Classic "Hollywood Squares" Lines

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F1nut
F1nut Posts: 49,967
edited February 29 in Clubhouse Archives
Some classic lines from the "Hollywood Squares" TV show before the dawn of the politically correct BS, enjoy!


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?!
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.



:D
Political Correctness'.........defined

"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."


President of Club Polk

Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on

Comments

  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,621
    edited October 2004
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    I knew that it was about 'that' time, but it's sad when you see one of your own losing their mind right in front of your face.....

    http://clubpolk.polkaudio.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=18847&highlight=hollywood

    :D:D:D
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
  • Tour2ma
    Tour2ma Posts: 10,177
    edited October 2004
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    Dibs on his rig...

    Missed the earlier thread, so I'm glad Jesse's bulb was a tad dim tonite...

    Held it together until I read, "Make him bark?", with Paul Linde's voice in my head no less. Eyes teared up from laughing...
    More later,
    Tour...
    Vox Copuli
    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Old English Proverb

    "Death doesn't come with a Uhaul." - Dennis Gardner

    "It's easy to get lost in price vs performance vs ego vs illusion." - doro
    "There is a certain entertainment value in ripping the occaisonal (sic) buttmunch..." - TroyD
  • F1nut
    F1nut Posts: 49,967
    edited October 2004
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    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    Hell, I lost it years ago! :D
    Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."


    President of Club Polk

  • amulford
    amulford Posts: 5,020
    edited October 2004
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    It's all right Jesse. When you lose the memory, you don't remember having one anyway. It's kinda serene...
  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,621
    edited October 2004
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    Originally posted by amulford
    It's all right Jesse. When you lose the memory, you don't remember having one anyway. It's kinda serene...
    Ya, but he doesn't have the luxury of blaming it on alcohol.....:D
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
  • F1nut
    F1nut Posts: 49,967
    edited October 2004
    Options
    You're all effers! Wait, who am I saying that to???
    Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."


    President of Club Polk

  • shack
    shack Posts: 11,154
    edited October 2004
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    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
    Man....I'm getting old. I actually remember watching George Gobel on TV years ago and laughing my **** off. I thought he was hilarious....and still do...
    "Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right." - Ricky Gervais

    "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase

    "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson
  • reeltrouble1
    reeltrouble1 Posts: 9,312
    edited October 2004
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    WWwwAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, oh for the good old days, well, let me think about that.......................:D
  • F1nut
    F1nut Posts: 49,967
    edited March 16
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    NM
    Post edited by F1nut on
    Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."


    President of Club Polk

  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,208
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    I wonder just how far they’re going to go back to do their edits. Should we be worried about what we did when we were in diapers?
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
  • invalid
    invalid Posts: 1,302
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    I wonder just how far they’re going to go back to do their edits. Should we be worried about what we did when we were in diapers?

    Now I'm curious to see that post.
  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,208
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    Jesse’ first post from twenty years ago was altered by a mod yesterday
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
  • treitz3
    treitz3 Posts: 18,533
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    From Blazing Saddles to censorship. In the name of what? Ridiculous, if you ask me. The moderators used to be 10 times worse than this...but it is what it is.

    The times are a changin'. (not for the better either)

    Rewriting history and erasing the unpleasurables is NOT the way to go about it. Let history be history and if the rules change? Simply let us know. It's as easy as that.

    Corporate pencil pushers who are busy driving this once great company into the ground are most likely the force behind this.

    Waste of time, if you ask me. Polk would be better served putting their efforts into getting parts, speakers (other than just a left speaker) and their customer service back to where it was but no.....they want to concentrate on this????

    Tom

    ~ In search of accurate reproduction of music. Real sound is my reference and while perfection may not be attainable? If I chase it, I might just catch excellence. ~
  • F1nut
    F1nut Posts: 49,967
    edited March 16
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    Upon further investigation Ryan is NOT editing posts, he is archiving the Clubhouse threads starting in 2001. All forum info prior to 2001 was lost in a host change.
    Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."


    President of Club Polk

  • Viking64
    Viking64 Posts: 6,768
    Options
    Peter Marshall: "Paul, what do some parents give their children to show them that they love them?"

    Paul Lynde: "A beating." :p