Jokes
Jstas
Posts: 14,842
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage,
and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
> > >
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
cause I still have mine"
> > >
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
> > >
-
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I
don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and
really good with the kids.
> > >
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man
and wife."
> > >
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
> >
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how
long it'll taketo fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
> > >
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
> > >
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde
wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity
gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could
start by buyin g me a drink."
> > >
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
> > >
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor
used> in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
> > >
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one
and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
> > >
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
cause I still have mine"
> > >
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
> > >
-
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I
don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and
really good with the kids.
> > >
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man
and wife."
> > >
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
> >
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how
long it'll taketo fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
> > >
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
> > >
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde
wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity
gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could
start by buyin g me a drink."
> > >
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
> > >
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor
used> in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
> > >
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one
Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you!
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you!
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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Music is like candy, you have to get rid of the rappers to enjoy it -
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
> >
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how
long it'll taketo fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
Great stuff, my friend. Great stuff, indeed. -
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one
That is the funniest joke I have read in a while, all of them were darn right slap knee funny! Awesome! Keep em coming!- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit.
