It's Friday, how about something offensive?
RuSsMaN
Posts: 17,987
Been a little while since we had a nice, offensive post.
I'll get things started.
Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are ****...
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you
are ****. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the
boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you are single and have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
a dog, but **** - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...
"Killer, come here! I said get your **** over here, Killer!" Now
think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so ****.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish
guts, pickled pigs feet, or ****. Anything else and you are in
training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a ****.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in
a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high
hard one in the **** chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black,
and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what
artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet
in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes
to your ****. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain
to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all
the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA
and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
"fressier" is you're ****. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the
wheel to honk at a slow-**** driver or to cut the punk off. The
rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station,
eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his **** in the
passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,
vous le ****, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching
any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely
to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is
what happens to **** when they flame out too quickly.
Cheers,
Russ
I'll get things started.
Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are ****...
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you
are ****. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the
boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you are single and have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
a dog, but **** - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...
"Killer, come here! I said get your **** over here, Killer!" Now
think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so ****.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish
guts, pickled pigs feet, or ****. Anything else and you are in
training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a ****.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in
a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high
hard one in the **** chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black,
and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what
artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet
in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes
to your ****. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain
to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all
the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA
and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
"fressier" is you're ****. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the
wheel to honk at a slow-**** driver or to cut the punk off. The
rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station,
eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his **** in the
passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,
vous le ****, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching
any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely
to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is
what happens to **** when they flame out too quickly.
Cheers,
Russ
Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
Post edited by RuSsMaN on
Comments
-
....is starting to kick in eh?
-Luc -
Why pussyfoot around? Let's choose somebody's name at random and just torment them? For no good reason.
George Grand -
Originally posted by George Grand
Why pussyfoot around? Let's choose somebody's name at random and just torment them? For no good reason.
George Grand
GGG!
**** George Grand -
Not ME you dunderhead. I don't like to be picked on. Somebody else. A name picked at random............... from this list.
a. Spyderman
b. Scott T.
c. Bullwinkle
George Grand (of the Jersey Grands) -
Dunderhead, I LOVE that.
Can I use that, or do I have to pay royalties like 'Crackpot'?
Cheers,
RussCheck your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service. -
Don't get me started on your misappropriation of all the good **** I come up with. The list grows longer every day. Yesterday there were a few.
Crackpot
Dunderhead
Rancho de ...........
"Who'll join ME over at AK?"
Deep bass that rolls around the room at your knees
Give me some time and I'll remember the rest. OR, you could just quote me.
George Grand (of the Jersey Grands) -
Okay, who's gonna pick one of the names? Any one of the three picked at random will do.
George Grand (of the Jersey Grands) -
I dunno man... GGG has a nice flaming ring to it!"she had the body of Venus, with arms."
-
Apparently someone has never had their **** kicked (or contemplated the thought) by a walking brick-wall from Jersey in a wife-beater tee, that reaks of rum and brylcreme.
Cheers,
RussCheck your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service. -
PFFFFFFFFT
Apparently someone has never met my wife!"she had the body of Venus, with arms." -
I'm sorry honey...just kidding:D"she had the body of Venus, with arms."
-
Man Sore. Fun post.
-
quote:
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high
hard one in the **** chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black,
and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what
artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet
in your mouth, you've had a man there, too. :end quote:
Is regular coffee with 2% milk OK?????
2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones -
I dont drink coffee. Be a real man, grab a cheerwine.
Where will you be when the craving hits?
- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit. -
Originally posted by Vr3MxStyler2k3
I dont drink coffee. Be a real man, grab a cheerwine.
Where will you be when the craving hits?
What the hell is cheerwine??
Strong, black coffee in the mornings, beer in the afternoon, reverse on weekends or make it all beer... -
Originally posted by wlrandall
Strong, black coffee in the mornings, beer in the afternoon, reverse on weekends or make it all beer...
I think I have a real Twin in Polk County!
HBomb***WAREMTAE*** -
Apparently someone has never had their **** kicked (or contemplated the thought) by a walking brick-wall from Jersey in a wife-beater tee, that reaks of rum and brylcreme.
How about this guy?Outlaw 990 Processor
Outlaw 755 Amp
Denon 2900 dvd-sacd
Dishnetwork HD-Dvr
55" Sony LCD RPTV
Lsi 9-fronts
Lsic-center
Rt55i- surrounds
Velodyne cht-10 sub
2007 Dodge Quad cab
Kenwood Excelon KDC-X891
JL Audio 300/V2
Polk Audio SR 6500 - Fronts
Polk Audio DB651 - Rear
2 -10" Treo Subs
Interfire IB 2600C sub amp
Sirius Sat radio
Ipod connection -
Originally posted by RuSsMaN
2. If you are single and have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
a dog, but ****
Hey. I'm single with a cat. I work too much to leave a dog home alone. Besides, chicks dig cats, and they have to bend over much further to pet them.
The Family
Polk SDA-1C's
Polk SDA-2
Polk Monitor 10B's
Polk LSI-9's
Polk Monitor 5's
Polk 5 jr's
Polk PSW-450 Sub
Polk CSI40 Center
Do not one day come to die, and discover you have not lived.
This is pretty f***ed up right here. -
Cheerwine is a soft drink only available in NC, SC, GA- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit.
-
ok, then how would that be funny?"she had the body of Venus, with arms."
-
Its not funny...
I was just making a statement...
I dont drink coffee
and "Where will you be when the craving hits" - is their comercial slogan- Not Tom ::::::: Any system can play Diana Krall. Only the best can play Limp Bizkit. -
Originally posted by RuSsMaN
Dunderhead, I LOVE that.
9. When a man says "I LOVE this/that/it", he is a certifiable poof. Especially if there is emphasis on "LOVE".
Now insert mouth wide open...
-
Hmmmmm....now I am starting to understand why Russ has all those pics of guys passed out in the man cave:eek:"she had the body of Venus, with arms."
-
For those who might have a difficult time telling the difference.
http://www.btinternet.com/~b3ta/gayorstraight/ -
Originally posted by ninerbj
Hmmmmm....now I am starting to understand why Russ has all those pics of guys passed out in the man cave:eek:
hmmm... and who might you be referring to?
Henry***WAREMTAE*** -
I dunno Henry, did you by chance have a sore **** with that hangover??"she had the body of Venus, with arms."
-
IF, and let me stress the word IF - I'd at least have the Goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.
Cheers,
RussCheck your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service. -
-
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
-
Full Metal Jacket ...Originally posted by RuSsMaN
... common courtesy to give him a reach-around ...
