Saturday Funny... Better than my Friday ones.. I promise

Tour2ma

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of a plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15 seconds. The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before. The man was becoming more and more curious about the
shuddering.

A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently. The man could no longer restrain his curiosity.

He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times, wiped your nose with a tissue, then shuddered violently! Are you all right?"

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare
condition; when I sneeze, I have an ****."

The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."

HBombToo

shack

Since it is Saturday...and I'm getting ready to go play golf this afternoon, here are a couple of my favorite golf jokes....

An older gentleman takes his son and his grandson for a round at the local course. Being very busy there, they were asked if they wouldn't mind taking a fourth in their group -- an absolute knock-out, probably the most beautiful woman any of them had seen. Obviously, the three men agree.

On the way to the first tee, the woman states "All that I ask is none of you try to coach me on my game. I really hate that!" The men agree.

It didn't take long to realize that no coaching was needed for this woman, as she made par on every hole, handily beating these three gentlemen.

They finally make it to the 18th green, and the beautiful woman suddenly gets concerned - she has a 30 foot putt to make par. "I've never, ever parred a course before. So I'm going to let each one of you make one suggestion as to how I should aim this shot. And if I make this putt because of your coaching, I'll give you a night of sex you'll never forget!"

The grandson, full of vigor, steps up and says "Aim 6 inches to the left, hit it firm, and in it will go."

The son, showing his maturity, states "Nope. Aim 12 inches to the left, hit it soft, and let the terrain push it in the hole."

Last up is the grandfather, who walks the 30 feet, picks up the woman's ball and says

"That's a gimme."

and:

A woman taking her first golf lesson wasn't having much success at all. After repeated attempts, the pro just could not get her to grip the club properly. Finally, he said to her "Mrs. Smith, just hold onto the club as if it was your husband's ****!"

Well, the next shot was beautiful. Immediately, the woman spun around and smugly said "How did you like that one coach?"

"Great shot, right down the center of the fairway! Now, take the club out of your mouth and we'll go for distance."

Tour2ma

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.