Things That Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn
F1nut
Posts: 50,734
Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky **** and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky **** and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Political Correctness'.........defined
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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So Jesse...
When did you start collecting this data?
Very funny- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit. -
How true. Especially the wine...;)
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I love it!
Especially #7 -
Originally posted by amulford
How true. Especially the wine...;)
I must have a twin in Jersey because that I took as a true-ism in the HBomb residence
HBomb***WAREMTAE*** -
Originally posted by F1nut
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Awesome!polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
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polkaudio SR6500 --- polkaudio MM1040 x2 -- Pioneer P99 -- Rockford Fosgate P1000X5D -
Originally posted by HBombToo
I must have a twin in Jersey because that I took as a true-ism in the HBomb residence
HBomb
Hell, Henry. You know they loved us for who we are. There's just a couple of things we would do if we REALLY loved them...
:rolleyes:
Jersey Twin -
Originally posted by F1nut
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
How true this is!
JohnNo excuses! -
I find it revealing that no one has commented on this yet:
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Come on fellow sickos - we've got the disease!
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What line???
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13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
A very true statement!
Should be added with the caveat "Never piss off two people in your life. The person who makes your food and the person who brings it to you!"Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you! -
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)
So true; I'm only 17 and can already say that I wish I had more.....
number 1 is just hilarious......
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Originally posted by Jstas
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
A very true statement!
Should be added with the caveat "Never piss off two people in your life. The person who makes your food and the person who brings it to you!"
Couldnt agree more. I worked in restaurants back in the day and I can assure you, you treat your server or cook like ****, they WILL be getting even. You just wont know about it! polkaudio sound quality competitor since 2005
MECA SQ Rookie of the Year 06 ~ MECA State Champ 06,07,08,11 ~ MECA World Finals 2nd place 06,07,08,09
08 Car Audio Nationals 1st ~ 07 N Georgia Nationals 1st ~ 06 Carl Casper Nationals 1st ~ USACi 05 Southeast AutumnFest 1st
polkaudio SR6500 --- polkaudio MM1040 x2 -- Pioneer P99 -- Rockford Fosgate P1000X5D -
Originally posted by BlueMDPicker
I find it revealing that no one has commented on this yet:
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Come on fellow sickos - we've got the disease!
I've had this line in my signature for some time . Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support
group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
-Drew Carey
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-Unknown
My DVD Collection -
i will have to disagree with number 7 i do it all the time with real sharp ones.
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Then you obviously speak with forked tongue 2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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Originally posted by dragon1952
Then you obviously speak with forked tongue
ROFL.........:p
In UseGeorge Grand wrote: »
PS3, Yamaha CDR-HD1300, Plex, Amazon Fire TV Gen 2
Pioneer Elite VSX-52, Parasound HCA-1000A
Klipsch RF-82ii, RC-62ii, RS-42ii, RW-10d
Epson 8700UB
In Storage
[Home Audio]
Rotel RCD-02, Yamaha KX-W900U, Sony ST-S500ES, Denon DP-7F
Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII, Parasound P/HP-850, ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
Klipsch RF-35, RB-51ii
[Car Audio]
Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP, Memphis 16-MCA3004, Boston Acoustic RC520
