Stupid Joke of the Day
deronb1
Posts: 5,021
Two muffins were baking in the oven. The one muffin looks over at the other one and says, "Man! it's hot in here", and the other muffin says, "Aaaaaaa! A talking muffin!"
Post edited by deronb1 on
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So a horse walks in a bar and asks for whiskey, the bartender asks, "why the long face"?Testing
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Two clowns walk in a bar and attack another (rival) clown, they start eating the other clown.
The first clown takes a bite and asks the other clown "this taste funny to you"?:cheesygrin:Testing
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So a horse walks in a bar and asks for whiskey, the bartender asks, "why the long face"?
love it. I'm a sucker for stupid jokes. Probably why I like to follow politics :cheesygrin: -
I lost the trivia contest at the church social last week by one point and was totally embarrassed.
The last question was: "Where do most women have curly hair ?".........so I shouted out my answer.
Apparently the correct answer is: Africa.
I'm currently looking for a new Church to join.
(I am not the author, John !
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Nope...this one either, John.
. As men age, we tend to end up seeing more and more of the medical establishment.
For example, my family doctor recently referred me to a female urologist.
I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous.
She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.
She told me that I must stop masturbating.
I asked her why, and she said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you...'
..
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So a horse walks in a bar and asks for whiskey, the bartender asks, "why the long face"?
Just then, a bear walks in and plops down on the stool next to the horse. Bartender asks, "What'll ya have?" The bear just sits....and slowly gazes across the bar, from the bartender to the taps...and again, with a soft sigh, from the bartender to the taps....and he finally replies, "Give me a Budweiser". The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
Just as the bear was being served his beer, a giraffe comes dancing in, full of excitement....he'd just gotten a big raise with a nice promotion....and says, "High balls are on me!!!"
:cheesygrin: :eek: -
The title of this thread sure is spot on!!!!! smiley_rotflmao.gifIf you can't hear a difference, don't waste your money.
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what do you get when a nun falls into a mudhole????
........a nasty habit
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A police officer visited a school to talk to teenagers about the dangers of drinking alcohol. The officer set up a demonstration with one glass of water and one glass of vodka. He drops the worm in the water and the worm wiggles around. He then takes the worm out of the water and drops it in the vodka; the worm died.
The officer asks the class “what did we learn today from this demonstration?” One student replies “If you drink vodka, you won’t get worms.” -
Jamaican Fireman Joke
A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife ?€œY'know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station...
Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets!
Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole!
Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go!
From now on, when I says 'Bell One' me want you to strip naked.
When I says Bell Two', you jump on de bed.
When I says 'Bell Tree', we's gonna mek love all tru de night."
The next night he came home and shouted
'Bell One' and she stripped naked.
'Bell Two' and she jumped on the bed.
'Bell Tree', and they started to make love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out "Bell Four".
"An what de hell is 'Bell Four'?", the fireman yelled.
She replied "Roll out more hose, man, roll out more hose. You aint nowhere near de fire." -
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
lipstick:cheesygrin::cheesygrin: -
So, the Past, the Present and the Future Walk into a bar.
It was tense."Science is suppose to explain observations not dismiss them as impossible" - Norm on AA; 2.3TL's w/sonicaps/mills/jantzen inductors, Gimpod's boards, Lg Solen SDA inductors, RD-0198's, MW's dynamatted, Armaflex speaker gaskets, H-nuts, brass spikes, Cardas CCGR BP's, upgraded IC Cable, Black Hole Damping Sheet strips, interior of cabinets sealed with Loctite Power Grab, AI-1 interface with 1000VA A-L transformer -
I saw a fish get busted in a bar once.
Possession of seaweed.Testing
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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper. "Where were you last night"
Son says, "I was at the library."
The robot slaps son.
"OK I was at a friend's house."
"Doing what?" asked the father.
"Watching a movie; Toy Story."
Robot slaps son. "OK, it was ****!" cried the son.
Father yells, "What? When I was your age I didn't know what **** was."
The robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says "He certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother. -
Too funny!
Why is PMS called PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken! RIMSHOT! -
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper. "Where were you last night"
Son says, "I was at the library."
The robot slaps son.
"OK I was at a friend's house."
"Doing what?" asked the father.
"Watching a movie; Toy Story."
Robot slaps son. "OK, it was ****!" cried the son.
Father yells, "What? When I was your age I didn't know what **** was."
The robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says "He certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Now that's funny!!!!If you can't hear a difference, don't waste your money. -
Ok,
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin you already told her twice....
Sorry if that offends anyone, it is just a joke. -
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the cheeky little beggar. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bum, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first ! -
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.2-channelBelles 22A Pre, Emotiva XPA-2 Gen 2, Marantz SA8005, Pro-Ject RPM-10 Turntable, Pro-Ject Phono Box DS3B, Polk Audio Legend L800's, AudioQuest Cable throughout.
