Something to offend everybody one way or another
starkiller
Posts: 2,723
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road??
>
>
> Why did the chicken cross the road?
>
> SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's
> a maverick!
>
> BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for
> change! The chicken wanted change!
>
> JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
> recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
> chickens on the other side of the road.
>
> HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that
> little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
> qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this
> country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this
> really isn't about me.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
> road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road,
> or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
> middle ground here.
>
> DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
> COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
> satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
>
> BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
>
> AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
> JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
> now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
> the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against
> it.
>
> AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
>
> DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
> that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road
> before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What
> we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking
> on his current problems before adding new problems.
>
> OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
> is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
> chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
> life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just
> drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
> chickens.
>
> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
> but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of
> the road.
>
> NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You
> can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
> was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my
> eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me
> any insider information.
>
> DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
> toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not
> been told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was ****! Can't you people see the
> plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my
> friends, That chicken is ****. And if you eat that chicken, you will
> become **** too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
> abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
> phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the
> road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
>
> GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
> Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
> enough.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
> listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
> story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
> accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
> together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only
> cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
> balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of
> eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never
> reboot.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
> road move beneath the chicken?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
>
>
> Why did the chicken cross the road?
>
> SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's
> a maverick!
>
> BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for
> change! The chicken wanted change!
>
> JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
> recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
> chickens on the other side of the road.
>
> HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that
> little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
> qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this
> country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this
> really isn't about me.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
> road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road,
> or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no
> middle ground here.
>
> DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
> COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
> satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
>
> BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
>
> AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
> JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
> now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
> the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against
> it.
>
> AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
>
> DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
> that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road
> before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What
> we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking
> on his current problems before adding new problems.
>
> OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
> is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
> chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
> life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just
> drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
> chickens.
>
> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
> but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of
> the road.
>
> NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You
> can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
> was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my
> eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me
> any insider information.
>
> DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
> toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not
> been told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was ****! Can't you people see the
> plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my
> friends, That chicken is ****. And if you eat that chicken, you will
> become **** too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
> abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
> phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the
> road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
>
> GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
> Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
> enough.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
> listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
> story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
> accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
> together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only
> cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
> balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of
> eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never
> reboot.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
> road move beneath the chicken?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
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Post edited by starkiller on
Comments
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LMAO
Keep it coming Alan!Truck setup
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Polk SR104Any clue how to use the internet? Found it in about 10 sec. -
I'll try, its a heavy burden but SOMEBODY has to do it
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You covered all the bases, so you're safe ! That was really good. :biggrin:
.... and pretty accurate, too.Sal Palooza -
Hehe....Political Correctness'.........defined
"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."
President of Club Polk -
Great morning laugh.thanks
-
Very nice, thanks!Panny 55-st30 plasma
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I'm offended,job well done!!!!
If you can't hear a difference, don't waste your money. -
LOL... did i miss one?Main Surround -
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That is classic! I love it. I will have to share that with our congregation! (maybe not, lol)
Did you come up with that one by yourself, or was that passed on?
Thanks for the laughs!!Mitsubishi 60" HD LDP
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