rules men live by
trubluluc
Posts: 2,067
THE RULES ACCORDING TO MEN
We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok
- we now hear the guys' side.
These are our rules! Please note ... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with
it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun
formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going
to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.
Obvious
hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out
of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends
are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! . Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the
other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done - not both. If you already know
best how
to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
And quit
whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care
about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is
just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape
We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok
- we now hear the guys' side.
These are our rules! Please note ... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with
it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun
formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going
to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.
Obvious
hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out
of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends
are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! . Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the
other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done - not both. If you already know
best how
to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
And quit
whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care
about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is
just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
-
Nope didn't write it.
Yep, sure there are others.
-luc -
AHhhh hahahaha. I needed a good early morning laugh (wow, 10am already!)
I went over this girls house and she was showing me her dress that she had, asking me, "Isn't this a cool dress? Looks it's got {waaa waaa waaa Waaa waaa}.....[fade out]...."
Me: "Wow, that dress is awesome!"
~JB -
Luc-How true how true. I got a good laugh too. Post some more dude.Chris
-
<Me: "Wow, that dress is awesome!">
I bet you struggled to spit those words out!
Here is me at work.
Girl (wearing nothing but a thong & baring her A** literally in my face): "John, please keep the lights to a minimum. They make me look fat. SEE!!!"
Me: "Uhhhhhh...what???"
No excuses! -
It really must suck to be you John.....
TroyI plan for the future. - F1Nut
