues that you are concerned about, IMO, isn't what Colgate was getting at. I agree with thier philopophy.

I, and just about any other kid, learned a LOT in college that had nothing to with books and classes. It was our first foray out into the world without mom and dad....so, yes, I would say that there is a lot of social education going on that goes on as well. Always has been , always will be.

As far as the rest of it, every generation thinks that the one coming up after sucks. They are immoral, lazy, stupid, whatever. Get over it, already. Our elders said it about us, thier elders about them etc and so forth.

BDT

TroyD

Also, kids today have to deal with a lot of issues that we didn't. Not all of that is thier fault. I deal with a lot of 18-20 year old kids, some of them are the victims of really **** parenting by the majority of them are learning in a short time what it took many of us YEARS to learn. I also see a lot of them shipped off (and have taken more than a few with me) to **** places to do **** things to and they do it better, for the most part, than anyone has any right to expect.

However, this constant coddling and generation full of cream-puffs that is coming from it is hurting them more than helping them

Again John, this is a rash and unfair blanket statement. There are, by now, a few hundred thousand kids of this generation that have seen and done things that you probably couldn't imagine. Go tell them they are 'cream-puffs' and I'll laugh HYSTERICALLY while they kick your **** up and down the block.

And really, isn't it the PARENTS fault more than the childs in the first place?

So, yes, there are legitimate issues with the current young generation, however, to dismiss them as 'unworthy' is a rash generalization that we shouldn't rush to.

BDT

jet2001

Lets hope history will repeat itself and that university education will return to its true purpose.

This statement is at the heart of the current state of higher education. What is the university's purpose? Some say it's a community of scholars where young people come to gather information to better themselves. Others think it is a place where people come to learn about their career. Yet now there is a third opinion on what a university is and that is a continuation of high school.

Through federal funding and many other programs, higher education has become available to more people now than ever before. With many outreach programs that target students in middle school, college is becoming more known and expected of our youth. What does this bring? Some may say a larger community of scholars....unfortunatly I have to disagree. Admission standards on many state universities have been lowered to the point where almost everyone can be admitted. This fact spirals down into the classrooms, where curriculums have to be altered so students with a wide range of educational backgrounds can understand the material being taught. Standards are not being raised, they are being lowered to accomidate all students...not just the one's who have earned the right to be there. As an advisor I see many, many students on a daily basis. These students GPA's range from 4.0 to .025....yes, I said .025. I had to tell this kid that the university setting might not be suited for him. Poor kid was set up for failure, yet with the pressure of attending college from his parents and his peers, he had to come and now he feels like a failure. Yet the 4.0 student is hurt by the poor students as well...profs have to dummy down lectures and make sure everyone understands the material before moving on. Instead of pushing our scholars, we end up telling them to wait for the others to catch up.

Should things go back to the way they were....yes. But that means closing the door on many students and that just isn't the PC thing to do. So colleges and universities will keep advertising for all students to attend, even those who just need to go get a job. What's so wrong with getting a job or going off to serve your country?