Worlds greatest jokes!!

Frank Z
Frank Z Posts: 5,860
edited March 2024 in Clubhouse Archives
Well not THE greatest, but at least a few good beginnings. Here's the deal folks, a while back I started a thread for all of you to add your favorite punch lines but this time I wanna see the first one or two opening lines. post as many as you like.

A few simple rules
Please don't put the whole joke down, it really ruins the effect.

Please keep it as clean as possible, you know how to get the point across

No begging for the rest of the joke!!


Here we go!!

Oprah Winfrey decides to go on a diet so she goes to see a doc before getting started. He tells her to strip and get on all fours against the wall..................



A lumber-jack walks into a bar in San Francisco with a huge snapping turtle under his arm.................



What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in a bath tub?





:D
9/11 - WE WILL NEVER FORGET!! (<---<<click)
2005-06 Club Polk Football Pool Champion!! :D
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
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Comments

  • PolkThug
    PolkThug Posts: 7,532
    edited January 2005
    A bear asks a rabbit if he has a problem with **** sticking to his fur....
    Never Forget
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  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,623
    edited January 2005
    Because it's 2am and I'm confused.......

    You want just a few opening lines of other peoples jokes that have no punchlines? I don't get it.
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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  • Strong Bad
    Strong Bad Posts: 4,278
    edited January 2005
    Originally posted by PolkThug
    A bear asks a rabbit if he has a problem with **** sticking to his fur....

    The Rabbit says NO. So the bear wipes his **** with the Rabbit.


    :D
    No excuses!
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  • PolkThug
    PolkThug Posts: 7,532
    edited January 2005
    Originally posted by john d. strong
    The Rabbit says NO. So the bear wipes his **** with the Rabbit.


    :D

    Always one of my fav's!:D
    Never Forget
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  • Strong Bad
    Strong Bad Posts: 4,278
    edited January 2005
    Originally posted by PolkThug
    Always one of my fav's!:D

    Eddie Murphy "Delirious", early 80's, right?

    Thats where I first heard it.

    Great joke! :D


    john
    No excuses!
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  • Tour2ma
    Tour2ma Posts: 10,177
    edited January 2005
    Jesus and Moses came down from heaven to play a round of golf...
    More later,
    Tour...
    Vox Copuli
    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Old English Proverb

    "Death doesn't come with a Uhaul." - Dennis Gardner
    "It's easy to get lost in price vs performance vs ego vs illusion." - doro
    "There is a certain entertainment value in ripping the occaisonal (sic) buttmunch..." - TroyD
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  • Frank Z
    Frank Z Posts: 5,860
    edited January 2005
    Originally posted by Tour2ma
    Jesus and Moses came down from heaven to play a round of golf...
    Thinking.....thinking.....

    I KNOW THIS ONE...WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!:D
    9/11 - WE WILL NEVER FORGET!! (<---<<click)
    2005-06 Club Polk Football Pool Champion!! :D
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  • Toxis
    Toxis Posts: 5,116
    edited January 2005
    One day, this redneck from the hills decides it's time to get a visectomy...
    Never kick a fresh **** on a hot day.

    Home Setup: Sony VPL-VW85 Projo, 92" Stewart Firehawk, Pioneer Elite SC-65, PS3, RTi12 fronts, CSi5, FXi6 rears, RTi6 surround backs, RTi4 height, MFW-15 Subwoofer.

    Car Setup: OEM Radio, RF 360.2v2, Polk SR6500 quad amped off 4 Xtant 1.1 100w mono amps, Xtant 6.1 to run an eD 13av.2, all Stinger wiring and Raammat deadener.
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  • spwuinmk67
    spwuinmk67 Posts: 797
    edited January 2005
    Originally posted by Toxis
    One day, this redneck from the hills decides it's time to get a visectomy...

    Well it's about damn time..:)
    1993 Ford Ranger super cab:
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P880PRS
    MB Quart QSD216
    in need of amps and subs

    Home:
    52" Sharp Aquos
    PolkAudio Monitor 10's
    Harmon Kardon HK3375
    Xbox 360
    PolkAudio XM tuner

    Owner and co-designer of www.basicholdem.com
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  • brody05
    brody05 Posts: 329
    edited February 2005
    Theres the one about the same nagging problem from country to country........

    The missus got a headache????

    Sprinkle ground Asprin on the old fella and it can be taken orally or as a suppository.........

    Nice:eek:
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