If your as old as I am, maybe you'll remember some of these precious words of wisdom.
HBombToo
Posts: 5,256
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all those peas are gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a cyclone hit it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand"
25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
"Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."
HBomb
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all those peas are gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a cyclone hit it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand"
25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
"Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."
HBomb
***WAREMTAE***
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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A teacher gave her class an assignment - talk to your parents and have the parents tell you a story with a good moral.
The next day the kids returned with their stories. Ashley said, "I live on a farm and we have a lot of hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market when my little brother dropped the basket and they all broke. So the moral of this story is, 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!".
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too, but we raise chickens for meat. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got five live chicks. The moral is, 'Don't count your chickens before they hatch!'"
"Very good, Sarah," said the teacher.
"Now Little Johnny, do you have a story?" Johnny said .. "My daddy told me this story about Aunt Karen."
"She was a fighter pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, then she landed in the middle of 100 Iraqi troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke. Then she chased down and strangled the last 10 with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drunk!!!***WAREMTAE*** -
This was more likely to be dads line ... which sometimes was followed by ... and it doesn't make any difference to me cause I'll make another one that looks just like you.Originally posted by HBombToo
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." -
I remember these..
good stuff!
-Luc -
Well, I'm a bit younger than "old ****"
but I've been given many of those lines Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you! -
Great Post - Think I heard most of these growing up...........
My dad taught me about HARDSHIP.
"When I was your age we had to walk backwards 6 miles to school through the snow in the dark with no shoes "
course maybe he was trying to teach me about BS:D -
"When I was your age we had to walk backwards 6 miles to school through the snow in the dark with no shoes "
My dad added "uphill, both ways." -
Don't forget about the packs of rabid dogs that roamed the streets back then.
If you have never walked to school uphill in the snow barefoot being chased by packs of rabid dogs, you can't possibly know how good you have it.There are two ways to argue with women. Both of them are wrong.
