funny
warren
Posts: 756
: Darwin Awards
> >
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin
> >> Awards
> >> are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
> >>
> >> Here then, are the glorious Darwin Award Winners:
> >>
> >> 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
> >> victim
> >> during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James
> >> Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
> >> the
> >> barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked....
> >>
> >> And now, the honorable mentions:
> >>
> >> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
> >> cutting
> >> machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
> >> his
> >> insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one
> >> of
> >> its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
> >> finger. The chef's claim was approved.
> >>
> >> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
> >> during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a
> >> woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
> >>
> >> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
> >> driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
> >> transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
> >> admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
> >> offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
> >> passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
> >> patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
> >> deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
> >>
> >> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
> >> head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
> >> received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
> >> trying
> >> to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he
> >> was hit.
> >>
> >> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
> >> counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
> >> drawer,
> >> the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
> >> which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the
> >> clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
> >> amount
> >> of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at
> >> you
> >> and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
> >>
> >> 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
> >> that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
> >> grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved
> >> it
> >> over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit
> >> the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
> >> liquor
> >> store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
> >> videotape.
> >>
> >> 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
> >> grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
> >> the
> >> woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
> >> Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him
> >> in
> >> the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out
> >> of
> >> the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
> >> replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the
> >> purse
> >> from."
> >>
> >> 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
> >> a
> >> Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
> >> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
> >> couldn't
> >> open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
> >> onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
> >> The
> >> man, frustrated, walked away.
> >>
> >> A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
> >>
> >> 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
> >> parked
> >> on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
> >> Police
> >> arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
> >> motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the
> >> man
> >> admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose
> >> into
> >> the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
> >> declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
> >> ever had.
> >
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin
> >> Awards
> >> are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
> >>
> >> Here then, are the glorious Darwin Award Winners:
> >>
> >> 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
> >> victim
> >> during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James
> >> Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
> >> the
> >> barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked....
> >>
> >> And now, the honorable mentions:
> >>
> >> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
> >> cutting
> >> machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
> >> his
> >> insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one
> >> of
> >> its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
> >> finger. The chef's claim was approved.
> >>
> >> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
> >> during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a
> >> woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
> >>
> >> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
> >> driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
> >> transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
> >> admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
> >> offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
> >> passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
> >> patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
> >> deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
> >>
> >> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
> >> head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
> >> received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
> >> trying
> >> to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he
> >> was hit.
> >>
> >> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
> >> counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
> >> drawer,
> >> the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
> >> which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the
> >> clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
> >> amount
> >> of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at
> >> you
> >> and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
> >>
> >> 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
> >> that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
> >> grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved
> >> it
> >> over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit
> >> the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
> >> liquor
> >> store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
> >> videotape.
> >>
> >> 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
> >> grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
> >> the
> >> woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
> >> Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him
> >> in
> >> the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out
> >> of
> >> the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
> >> replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the
> >> purse
> >> from."
> >>
> >> 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
> >> a
> >> Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
> >> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
> >> couldn't
> >> open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
> >> onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
> >> The
> >> man, frustrated, walked away.
> >>
> >> A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
> >>
> >> 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
> >> parked
> >> on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
> >> Police
> >> arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
> >> motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the
> >> man
> >> admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose
> >> into
> >> the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
> >> declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
> >> ever had.
Some final words,
"If you keep banging your head against the wall,
you're going to have headaches."
Warren
"If you keep banging your head against the wall,
you're going to have headaches."
Warren
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
-
Seen it all in a previous post, but it's always good to have another laugh at it!
In UseGeorge Grand wrote: »
PS3, Yamaha CDR-HD1300, Plex, Amazon Fire TV Gen 2
Pioneer Elite VSX-52, Parasound HCA-1000A
Klipsch RF-82ii, RC-62ii, RS-42ii, RW-10d
Epson 8700UB
In Storage
[Home Audio]
Rotel RCD-02, Yamaha KX-W900U, Sony ST-S500ES, Denon DP-7F
Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII, Parasound P/HP-850, ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
Klipsch RF-35, RB-51ii
[Car Audio]
Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP, Memphis 16-MCA3004, Boston Acoustic RC520 -
While I believe that these are all darwin awardees... it ws proven in another post that they are not this years darwin awardees.
Oh, and I think one or two were disqualified because they lived.Ludicrous gibs! -
Got this from an nuc. eng. his name happens to be Darwin, didnt know he was plagerizing, I'll have to go up stairs and kick his ****. Aloha, WarrenSome final words,
"If you keep banging your head against the wall,
you're going to have headaches."
Warren -
Subject: FW: Clean jokes to make you laugh today.
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all.
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kid.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were invest! igating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one. Aloha, WarrenSome final words,
"If you keep banging your head against the wall,
you're going to have headaches."
Warren
