Comprehending Engineers

Frank Z

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want!" The other engineer nodded
approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight. "The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he
can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else
to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on
the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This where your problem
is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer
responded briefly: One chalk mark $ 1. Knowing where to put it $49,999 .
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a
Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a sewage
pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

---

Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
now that's cool."

HBombToo

Ya know Frank I had a really tough day as an engineer and this lightened my loathing;)

There has GOT to be a better way to make a living but I just keep taken the abuse....

1/4twin

Frank Z

I was always thought engineers wore funny hats and carried and oil can....guess I was slightly mistaken.:D

audiobliss

ROFL!!! That was great!! Thanks!!

Airplay355

bunch of loser engineers....i woulda tongued that frog like there was no tomorrow

madmax

Hey, I'm a looser engineer and I take offense to that...
madmax