Toughest day in a long time....

shawn474

Sorry to vent but feel like I need to.......Zoe is our 16 year old Jack Russell Terrier. My wife and I got her a month after we married and she has been through a lot with us. Through it all, she has been the sweetest and most loving dog. Our two kids (10 and 6) absolutely adore her. She sleeps in our ten year olds bed. Every night, Morgan gives Zoe a hug and a kiss and says, "I love you Zoe girl and I will always love you until the end of time." Well, over the course of the past 6 months but especially over the last 3-4 weeks, Zoe has been displaying signs of serious dementia. She no longer hears and has bad cataracts in both eyes. She has been falling a lot, bumping into walls constantly and cannot sleep due to her restlessness. She gets lost in the house (a very small house) and in the yard to the point where she has gotten stuck under the deck and couldn't get out. My wife and I took her to the vet this morning and had a general check up just to see if there was anything else going on. She is the picture of health other than her dementia. It has progressed rapidly and offers little in the way of quality of life for her. So we have decided to euthanize Zoe at our home next Wednesday morning and have her ashes buried in our back yard. It was a tremendously difficult decision and we have NO IDEA how to break it to the kids. Both of them are very sensitive and compassionate kids, but don't know how to explain this to them. Zoe has given us 16 years of unconditional love; I only hope that she felt that same love reciprocated to the best dog mankind has ever known. I understand this is the cycle of life, but I am an emotional wreck. I only hope i can hold it together until Wednesday. Thanks for listening......

chumlie

Sorry about your loss, Truth works best for the kids IMO.

jflail2

Damn man, sorry to hear that. It makes me sad just thinking about it. We had a cocker spaniel when I was a kid, and she ended up living for 17 years, until we finally had to put her to sleep b/c of health issues. It seems like the longer you have them, the more painful the "end" is.

Judging from the emotion of your post, I'd wager my house that you've given her as good a life as a dog can have. While we can't stop the "cycle of life", we can give those that we love the best life possible while they're here through unconditional love. That includes our animal family members as well, and it sounds to me as if you have done so and then some.

The pain will be with you for a while, but you'll always have the memories of what a good companion she was to your family for all of those years. It's a terrible decision to have to make, but it's good you're putting her well-being first. Keep you head up man; sounds like you're just doing what's best for her.

polkfarmboy

Some people just cant imagine how hard a thing like this is as its no different that having to put down your own grandma.

That was a joke to make shawn smile guys! I thought I was having to put my cat down last year and it was really f'd up and I would look at her and wana cry as I thought her end was here. I know exactly what your feeling Shawn and wish I had words but I dont but I wish strength upon you to get through it.

tonyb

Sorry to hear pal, dogs are certainly more than a simple pet. They weave themselves into your family structure with love, loyalty, and become a pack member....a family member. May she rest in peace, and may you never forget the joy she has brought to you and your family.

Dennis Gardner

I would break the news to the kids this evening so they have time to process over the weekend. This would give all of you time to talk it over.

Prayers sent your way as you deal with this.......DG

voltz

Hate to hear that, I glad you got to know such a awesome dog/friend as Zoe. the really great ones are rare! but it sure can hurt when they leave us. all the best!

jtgranby

Shawn

If you need to talk give me a call. Sorry to hear this news. Moose my flat coat is my best friend.

Jim

ken brydson

Sorry to hear. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things EVER! Whenever I hear a story like this I always think they are in puppy heaven playing with my Shadow.....

nooshinjohn

Now would be a great time to teach the kids about how to mourn, and how to keep the memories of their loved ones. Perhaps make some videos or take pictures of these next days playing with and doing those things the dog loved... make the final moments special.

Then, if the time is right for your family, find a new breed to give some love to and welcome home a new member of the family on Christmas morning, preferably a puppy, and teach the little ones that life must always go forward.

I will pray for the girls, and that this becomes something more for them than just tears, but rather sweet memories as well.

nooshinjohn

polkfarmboy wrote: »

Some people just cant imagine how hard a thing like this is as its no different that having to put down your own grandma.

That was a joke to make shawn smile guys! I thought I was having to put my cat down last year and it was really f'd up and I would look at her and wana cry as I thought her end was here. I know exactly what your feeling Shawn and wish I had words but I dont but I wish strength upon you to get through it.

Sorry pal but NOTHING about death is a joke, or something to smile about.

cfrizz

I'm sorry for your up coming loss Shawn, it is hard doing this but you gave her the best life possible, now it is time to exercise compassion and give her a gentle passing.

You and your family will always have your memories of her. Just tell the kids that it is your duty not to let her suffer after her giving you years of unconditional love.

shawn474

Thanks for all the words; they surely do help. We have been blessed to have Zoe for 16 years of our lives and she made our family a better family. She's always the one nuzzled up against the kids when they are home sick from school, she is the one nuzzled up against Jen and I when the kids go to sleep and we are on the couch, and yes for the last 16 years she has shared our bed becoming the best snuggle buddy ever to Jen (they keep each other warm). I know it is the right decision and we talked briefly about letting the kids have the choice to be there when it is time. We have decided against that but are going to talk to them tomorrow about everything that is going on and the decision to move forward. We have been fortunate in that we rescued a Jack Russell mix two years ago realizing that Zoe would be better off with a companion for awhile. Beans is her best friend and has been by her side resting his head on hers every chance he gets. Zoe, being the crotchety old girl that she is, never paid him much attention but Beans loves being around her anyway. This is how they spend the majority of their days.



As sad as we are, we have spent a few hours today gathering up 16 years worth of photos and videos reminiscing about all the good times we shared. We could probably do that every hour for the next year and still not cover the amount of joy that she brought to our lives.

txcoastal1

Sorry about the news but I do like Johns idea about a new Holiday pet, may help the kids, family, and Beans too.

gudnoyez

Bummer sorry to here about your Zoe we have had to put a few dogs down its not easy but come Wednesday you will be doing the right thing no reason to prolong the suffering. We had our last two Cockers, Charlie and Madison put down we had them cremated and got some pretty nice urns with their pictures beside them. I suggest you think about that there is not a day that goes by that me the wife are not reminded of them.

I bet you will get another one as time passes, we have currently 6 other dogs a few are rescue dogs. Yeah we are dog people they have a nice fenced in yard nice Kennels outside, and lots of love. Good Luck!

PSOVLSK

Tough indeed. My dad had to take the family dog to be put down when I was around 14 years old. One of the few times I ever saw him cry.

I on the other hand procrastinated in having our dog put down several years ago partially because I knew it would be hard. He was suffering very similar symptoms to what you describe so we kept him around because we didn't want to lose him. I won't share the details, but my dog's eventual fate was worse on all of us than if we would have had him put down. I not only had to miss my pet, I had the guilt of knowing I caused a far worse end than if I had taken him to be put down.

Point of my story is that you are doing the right thing. It's hard, but it's the best for everyone involved.

I'll also add that I like John's idea.

Mystery

That's really tough.
Hope everything goes smoothly.
That's one of the main reasons why I don't/can't have a dog after my favorite one died 15 years ago.

drumminman

Shawn, I feel for you and your family. It's a terrible (and personal) decision to have to make, especially with kids who have such affection for Zoe.

Have you thought about not putting her down? From your description she's fine physically, it's her mental state that is deteriorating. Some of the things I think about with aging pets, the of their quality of life and the consideration of euthanasia is do they still have things that they enjoy, get excited about: seeing their people, having a meal, being given treats, a favorite toy.

If pets are doing nothing but soiling themselves, or are in pain the decision to put them down seems more straightforward to me. But if they're growing old, but with normal aging characteristics, perhaps it's better to let them be. Could be a great learning experience for the kids on how to care for a being who is less than they used to be, but still has something to offer.

Not judging here, only giving you another perspective. Good luck.

shawn474

Again i appreciate the kind words and suggestions. Trust me when i tell you that we have discussed the option of euthanasia vs keeping her with her current quality of life. I have even entertained the thought of bringing her to work with me every day. It is time - she cant control her bowels, she gets lost in the house and yard, is startled by people petting her because she cannot see or hear and paces in circles for literally hours at a time. She has restless sleep where she falls off the bed and bumps into walls, she falls down the steps which i am afraid may hurt her badly. We block off the stairs when we leave the house and let her roam but lately has been getting caught under the coffee table or we get home and she is staring in a corner shaking and crying. Its a decision we wished we never had to make and the fact that the vet gave her an otherwise clean bill of health makes it so much harder. It would have been so much easier to make this decision if she had a tumor or failing kidneys or something else (not easier to take obviously but easier to make the decision). The only time she seems content is when she is actually sleeping. We discussed it in terms of us being that old and having the quality of life. I would not want to be hanging on with that level of dementia and discomfort not knowing your surroundings, being blind and deaf and having things that used to be so familiar becoming foreign to you just for the sake of our "selfishness" (probably not a good word to use but the only one i could think of in explaining how we felt by keeping her alive). Like i said we have been so blessed to have her for the past 16 years and been able to enjoy so many good times with her (she has been on every christmas card we have sent since our marriage). I just want us to reiterate to her how much we love her, how much we will miss her, how i hope she understands and accepts our decision (as much as a dog can) and how we will never forget the joy she brought to our lives. Some people think i may be crazy to talk like this and equate a dog with these types of feelings and emotions but trust me when i say she has proven over her lifetime that she understands more than i ever thought possible. My wife is and will be devastated but we will all hopefully rest well once this is over knowing it was the right decision at the right time for the right reasons.

exalted512

Sorry to hear Shawn. Our dogs are getting older (9 years old) and one of them is starting to get cataracts and is losing his hearing. 16 years is a long time, I hope both of ours make it that long. I'll be praying for your family, Zoe included.
-Cody

George Grand

Hang tough, good luck on Wednesday. It's a good decision from my perspective.

gudnoyez

Here is a picture of the urns yep they still greet us daily. Hang in there.

gudnoyez

you get a good shot of Charlie in the first picture his Urn has a frame to place his picture in in this shot Madisons Urn is breed specific I just moved her picture over to see it better. Some people think its creepy to have your dogs ashes me and the wife don't think so.

scubalab

Shawn,

So sorry for you and your family. It is an extremely tough decision. Many who have never had a dog do not understand how much of a part of our lives they become.

We are facing a similar decision (I fear) in the not-so-distant future. Our dog, Scuba, is a nearly 14-year old black lab. He's perfectly healthy except for his hearing and his deteriorating back legs. No dysplasia, but bone loss and muscle deterioration. Vet says he's in some pain, but not bad. Meds are helping a bit, but we don't want him to get to a point where he is suffering. My daughters have known him their entire lives. We've begun discussing that we may have to make that tough decision soon, and tell them to enjoy as much time with him as they can.

I hope your GREAT memories help you through this tough time.

We're thinking and praying for you and your family!

Msabot1

Yea..losing a pet that is a family member is no picnic..downright heartbreaking...my
Blue Russian cat Mr Gray died in my arms after a bout of feline leukemia....I watched the light in his eyes die..and he took part of me with him...but,I will never forget him...and you will never forget Zoe...that is her legacy to you...that she had a special place in your life....and you will cherish those memories....

pumpkinman

So so sorry. I know how you feel we lost our 9 year old black lab Shadow to cancer on Aug. 10th.
It's the worst

P-man

ken brydson

pumpkinman wrote: »

So so sorry. I know how you feel we lost our 9 year old black lab Shadow to cancer on Aug. 10th.
It's the worst

P-man

That just put a lump in my throat. My Sheppard lab mix was named Shadow as well. My current dog Abby is her reincarnation.

drumminman

I feel for you - my only suggestion is to be there with her when she leaves this world. My dogs are 12 (jack Russell) 7 1/2 and 6, so I may be faced with a similar situation in the not too distant future. How lucky you are to have had all this time with her.

shawn474

So have had a few sleepless nights since we made the decision and a lot of tears between the wife and I. We have come to accept that this is the right decision and one that we would want made if we could switch places with Zoe. There is just an incredible amount of sadness that we feel - I cant even open my mouth today and speak without wanting to cry even if what I am talking about has nothing to do with this. Both of us are glad that we waited until Wednesday (my work schedule only allowed that day for me to be there) but it almost would have been easier to do it earlier. The anticipation and sense of dread that I feel waiting for Wednesday is consuming me but I am glad to have the few days to appreciate Zoe in a way that is fitting for her. I am NOT a religious person (more "spiritual" I guess), but we have been absolutely blessed to have this dog in our lives for the past 16 years. The sadness is related to us just missing her unconditional love every day and what joy she brought to our kids, but we know that her quality of life right now isn't something that should be superseded by a selfish decision. Thanks again for all the kind words and suggestions...........it really does help to hear them and to get some of my emotions vented. Explaining it to the kids is going to be a parental challenge, but ultimately I hope that this is something we can all gain strength from, communicate openly about and use as a teaching tool that they can express and discuss their emotions with us without fear of judgement or anything else. I then hope that that communication can continue indefinitely about all subjects. We have tried to foster that environment in our house for a long time as that isn't something either one of us had in our households growing up. This will be one of the first tests to see if we have succeeded.....

shawn474

We said good bye to Zoe this morning at 930 am. It was very peaceful, but the absolute hardest thing My wife and I have done in our 40 years on this planet. Between this morning and explaining it to the kids when they got home from school, it was an absolutely draining day. People who say, "it's just a dog (or any other animal)....." have no idea what unconditional love is in my opinion. We are going to support each other the best way we can and be appreciative for the 16 years that Zoe gave us. If there is a heaven she is most certainly there probably trying to stick her tongue up someone's nose seemingly trying to lick their brains!!!!! The grief and pain we feel will hopefully get easier with time, but it sure does feel overwhelming right now. Today is the ONLY drawback to owning a pet in my opinion - but None of us would trade one day in the last 16 years that we shared together to do anything else. We are all heartbroken but so appreciative of what Zoe brought to our lives. We have her buried on our property and will be planting a tree this spring in memorial to her. Rest in peace little Zoe.

ken brydson

I have no comment for anyone who says it's "just a dog". Positive thoughts sent your way brother. I know how tough it is...