Pilot Gripe List
AsSiMiLaTeD
Posts: 11,728
OK, maybe some of you hosers will like this, found it elsewhere...
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline
that has never had an accident..... Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline
that has never had an accident..... Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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lol Matthew
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason
HT
Yamaha RX-V2500
CS400-Center
SDA 1A-Mains
RT20-Surround
None right now-Rears
SVS 20-39PCi
Infocus IN72 -
Haven't seen that one in years -
Just as funny the 2nd time around though!! HT & Music System:
Receiver - Denon AVR-3805
DVD/SACD Player - Denon DVD-2900
Outlaw 770 amp
Polk LSi 15's up front
Polk LSiC center
Polk LSi F/X surrounds
SVS 16-46 PC+ Subwoofer
Sony Wega KDF-50WE655 -
Thanks for the laugh.:DMarantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
-
LoL, thanks for that. I like the cat one.Setup:
Adcom GFA-545 amp
Nad 1600 pre
Dual 704 TT
Pioneer 707 R2R
Pioneer DV-578A Multi-format
Polk SDA-2 Mains -
Political Correctness'.........defined
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk -
I don't know how many times I've seen that. Makes me almost piss myself every time. Thanks"Sure, everything looks bad if you remember it!"
-
That is somebody's idea of a funny. It IS funny. I've seen it a couple dozen times, but never atrributed to anyone, especially Quantas.
If you think Quantas or any other respectable airline would tolerate those kind of remarks by maintenance personnel I have some stuff I'd like to sell you. Cheap too.
It's make believe. Funny, but make believe.
George Grand (of the Jersey Grands) -
I'm sure it is...just copied and pasted, difinitely not my own words...Originally posted by George Grand
That is somebody's idea of a funny. It IS funny. I've seen it a couple dozen times, but never atrributed to anyone, especially Quantas.
If you think Quantas or any other respectable airline would tolerate those kind of remarks by maintenance personnel I have some stuff I'd like to sell you. Cheap too.
It's make believe. Funny, but make believe.
George Grand (of the Jersey Grands)
