bad jokes...but it's Friday
Willow
Posts: 11,056
> FINALLY THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING
> MALE-BASHING JOKES
>
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
>
> None. It should be opened by the time she
> brings it.
>
> -
>
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a
> woman?
>
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
> will probably never be able to support you.
>
> -
>
> Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>
> It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
> them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
> -
>
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something
> smart?
>
> When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.
>
> -
>
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
>
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>
> -
>
> Why do men **** more than women?
>
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the
> required pressure.
>
> -
>
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
> yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
>
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>
> -
>
> I married Miss Right.
>
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
> -
>
> I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
>
> I don't like to interrupt her.
>
> -
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a
> woman's sex drive by 90%.
>
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>
> -
>
> Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
>
> Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
>
> -
>
> Our last fight was my fault:
>
> My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
>
> -
>
> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then
> God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
>
> Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
>
> -
>
> Why do men die before their wives?
>
> They want to.
>
> -
>
> Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
> of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
> her?"
>
> Dad: That happens in every country, son.
>
> -
>
> A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
> Wife wanted.
>
> The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
> said the same thing: "You can have mine."
>
> -
>
> The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
> is to forget it once.
>
> -
>
> Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
> down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
> still think they are beautiful.
> MALE-BASHING JOKES
>
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
>
> None. It should be opened by the time she
> brings it.
>
> -
>
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a
> woman?
>
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
> will probably never be able to support you.
>
> -
>
> Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>
> It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
> them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
> -
>
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something
> smart?
>
> When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.
>
> -
>
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
>
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
>
> -
>
> Why do men **** more than women?
>
> Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the
> required pressure.
>
> -
>
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
> yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
>
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
>
> -
>
> I married Miss Right.
>
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>
> -
>
> I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
>
> I don't like to interrupt her.
>
> -
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a
> woman's sex drive by 90%.
>
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
>
> -
>
> Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
>
> Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
>
> -
>
> Our last fight was my fault:
>
> My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
>
> -
>
> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then
> God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
>
> Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
>
> -
>
> Why do men die before their wives?
>
> They want to.
>
> -
>
> Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
> of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
> her?"
>
> Dad: That happens in every country, son.
>
> -
>
> A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
> Wife wanted.
>
> The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
> said the same thing: "You can have mine."
>
> -
>
> The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
> is to forget it once.
>
> -
>
> Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
> down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
> still think they are beautiful.
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
-
Some funny ones there Willow. After 30 years of marriage you need to chuckle at the nature of some things.:)
-
30 years congrats !! only been 3 yrs married for us but together for 8...best 8 yrs of my life...
I know the jokes are chauvenistic.... but everything in moderation...
