The Larry Rack Trilogy
Hermitism
Posts: 4,276
First off, I want to start by thanking all the members of the forum for their support, thoughts and kind words.....for Larry.
I.
I had a chance to talk to Larry a few weeks ago via email. First time communicating with Larry privately...really great guy, I can see where all the love for him comes from. In fact, he's inspired me to invent my own rings called Hermit Rings. The ring will fit around your head and dampen resonance from your skull which will bring clarity to your cochlea. <(that's not a bad word, it's not a parole violation) You won't look cool wearing it, but no one will ever see you because it's meant for hermits, hence the product name. Forget about Larry Rings, I want a "Larry Rack". Have you seen pictures of that thing? Sometimes at night during "private time" before going to sleep I like to look at pictures of Larry's audio rack. It's really something to behold! If I owned that rack and later fell on hard times and became homeless, it would be the one thing I wouldn't give up. You'd see me on the side of the street wearing a "User Banned" t-shirt with a bunch of fellow homeless people pushing around their stolen grocery carts, except I'd be pushing around Larry's rack after putting it on rollers because of my refusal to part with it. I wouldn't have any audio equipment on the shelves, just toilet paper and a used ham sandwich I got out of the trash. My goal would be to one day be featured on "Pimp My Ride" and have "I Heart Larry" decals put all over the shelves, and chrome roller wheels and curb feelers added. Then one day when Larry becomes famous for building high end audio accessories and is being driven around by a chauffeur, he'll recognize his rack on the side of the road and see me panhandling and he'll float me a "ten spot" that I'll spend on a bottle of Grape Ripple and we'll reminisce about our thirty day incarceration. Good times.
II.
Not long after, I start having some intestinal discomfort and I'll hitch a ride to the free clinic only to discover I have worms from eating raw or spoiled food from the trash. I'll have no choice but to sell Larry's rack. I'll rejoin the Polk forum under a fake name because my original account had been permanently banned for something I did years prior to the banning. I offer Larry's rack up for sale for 20% more than he sold it for, but Jesse tells me I can't sell it because I don't have enough posts. I end up selling it at a scrap yard because of it's metal frame, but don't get enough money to pay for the dewormer medication. Weeks later I'm found dead clutching a spike off of Larry's rack that I had saved, with a five foot long worm crawling out of me. On the ground next to me, you could faintly see the red letters "L A R" written from a used packet of ketchup as ink. I died before finishing. The police investigators think the word "Lar" was in reference to the movie "Lars and The Real Girl", about a delusional young man that strikes up an unconventional relationship with a doll he buys on the internet. But in fact those letters in ketchup represented my unconventional relationship with Larry's rack, fueled by the forum and it's administration that shunned me. Maybe I'll come back as the "ghost of forum past".
III.
I'll be buried in one of those unmarked graves for people that don't have money for grave stones. It'll have weeds grown up around it because who's going to care about an old hermit. But one day, you'll see where someone wrote the word "polkie" with a stick in the dirt above my pine box. Was it Larry? Actually, it was originally spelled "polky" with a "y", but a couple days later someone else came by, drew a line threw it and wrote "*polkie" along with a drawing of a dog's head, which looked more like a fat guinea pig. It's hard to draw in the dirt with a stick. The months that pass bring mysterious objects to my grave. One day, a box of vintage 35mm camera film taped to a Patty Larkin CD and a hand written letter that I didn't fully understand because I didn't have a dictionary...because I'm dead. Then a $5,000 MIT cable is laid to rest beside me. It wasn't coiled. Was this the equivalent of a Polk forum RIP thread? More items appear. A set of Wireworld interconnects and a refurbished Dayens Menuetto, no remote. A plate of Italian meatballs with a Republican lapel pin stuck in one of the balls and a bottle of wine that I don't know how to pronounce. An extra shelf off of a Salamander rack along with an autographed photo of David Tennant, a used WiFi adapter and Festivus pole with Pacific Parrotlet feathers glued to the top to simulate a Christmas tree star or angel, a Tiger Woods golf ball, a cup of lead shot and sand that was layered like a candy cane along with a CD filled with what I can only describe as...elevator music. An Audioquest HDMI cable...it was a Forest, a copy of Al Gore's An Inconvenient Sequel, a box of Poly-fil with the words "thread jacker" written on the top flap of the box, a tube of Neosporin, a fully Dynamated professional looking (not hodgepodge) driver and PR, a broken front spoiler off a Boxter that looked like it had hit it's fair share of curbs and a pair of skinny jeans, a thinking monkey bobblehead, a Respect Blue Spaces flyer, a Fortress Edition crossover for a speaker I don't own. A picture of a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader wearing "The Joker" facial makeup, a structural pole from a basement, a pamphlet detailing the instructions on re-skinning a forum, a CD single of Diggin up Bones by Randy Travis, a SX780 with uneven wattage meters, a used oven with a bad heating element with dried contents of a fire extinguisher stuck to it.
I.
I had a chance to talk to Larry a few weeks ago via email. First time communicating with Larry privately...really great guy, I can see where all the love for him comes from. In fact, he's inspired me to invent my own rings called Hermit Rings. The ring will fit around your head and dampen resonance from your skull which will bring clarity to your cochlea. <(that's not a bad word, it's not a parole violation) You won't look cool wearing it, but no one will ever see you because it's meant for hermits, hence the product name. Forget about Larry Rings, I want a "Larry Rack". Have you seen pictures of that thing? Sometimes at night during "private time" before going to sleep I like to look at pictures of Larry's audio rack. It's really something to behold! If I owned that rack and later fell on hard times and became homeless, it would be the one thing I wouldn't give up. You'd see me on the side of the street wearing a "User Banned" t-shirt with a bunch of fellow homeless people pushing around their stolen grocery carts, except I'd be pushing around Larry's rack after putting it on rollers because of my refusal to part with it. I wouldn't have any audio equipment on the shelves, just toilet paper and a used ham sandwich I got out of the trash. My goal would be to one day be featured on "Pimp My Ride" and have "I Heart Larry" decals put all over the shelves, and chrome roller wheels and curb feelers added. Then one day when Larry becomes famous for building high end audio accessories and is being driven around by a chauffeur, he'll recognize his rack on the side of the road and see me panhandling and he'll float me a "ten spot" that I'll spend on a bottle of Grape Ripple and we'll reminisce about our thirty day incarceration. Good times.
II.
Not long after, I start having some intestinal discomfort and I'll hitch a ride to the free clinic only to discover I have worms from eating raw or spoiled food from the trash. I'll have no choice but to sell Larry's rack. I'll rejoin the Polk forum under a fake name because my original account had been permanently banned for something I did years prior to the banning. I offer Larry's rack up for sale for 20% more than he sold it for, but Jesse tells me I can't sell it because I don't have enough posts. I end up selling it at a scrap yard because of it's metal frame, but don't get enough money to pay for the dewormer medication. Weeks later I'm found dead clutching a spike off of Larry's rack that I had saved, with a five foot long worm crawling out of me. On the ground next to me, you could faintly see the red letters "L A R" written from a used packet of ketchup as ink. I died before finishing. The police investigators think the word "Lar" was in reference to the movie "Lars and The Real Girl", about a delusional young man that strikes up an unconventional relationship with a doll he buys on the internet. But in fact those letters in ketchup represented my unconventional relationship with Larry's rack, fueled by the forum and it's administration that shunned me. Maybe I'll come back as the "ghost of forum past".
III.
I'll be buried in one of those unmarked graves for people that don't have money for grave stones. It'll have weeds grown up around it because who's going to care about an old hermit. But one day, you'll see where someone wrote the word "polkie" with a stick in the dirt above my pine box. Was it Larry? Actually, it was originally spelled "polky" with a "y", but a couple days later someone else came by, drew a line threw it and wrote "*polkie" along with a drawing of a dog's head, which looked more like a fat guinea pig. It's hard to draw in the dirt with a stick. The months that pass bring mysterious objects to my grave. One day, a box of vintage 35mm camera film taped to a Patty Larkin CD and a hand written letter that I didn't fully understand because I didn't have a dictionary...because I'm dead. Then a $5,000 MIT cable is laid to rest beside me. It wasn't coiled. Was this the equivalent of a Polk forum RIP thread? More items appear. A set of Wireworld interconnects and a refurbished Dayens Menuetto, no remote. A plate of Italian meatballs with a Republican lapel pin stuck in one of the balls and a bottle of wine that I don't know how to pronounce. An extra shelf off of a Salamander rack along with an autographed photo of David Tennant, a used WiFi adapter and Festivus pole with Pacific Parrotlet feathers glued to the top to simulate a Christmas tree star or angel, a Tiger Woods golf ball, a cup of lead shot and sand that was layered like a candy cane along with a CD filled with what I can only describe as...elevator music. An Audioquest HDMI cable...it was a Forest, a copy of Al Gore's An Inconvenient Sequel, a box of Poly-fil with the words "thread jacker" written on the top flap of the box, a tube of Neosporin, a fully Dynamated professional looking (not hodgepodge) driver and PR, a broken front spoiler off a Boxter that looked like it had hit it's fair share of curbs and a pair of skinny jeans, a thinking monkey bobblehead, a Respect Blue Spaces flyer, a Fortress Edition crossover for a speaker I don't own. A picture of a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader wearing "The Joker" facial makeup, a structural pole from a basement, a pamphlet detailing the instructions on re-skinning a forum, a CD single of Diggin up Bones by Randy Travis, a SX780 with uneven wattage meters, a used oven with a bad heating element with dried contents of a fire extinguisher stuck to it.
Comments
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The gifts keep coming. Next a condolence card with feminine penmanship that says, "The rules are the rules". A copy of legend Jon Hardy’s first report, a set of DAK Colossus speakers, a list of miscellaneous deals of the day, a photo of an Ernie Wilkins Hard Mother Blues record with a hand written note that said, "listening to". An autographed photo of the actor Charles Dance with a grey-haired forum member. The forum member signed the photo, not the actor. A box of Ferez connectors and shrink tubing, a sheet of paper with the words "In with 35" written on it, a poster of a half naked model, a bag of pre-packaged smoked salmon, 1 travel brochure for the coastal region of Texas, a Rolex bezel and stethoscope. A pit bull collar and leash, a stuffed groundhog, a Remasters Collection Box Set of INXS and a Yes CD that sounds like Zeppelin, a K-SHE 95 St. Louis flag...because disco sucks, a one hundred and seven page thesis with a bunch of colored graphs and charts depicting the sonic differences in different types of machine screws used in audio components, a beer bottle with the words "Friday Night" written on it, a wreath of flowers with a heart in the center that was crushed during transport due to improper boxing practices. A tobacco pipe, a Niner Air 9 RDO mountain bike frame, a mustard yellow shirt and Scream 3 The Album on CD, a knife that had been stuck in an electrical outlet by a young boy, a refurbished faceplate off of a Kenwood KR-V6020, a "Crime: Nip it! Nip It In The Bud, I Am The Law" re-election poster for deputy sheriff, a woodworking router station, a Battlebot named Keanu, a J.A. Henckels knife set, a Hawaiian Lei, not to be confused with a Hawaiian lay...High-five! A shift knob off of a '91 F150 4.9 straight 6 manual with new clutch, a Dayton Castrucci front license plate frame off of a 2012 Dodge Challenger R/T with no moonroof, a Conrad Bain autograph, the ace of spades, a set of headphones small enough to fit a baby's head, a piece of Auralex Acoustics SonoFlat Acoustic Absorption Foam attached to a piece of Styrofoam, an emblem off of a Dodge Demon, a Wishbone Ash ticket, a Polk t-shirt that's stretched out from the owner being big and muscular, a round trip ticket to one of the finest audio gatherings known to man. And a box that says, "Please take one and distribute or give to a friend" full of business cards for Resume Creation & Consultation Services. Always the salesman.
The contents of Doc's letter that I did not fully understand said, in layman's terms, that all the members of the forum (including Cathy) got together, pitched in and ordered a headstone for my grave. The engraving reads as follows... "Fellow Polkie, you died the way you lived...alone, with a big "worm" in your pants and a love for audio. We did not know you, and can tell we would not like you. We bid you farewell. RIP"
This can be used as a beat sheet or outline which can be made into three movies. A trilogy as it's called. The Larry Rack Trilogy. Similar in style to Clint Eastwood's Dollars Trilogy. I do like cowboy boots, spaghetti and I am a hermit with no name!
Larry's Rack
Larry's Rack 2: Larry's Worm
Larry's Rack 3: Larry's Grave
The movie titles imply that Larry has a worm or that Larry dies, but that's not the case. This is called misdirection, it's done to take advantage of Larry's popularity. Notice the darker tone of the second movie of the trilogy. The darker tone of the second of three movies is now common practice and dates back to The Empire Strikes Back and Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom.
Two decades later, Hollywood tries to reboot the franchise with a movie called "The Builder, The Hermit and The Raiders Fan" (I defer to you to determine which is the good, the bad and the ugly). It's about three unlawful and nefarious audiophile bandits. One dies before his time and the other two seek out his unmarked grave. A chiming pocket watch will be laid on the ground near the guinea pig sketch as they fight to see who gets the treasure trove of items at my gravesite. Unfortunately, the movie was pulled from the theaters shortly after release due to a technical error during the end credits. They had listed the actor's name that played The Raiders Fan as David, when in fact, his name was Jose. There was also a pending lawsuit by a motor vehicle enthusiast know as a "motorhead' for being left out of the story, because the script writer didn't know about his involvement until after the script had been written.
picture by MSG Graffics, Inc. -
Wow, that was exhaustingly awesome, I think? Well said, I think? Welcome back!
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That was awesome, and very long... Glad you’re here...
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Ah Herm you shouldn't have. I would've settled for a cameo.
Welcome back pal. Perhaps in time all of us exiled Polkies will wander the wasteland of humanity like some lost tribe of sorts. Ever scheming how we can outnoodle the man with the finger on the button. Not with the intention of bringing about utter destruction of the forum, but on the contrary. To merely pal around with a menagerie of misfits who collectively form one heck of a forum.
Hear Hear, David!! -
The Lost Tribes of Polk...?
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Quite the wordsmth, Hermitism !
GLAD to see you back and percolating. Keep up the good work.
You're one of the people who helps class the joint up.
Yeah. One of THOSE people. Kind of makes some of us look back in comparison, now that I think about it.
But glad to see you back.
Sal Palooza -
Wow at a loss for words
Love ya brah
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Like wow man you blew my mind. One item that should of been on included on the treasure trove, and should of been included is the picture of one forum member passed out on the couch in a sitting position of the host of some Audio gathering with a cable or interconnect next to him sporting shorts a plaid shirt and a farmer's tan! I got dibs on the Wishbone Ash ticket stub.
Mind blowing welcome back.
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They were your tickets, just in case you didn't pick up on that.I got dibs on the Wishbone Ash ticket stub.
http://forum.polkaudio.com/discussion/178822/tomorrow-evening-wishbone-ash
I started out trying to include everyone, as I thought there were only about 30 active members, but it didn't take long going through threads to realize there were a lot more people than that, so I gave up. There are so many references that some members won't even know that they are the ones that left the gifts at my grave. I went way back in threads for some. Some may be in reference to their avatar or one they had months ago and changed it, some may be in reference to a single post they made. And there are some people that just won't figure them out, like "a Conrad Bain autograph" or "a copy of legend Jon Hardy’s first report" which I thought was brilliant.
Also I very badly wanted to pay tribute to a member that is not longer with us. I never had direct interaction with him, but he was loved by many here. My fear was that someone might have thought it was disrespectful which was the complete opposite of my intent, so I deleted that part. I was going to end the story after my burial with a glowing figure asking me to come to the light, it was later going to be revealed that is was George Grand of the Heaven Grands and he takes me under his wing (a literal wing). I was afraid my meaning would be misinterpreted.
Post edited by Hermitism on -
GG is surely missed that would of been an awesome tribute.
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Conrad Bain
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Btw, found myself in there. The details in this show quite a lot of effort... Dude, you went back to 2011 for that!!! Glad you're back.
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Here is how my brain works. Conrad Bain played Phillip Drummond in the sitcom Diff'rent Strokes, even though it is spelled differently, it's what I always think of when I see @dromunds No one would have ever figured that one out.mhardy6647 wrote: »Conrad Bain
BTW, you were the first person to leave something at my grave...a box of vintage 35mm camera film taped to a Patty Larkin CD and a hand written letter that I didn't fully understand because I didn't have a dictionary.
I really only understand about half of what you write.
It's why I was a day late to the party. I originally wrote something else, but the thread I was going to post it in had been closed, so I went with Plan B on short notice.mdaudioguy wrote: »show quite a lot of effort
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Herm....whatever it is you put in your coffee, I want some.
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You know, it's funny you say that because I do have a special coffee concoction I drink every morning. I think coffee is awesome, I love coffee, but coffee doesn't love me. I used to drink it black, but it became increasingly hard on my stomach. Five minutes after drinking it, I'd be in the bathroom sitting on the throne, and I'd be in there a fair amount of time which was interfering with my mornings. So I had to experiment with diluting my coffee, which is a forbidden sin to true coffee lovers. I take two cups of coffee, according to my coffee maker, which is a half a cup of coffee according to my mug, add a couple squirts of chocolate syrup and then fill the second half of the mug with Silk chocolate soymilk. It doesn't sound good on paper, but it tastes like a cappuccino style drink. Since I invented it, I got to name it. I call it a Herm-a-chino! Drinking it is my favorite part of the day...unfortunately.Herm....whatever it is you put in your coffee, I want some.
edit: you have to heat it back up to temperature in the microwave after adding the soymilk. Mmmm
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Phew!
Glad I didn't leave anything at the grave site!
I was getting worried, there.
I'm too cheap to part with anything!Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you! -
I liked the part about "A set of Wireworld interconnects and a refurbished Dayens Menuetto, no remote."
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You left a box of Poly-fil with the words "thread jacker" written on the top flap of the box.Phew!
Glad I didn't leave anything at the grave site!
I was getting worried, there.
I'm too cheap to part with anything!
I remembered a long post you made about Poly-fil which was a great post, and you got on me one time for thread jacking your thread years ago. -
You left a box of Poly-fil with the words "thread jacker" written on the top flap of the box.Phew!
Glad I didn't leave anything at the grave site!
I was getting worried, there.
I'm too cheap to part with anything! I remembered a long post you made about Poly-fil which was a great post, and you got on me one time for thread jacking your thread years ago.
Yea I didn't want to bust John's cheapskate bubble......
and yes that was a great post and very informative Poly-fil post from John. I learned a ton from it. -
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Wasn't mine.
If it was, somebody stole it.
Probably @mdaudioguy at one of the Polkfests. Now I know what he meant when wouldn't take any leftovers and said he was "stuffed".Expert Moron Extraordinaire
You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you! -
He was too cheap to pitch in for the universal remote.I liked the part about "A set of Wireworld interconnects and a refurbished Dayens Menuetto, no remote."
@DSkip
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Wasn't mine.
If it was, somebody stole it.
Probably @mdaudioguy at one of the Polkfests. Now I know what he meant when wouldn't take any leftovers and said he was "stuffed".
And just think... You caught John in a good mood here.
All right, man, next time I'll take the leftovers! Just don't shoot me in the face!Short shameful confession....I often imagine myself shooting thread jackers in the face.
Discuss your commercials elsewhere, ladies, unless you have something to confess. It's rather rude otherwise.
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To be fair, you should be getting up of your lazy **** to change the volume anyway.
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How did I not get mentioned in the story?
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Honestly, you were, but I removed it because I thought it was like rubbing salt into a wound....a bent VTI rack.How did I not get mentioned in the story? -
Possibly got bent from the weight of a humming McCormack?
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That just goes to show you there's no substitute for a Larry Rack!
