BEST Joke of the Day

dragon1952
dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
edited February 2024 in Clubhouse Archives
A man was driving on the freeway one day when he noticed a pig wandering in the traffic lanes.
Feeling sorry for the pig the man stops, rescues the pig from certain death and places the pig in the passenger seat of his car.
He resumes driving wondering what the hell he was going to do with a pig when he notices a police car behind him with it's lights flashing.
He pulls over and the officer says "I couldn't help noticing you driving around with a pig in your car. What's the deal?"
So the guy explains the situation and then says "What do you think I should do with it Officer?" And the Officer says "Well, why don't you take him to the zoo?"
The guy says "Hey, that's an excellent idea! That's exactly what I'll do!"

Well the next day the policeman's driving along when he notices the same guy driving with the pig still in the car. So he pulls the guy over and says "Hey....I thought you were going to take the pig to the zoo?"
And the guy says "Well I did officer, and we had such a great time at the zoo, today we're going to the movies!"
2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
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Comments

  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,623
    edited January 2004
    Boooo........ (sorry) ;)
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,986
    edited January 2004
    BOOOOOOOO is right.

    That's HORRIBLE.
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • dan t
    dan t Posts: 206
    edited January 2004
    I'm laughing my **** off reading the reponses to that joke.
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  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
    edited January 2004
    Ahhh Comeon allready!
    That is a GREAT joke and funnier than hell!
    You guys have absolutely no sense of humor:mad:
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,623
    edited January 2004
    I dunno about Russ, but I know I'm older than 5.......:D
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
    edited January 2004
    OK....how about this one.

    A guy working in the produce department was approached by this huge Samoan guy who says "I'd like to buy a half a head of lettuce".
    The grocery clery says "I'm sorry sir, we don't sell halfs of heads of lettuce. You'll have to buy a whole one".
    The Samoan gets quite angry and insists he wants just a half a head.
    So the grocery clerk says "Just a minute sir, let me check with the owner."
    He walks to the managers office unaware of the Samoan following right behind, and says to the owner, "Sir , there is an absolute moron out there who insists on buying just a half a head of lettuce."
    The owner is winking and nodding behind the clerk trying to warn him of the Samoan's presence.
    The clerk says , "I tell ya', this guy is a total idiot".
    The owner finally gets the clerks attention who turns to see the Samoan standing behind him and thinking quickly says, "Yes, and the great thing about it is sir, is that this fine gentleman has kindly agreed to buy the other half!"
    After the Samoan leaves, the manager says, "Hey, that was very quick thinking there. You may have management potential."
    "Tell you what.....I'm thinking of opening a new store in Minnesota. How would you like to be my new manager?"
    The clerk replies "Minnesota!?!.....there's nothing in Minnesota but whores and football players!"
    The owner turns red and says, "Hey!,......my wife happens to be from Minnesota!"
    The quick thinking clerk replies "No kidding!? What position does she play?"
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
    edited January 2004
    I'm laughing my **** off reading the reponses to that joke.

    What's so funny about "Boooooooo"?
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
    edited January 2004
    I'm laughing my **** off reading the reponses to that joke.


    You think my joke sucks, but "Boooooo" is funny!?!?!

    Hmmmmm :confused:
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,623
    edited January 2004
    BOOOOOOOO x2..........you gonna go for a third? :p
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
    edited January 2004
    I guess you have to have an IQ over 100 to understand my fine quality of humor!:cool:
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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  • dan t
    dan t Posts: 206
    edited January 2004
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  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
    edited January 2004
    Actually it was Russ's comments that made me laugh out loud.

    Uh...yeah, I think I caught that the first time, hence my comment "What's so funny about 'Boooooo''

    I mean if the guys came up with some classic, hilarious response then I could show my good sense of humor by laughing along. But 'Booooo?' For some reason that's just not funny. It's just a short, one-word statement expressing dismay over the joke, but it, in itself, is not necessarily funny, nor, I think, did Russ intend it to be hilarious.....maybe somewhat humerous, but if you ROTFL at ' Booooooo', and don't think the joke is funny, then that explains it all to me! :)
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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  • dan t
    dan t Posts: 206
    edited January 2004
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  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,907
    edited January 2004
    It just means that I am on a higher 'humor plane' than the other participants.....that's all. Maybe some day they will ascend to these heights and then recall the joke and laugh histarically. Then we'll see who was right! :cool:
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
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  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,623
    edited January 2004
    Really this should have ended with the Boooo's.

    I get the initial post. It's not a joke....there's no real PUNCHline. It's minimaly comical (perhaps if you're 5), but it's nothing that humored me. This isn't funny, and the more I think about it, I want my time back that you've drained from my life source........
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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  • Frank Z
    Frank Z Posts: 5,860
    edited January 2004
    How can you tell if a woman is ticklish?

    Give her a Test Tickle!

    Get it?!? A TEST TICKLE!

    Say it fast.....TESTTICKLE!!!!

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I Slay ME!!:D
    9/11 - WE WILL NEVER FORGET!! (<---<<click)
    2005-06 Club Polk Football Pool Champion!! :D
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  • shepx2
    shepx2 Posts: 646
    edited January 2004
    I retract my reply from the other post.

    THIS is the worst joke I have heard.

    Ever.
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  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,623
    edited January 2004
    Originally posted by Frank Z
    How can you tell if a woman is ticklish?

    Give her a Test Tickle!

    Get it?!? A TEST TICKLE!

    Say it fast.....TESTTICKLE!!!!

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I Slay ME!!:D
    Ya know Frank.....and I don't wanna judge you, but.....um......if you're "tickling" your wife, you might seek medical assistance.....;)
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
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