Married Guys: What is your honest opinion on marriage?

pbc74 · March 2004

I get different responses to this question depending on how well I know the person. ...so I hope I get somewhat honest reponses since this is the net.

If I ask one of my robotic corporate co-workers, they say something like: "Its great. It takes a lot of work, compromise, and commitment, but it is wonderful". If I ask them about some of the negative points of marriage such as the nagging, no variety, being stuck with the same person, etc. ....then they say: "You're just not ready yet".

If I ask a friend of mine who is married, then the tune changes. The tell me things like: "Oh man it sucks.".... "The first five years were o.k. but now I'm just going through the motions".... "Enjoy single life as long as you can. Marriage is one big trap. People want you to get married only because misery loves company" ..."You need a wife like you need a hole in head. Don't ruin your life"..."Once you've tagged your wife 500 times, you completely lose interest"....and on and on.

I happen to be 29 and single. The closest I came to marriage was living with my ex for a year....and it sucked. I was slowly becoming Al Bundy. ...or Hank Hill: My only solace was home theater and home theater accessories. Personally, I don't see how it enhances your life other than having a family.

What are your opinions on marriage? Are you TRULY happy or are you just going through the motions? Everyone likes having someone to come home to but is it REALLY that much better than being free to date whoever you want? ...or just being able to be by yourself and not be bothered for a while?

Rush Limbaugh · March 2004

What are your opinions on marriage? Are you TRULY happy or are you just going through the motions? Everyone likes having someone to come home to but is it REALLY that much better than being free to date whoever you want? ...or just being able to be by yourself and not be bothered for a while?

I'm not married, but plan on it soon. I think if you have strong morals and a good friendship with your significant other and you both talk about the future before you get married everything will be a-ok.

Communication is the #1 thing in relationships. Talking about different situations before you enter into them can be a very helpful tool.

Don't be disgruntled because people talk bad about marriage. If you don't feel trapped in your relationship and everything is going fine at the time nothing is going to suddenly change drastically because you're married. It's just nonsense.

IMO 50% of the point of being alive is to have a family if you are a well adjusted individual who is responsible enough to raise children. I couldn't imagine spending my life alone.

PolkWannabie · March 2004

What are your opinions on marriage?

- To use your phrase, you're not ready for it ...

Are you TRULY happy or are you just going through the motions?

- Yep, Truly happy, wouldn't change the situation

Everyone likes having someone to come home to but is it REALLY that much better than being free to date whoever you want?

- For me ? Definitely ... My opinion of dating ? IT SUCKS BIG TIME.

or just being able to be by yourself and not be bothered for a while?

- Be myself ? If you can't be yourself with your partner, you're in trouble. As the saying goes, leopards can't change their spots. The better you know the real person that is your partner and vice versa, the better. If you find or your significant other finds that the real person you are with is not someone you like very much that it's time to move on. Better to find out before the fact.

Ron-P · March 2004

I've known my wife for 17 years, been married for 12 of those. I would not change a thing. Put me in the "TRULY happy" catagory.

Peace Out~:D

HBombToo · March 2004

I'm on marriage # two and will say that there are zero comparisons between the 2.

I was married the first time at the age of 30 and it lasted a whole six months. After the first month I began asking myself the question how am I going to do this for the rest of my life?...bad sign... It was then I realized I made a huge mistake. The Love I thought I had for the woman did not exist and I began withdrawing and was very unhappy. Around month number 6, I had worked late and knowing she was off doing some high minded Law **** I stopped at the local watering hole for some wings and brews. I returned home about 9:30 pm or so and was surprised to find her car in the garage. When I walked in the third degree started and I told her the truth... wings and beer whats the fuss??? in which her retort was that she believed she made a mistake and we should not be married. With a smile my response was, "I'm glad you finally realize what I have been thinking since our honeymoon and BTW since your the Attorney extraordinare go ahead and get the paperwork started". Back to the bar I went and got the Evil Twin on. When I returned good and soaked:p she went into another manic episode in which my response was, "Tomorrow I leave for two weeks and when I get back whats left in the house is mine". I road tripped, saw some friends and family and had a very good time thinking of when my new life started how good it was going to be. When I returned home my house was empty with exception to my TV, Carver1090, Polks and cd player and some lawn furniture. ALL the ESSENTIALS!!!!:D

For the next six years I went nuts and had the time of my life. There was no way in hell I was going to make that mistake again;) until I ran back into my college sweet heart almost 10 years later. Our relationship and the care that we had felt from those many years past was quickly rekindled but this time with the maturity of living a learning, "especially on my end

I still can't believe it". Our marriage is the kind that nurtures friendship first and foremost and a Love that is unimaginable. Its not easy as times because we are two very different people and we disagree but with respect for each other thats coupled with a love that grows stronger by the day is what makes it work. I will tell you on the 26th of Feb was our 4 year anniversary and they have been the fastest 4 years of my entire life! What makes it even better is our child! and the excitment of HBombTwo is killen us both... were like children waiting for Santa

Its like being a child again... growing up again as a 3 year old has brought back memories that have long since faded. I guess all the beer I have drank has not burned up those neurons

So two totally different marriages with two totally different outcomes. I will continue to do the best I can in nurturing my relationship which is a lot of work but in the end I believe it will be well worth it and I can't at this time imagine my life any different.

HBomb

Jstas · March 2004

Not married yet but getting there this year, might as well be married already though.

Some things:

- Everybody fights. The important things are how you fight and how you make up. I'm not talking sex either. If you fight dirty, you will say and do things you will regret, it only serves to heighten anger and emotions anyway and things can go too far. If you do fight and you make up, you have to come to an understanding about each other's position. Everybody's feelings get hurt from time to time. The only thing you can do is not do it intentionally. Just remember that youre wife/girlfriend is a person too, not a slave or a replacement for your mother. Same thing goes for women, your husband/boyfriend is a person too, not a slave or a replacement for a father or brother.

- Every woman nags. They do it because they know it gets to you and if that is the only way you do stuff you don't want to do for them then that is how it will be. Simple solution, don't respond to nagging and it will stop because it doesn't get them results. Nagging = training. They will find the thing that gets you motivated the best and stick with it. The longer they get a positive response, the longer they do it. Even if thier attitude and method behind getting what they want is damaging to the relationship.

- Life is what you make it. If you choose to be happy and share your life with your significant other then you will have less problems then if you try and run your life as two seperate people. Marriage is more than a financial contract between two people. It is supposed to be joining two lives as one. If you try and keep it seperate it won't work. You are a team in a marriage and you have to play the game of life that way.

- Sex is not all there is to life. There is more to your partner than what is between thier legs. Stop looking at it as the last woman or man your will ever sleep with because that is a surefire way to doom yourself to misery. See it as the chance to spend the rest of your life sleeping with the woman or man you love. If you can't see it that way, then you should be re-evaluating your choice and whether or not it is the correct one.

- Don't be too serious, don't be cheap. Certainly don't spend and live beyond your means but don't sit at home every Friday watching Letterman because you "don't have the cash" for a date. A couple hours in a bar getting a drink or two, an evening out bowling or at the movies or even at a racetrack watching the races will cost less than 100 bucks for the two of you. Get up and go out and keep that fun alive. Otherwise, it gets mundane and you get "Al Bundified".

Again, life is what you make it. If you make it miserable through negative thinking, lack of communication, monotony and lethargy then you will end up miserable, angry and resentful. You have a chance to not only live your life but share your life with someone else and share in thier life too. On top of that, you have the chance to bring more lives into this world and share in them too. So if you are going to look at it in a negative view then you are only going to see the negatives behind it. Marriage isn't easy and the people who **** the most put the least amount of work into maintaining thier relationships.

jdhdiggs · March 2004

I've only been hitched for two years, but I've been with the same lass for six... Here's my advice: Marriage will not fix any problems with your relationships, and you shouldn't doubt being with her. If you have doubts, don't do it. It's cool to be nervous and talk about it, but if you really have doubts, don't go through it.

Also, make sure she's your best friend. After the lust, passion, and newness has faded a bit and your stuck in a house with someone, wouldn't you want it to be your best buddy?

I'm fortunate that my wife is very trusting and supportive (although she knocks all this HT and audio stuff) so that is cool.

Definately put me in the "Extremely Happy" catagory.

Plus, two incomes is really nice, even if only for a bit...

Oh, and advantages: Being a distgusting guy at times is a good reason to break up, but not to get a divorce!

(Admit it, we all do stuff in front of the wife you;d never do with a girlfriend...)

steveinaz · March 2004

My first marriage, 14 yrs...SUCKED. My second marriage (Apr 2 this year) will be great. We've been friends for years, so there are no surprises this time. She's one in a million, afterall, she did buy me my CEC CD Player for Christmas--how cool is that?

dragon1952 · March 2004

That's like asking someone their opinion of a certain piece of audio gear.....you're gonna get a million answers!

dorokusai · March 2004

I love my wife, but there is no way in hell I would get married again.

therockman · March 2004

I have been married to the same wonderful, beautiful woman for over 25 years, and I love it. The key is finding a woman that likes the same things as you, (a beer drinking, rock & roll loving bi-sexual).

pbc74 · March 2004

Just to clear things up-
I'm really not trying to trash the idea of marriage even though I come off that way. Anything negative that I have said is just my personal experience. I'm just interested in hearing other peoples perspectives on this. Thanks for all the responses.

PolkWannabie · March 2004

It's like anything else ... it's as good or bad as you make it ... it can be wonderful or horrible ... it's best that ones partner is also ones best friend and that the couple are open an honest with each other so that each knows what they're getting and to at least some extent what to expect.

danger boy · March 2004

I would say for any relationship.. you really should live with that person for a year or two. If after that time you find that you can get along and make it work out. Then I feel it would be ok to get married.

I think some people rush into marriage before they've had the time to really get to know the other person. Marriage isn't for everyone. Single life itsn't for everyone either. I find that some people get married just because it's the "right" thing to do. or it's the "right" time do get married. Without really thinking long and hard if this is the right person for them.. and they want to live the rest of their lives with said person.

I'm not anti marriage at all. Don't get me wrong. I just keep hearing about folks getting married. then a few years down the road.. getting divorced. Or worse yet.. cheating on their spouses.

Like someone said eariler. Finding someone with very similar interestes are you.. is very important.

reeltrouble1 · March 2004

My life would have been so empty without her:

My Best Friend-My Wife

Would you slip I would stoop to catch you.........
Would you cry I would take the drop from you........
Would you step I would feel the earth quiver from you.......
Would you laugh I would drink in the sound of you.......
Would you hurt I would hold the pain for you........
Would you touch I would shake from the softness of you......

For you always for you............

So play your own chords that fit the words but as Jack Palance told Billy Crystal " You have to figure that one thing out for yourself"

This one has helped me a couple of times when I was in a pinch:

Your right I was wrong
I apologize
It was all my fault

:cool:

:rolleyes:

dragon1952 · March 2004

Oooh! You southern boys are so romantic!;)

warviper · March 2004

I got married young. To me the point in marriage is not the act it self it is about the family you create and the kids that you leave behind. Through them you get a chance to extend your life by instilling your morals and beliefs. Hopefully through them you can fix your mistakes and improve upon the successes that you had.

"What we do in life echoes in eternity"

Through the family is the only way to extend what you have accomplished after your death.

It is a lot of work and a lot of the things you do will not be fun at the time but I feel that if you do it right then one day you will look back and realize that it was all worth it.

haroo · March 2004

'till death do us part!!!

TheMaster · March 2004

..is a life time adjustments. There are always new things (good or not so good) that a maried couple have to deal with together.

You are in a team now, don't be shy to show your weaknesses to your wife/husband. You do not have to be the designated driver of this marriage, hand her over the steering wheel once in a while and take a rest

Lastly, there is a say that "in every man's success, there is a woman behind it". Spend more time with the wife than with the work ( better to have a simple goal in life to start with and have a happy home to come home to, than to an overwhelming goal but a dis organized family.

Glenn

RuSsMaN · March 2004

What is this, Oprah?

gidrah · March 2004

Originally posted by haroo
'till death do us part!!!

I couldn't agree more. And if the **** don't pick it up a notch, it may be sooner than she expects.

smglbrth · March 2004

Married men live longer than single men but pray for death more.

The woman goes into marriage thinking he will change, and he doesn't. The man goes into the marriage thinking she won't change, and she does.

These are just some funny sayings I have heard over time. I've been married for 10 1/2 years now. We have four kids, two used cars, a mortage, and a REALLY nice 2 channel rig (now she has an appreciation for fine audio). In short, it's the American dream of yesterday. I'm still the only one who works, she stays at home with the kids (good thing too, I couldn't do it). What's not to love?

Yes, I think of the "what if" scenarios from time to time. But..., I wouldn't change a thing. There is a woman who is devoted to me, only, and 2 boys and 2 girls who look up to me like I'm Superman. For me, it just doesn't get any greener, even on the other side.

Marriage if full of compromises. It depends on what it's based on. I.E. - If it's based on good sex, then it'll be good until the sex becomes boring, on and on like that. If it's based on friendship and respect (love is a decision remember, not a feeling), that will make a world of difference.

HBombToo · March 2004

Originally posted by RuSsMaN
What is this, Oprah?

more like sally.......:p

Frank Z · March 2004

Originally posted by HBombToo
more like sally.......:p

I'd say it's more like The Jerry Springer Show around here sometimes!;)

shack · March 2004

Originally posted by Frank Z
I'd say it's more like The Jerry Springer Show around here sometimes!;)

Who the **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP** do you think you are you sorry **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP**? If you think this is like Jerry's **BEEP** show. I auta whip your **BEEP** **BEEP** fat **BEEP** **BEEP**! And if I catch you **BEEP** **BEEP** around my **BEEP** **BEEP** sister when she auta be watchin our kid I'm gonna **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP** yo mama!

Shizelbs · March 2004

Originally posted by shack
Who the **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP** do you think you are you sorry **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP**? If you think this is like Jerry's **BEEP** show. I auta whip your **BEEP** **BEEP** fat **BEEP** **BEEP**! And if I catch you **BEEP** **BEEP** around my **BEEP** **BEEP** sister when she auta be watchin our kid I'm gonna **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP** yo mama!

I can't wait to get married now!

shack · March 2004

Originally posted by Shizelbs
I can't wait to get married now!

Married? When was the last time you actually heard of anyone on Springer that was married (unless of course one or both of the married couple were bisexual shemales unbeknownst to the other partner)

Dennis Gardner · March 2004

With all of the ****/**** marriage ceremonies being performed this past couple of weeks, if you're single and looking to get married, the effective pool of available participants just doubled in the past month!

:rolleyes:

DG

danger boy · March 2004

Originally posted by Dennis Gardner
With all of the ****/**** marriage ceremonies being performed this past couple of weeks, if you're single and looking to get married, the effective pool of available participants just doubled in the past month!

:rolleyes:

DG

:eek:

jmasterj · March 2004

pcb74,

Welcome to the forum, thanks for the good post. I always like a fresh topic they get club members involved, and never is club polk more effective than when our members chime in. You did not direct this question to me, because you asked married members for an openion. However, one or two divorced, and or seporated members might just add something .

Therefore my offering: Marriage is a wonderful institution. With the right person/mate your life should /could be complete. I was married but it just didn't work out right. I would marry again under the right circumstances. Bottom line is it's what you two make it. If you're both are not willing to give everything. Polker players say "I'm all In". If you both are not" all in", it wont work! But if You and Her are "all in", It can't fail!

You go through the changes, and there will be changes. You forget, and forgive, and you both move on. And you earn the right to someday look back together.

Your friend is right it takes a lot of work! If you and her are not fully committed then I suggest you wait . Thats all I got. Good Luck!

Frank Z · March 2004

Have you ever built anything? Something from scratch? A piece of furniture, a Hot Rod, a house, a boat? After you've worked your fingers to the bone and you stand back and look at your handy work you'll have one of the following thoughts.

A) Geeze that looks like ****!! Why did I cut corners and use the cheapest materials and fumble through this. What a mess!!
or

Now that turned out better than I could have ever imagined! I love it when a plan comes together, even though it was a real bear at times...BEAUTIFUL!!!

Marriage is kinda like that.

FWIW, I'm all about option B.

Married Guys: What is your honest opinion on marriage?

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