Has anyone tried Cisco?

zingo

Cisco
18% alc. by vol.

Cisco is bottled by the nation's second largest wine company, Canandaigua Wine Co., in Canandaigua, NY and Naples, NY - the same company as Wild Irish Rose.

Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum.

In 1991, Cisco's tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a warning on the label (above right). The FTC also forced them to drop their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was entirely accurate. Read the FTC's full investigation on their own web page at this link. Since those days, Cisco is harder to find outside the slums, although the FTC's demonizing of the drink only bolstered its reputation for getting people trashed. Anyone who overlooks the warning and confuses this with a casual wine cooler is going to get more than they bargained for. Cisco will make a new man out of you. And he wants some too.

Our research shows that Cisco is actually the second best tasting of the five great bum wines, especially if you're having one of those hankerings for cheap Vodka, Jello and Robitussin. We must also note that Cisco is the best of all 5 bum wines at putting the darkest and puffiest bags under your eyes. The nuclear-tinted color of "Cisco RED" is reminiscent of diesel fuel. Most Cisco flavors are named by the fruit flavor that they are trying to emulate, but the one picture is simply called "RED." This chemical disaster will get your head spinning in no time. A test subject reports, "Strawberry Cisco has a bouquet similar to that of Frankenberry cereal fermented in wine cooler with added sprinkle of brandy for presentation." The sticky, sickingly sweet taste with a hint of antifreeze really comes through in the repellant taste of Cisco. Avaliable in various flavors, 375 mL and 750mL sizes. Down a whole 750 mL and you had better be ready to clear your calendar as you suffer through Cisco's legendary 2 day hangover.



BumWine.com

kawizx9r

Lol

Never even heard of this stuff, but wow.

Drink some absinthe, that'll surely mess you up (and I'm not talking about the fake crap here in the states either).

zingo

FOR RELEASE: MARCH 12, 1991




CANANDAIGUA WINE CO. AGREES TO ADVERTISING, PACKAGING CHANGES
FOR CISCO FORTIFIED WINE
TO SETTLE FTC CHARGES


The maker of Cisco, a flavored wine product that contains as
much alcohol as five one-ounce servings of vodka, has agreed to
settle charges with the Federal Trade Commission that the packag-
ing, marketing and advertising of Cisco represent the product as
a wine cooler or other low-alcohol, single-serving drink, and
that this has led to cases of alcohol poisoning where victims
required hospital emergency care.
Under a consent agreement announced today for public com-
ment, Canandaigua Wine Company ("Canandaigua") would be prohib-
ited from representing that Cisco is a low-alcohol product, from
implying that a bottle of Cisco constitutes a single serving, and
from encouraging retailers to display Cisco next to low-alcohol
products like wine coolers.

The agreement also would require Canandaigua to change the
shape of the bottle so that its neck is more elongated, to change
the color of the bottle glass from clear to dark green, and to
recall retail displays implying Cisco is a single-serving
beverage.

Cisco has been the subject of numerous recent news stories.
In a January news conference, U.S. Surgeon General Antonia C.
Novello said of Cisco's current packaging, "It looks like a wine
cooler. It smells like a wine cooler. But it isn't." Novello
has expressed approval of the new Cisco packaging, designed to
bring an end to what she called, "nationwide reports of alcohol
poisoning among teenagers."

- more -

(Cisco--03/12/91)


The FTC's complaint against New York-based Canandaigua
claims that the color and shape of the Cisco bottle resembles
that of other low-alcohol, single-serving beverages such as wine
coolers. (Beverages are considered "low-alcohol" if they contain
less than 7 percent alcohol.) Also, the complaint alleges, the
colors and flavors in which Cisco comes are similar to the colors
and flavors of many wine coolers.

Promotional materials for Cisco suggest that it be sold
alongside similar bottles, according to the complaint, which
cites language in those materials such as, "[Cisco] comes
packaged in distinctive cooler-style bottles . . .," and, "The
key to selling Cisco is proper cold box storage."

The FTC complaint further charges that advertisements imply
that a bottle of Cisco can be consumed as a single serving. In
fact, Cisco is three to five times as potent as low-alcohol,
single-serving beverages. One of the ads cited in the FTC
complaint -- a poster displayed in stores selling Cisco -- shows
a model holding and about to consume the contents of an opened,
full, 12.7 ounce bottle of Cisco.

In sum, the FTC complaint says, the packaging, marketing,
and advertising of Cisco represent that it is a low-alcohol
product that consumers can drink in quantities similar to other
low-alcohol products without increased risk of injury. In fact,
the complaint charges, these representations are deceptive
because Cisco is neither a wine cooler nor a low-alcohol, single-
serving beverage, but rather a 20 percent alcohol product that is
three to five times as potent as low-alcohol beverages. Further,
consumption of Cisco has resulted in consumer injury, the
complaint alleges.

To settle the charges, Canandaigua has agreed to stop:

-- representing that Cisco, or any other flavored product
containing more than 14 percent alcohol, is a low-alcohol
beverage;

-- misrepresenting the package of such a product to be a
single serving (unless it is packaged in a container of 100
milliliters or less); and

-- encouraging distributors and retailers to display such a
product adjacent to low-alcohol beverages.


(Cisco--03/12/91)

Canandaigua has agreed to change the shape and glass color
of the bottle for Cisco, and to begin shipping the product in the
new bottle and packaging after July 1, 1991, unless events beyond
its control delay repackaging. The Surgeon General and the
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms have approved the
proposed repackaging of Cisco fortified wines. The settlement
with the FTC would become a binding agreement.

Under the agreement, Canandaigua would also send a letter to
all distributors and retailers of Cisco asking them to stop
displaying promotional materials for Cisco that imply Cisco is a
single-serving beverage. The letter would request that Cisco not
be displayed adjacent to any low-alcohol beverage and that,
instead, it be displayed with other fortified wines if the store
carries such products.

The proposed consent agreement is subject to public comment
for 60 days, after which the Commission will decide whether to
make it final. Comments should be addressed to the Office of the
Secretary, Federal Trade Commission, 6th Street and Pennsylvania
Avenue N.W., Washington, D.C. 20580.

Copies of the agreement, the complaint, and an analysis of
the agreement are available from the FTC's Public Reference
Branch, Room 130, at the above address; 202-326-2222; TTY 202-
326-2502.

NOTE: A consent agreement is for settlement purposes only, and
does not constitute an admission by the company that it violated
the law. When the Commission issues a consent order on a final
basis, it carries the force of law with respect to future
actions. Each violation of such an order may result in a civil
penalty of up to $10,000.

# # #

MEDIA CONTACT: Bonnie Jansen, Office of Public Affairs
202-326-2180

STAFF CONTACT: Judith Wilkenfeld, Division of Advertising
Practices, 202-326-3150

(File NO. 912-3008)
(Cisco)

jflail2

We used to drink it for laughs in college in the early 90's. HORRIBLE stuff, and the 2 day hangover is troof.

Night train, Wild Irish Rose and Mad Dog were other horrible college drinks of choice. Makes the old 8 ball (old English) or crooked I (Saint Ides) seem downright tasty...

grimmace19

Sounds like I should have heard about it in college...

gelinas

I can't believe you just posted this. I have drank it and other bum wines back in college.

But more notable my brother has had a recent infatuation with bum wine in general. Ironic timing.

*and I see that you have visited bumwine.com I recognize the pictures. They have some pretty funny descriptions over there.

about why boone's farm is not bum wine:

"You won't find empty Boone's bottles in any rail yard or heating vent, but you will find it in the local bowling alley parking lot or make-out spot. There is just no bumvidence to substantiate the bumsworthiness of Boone's Farm."

shack

When I read the title, I thought it was about CRISCO....



I was thinking....mmmmmmmmmmm...biscuits!

zingo wrote:

Has anyone tired Cisco?

And of course I never get tired of buscuits!

Pauly

We used to drink that crap in High School. Cough syrup. Might as well drink Mad Dog.

I just puked in my mouth thinking about both.

bklynNupe

LOL!
oh, I guess that's what that dumb **** androgynous singer ( thong, the-the-the thong) from the '90's named himself after?

I was warned in junior hs about this stuff! I was always afraid...
I did try Boone's farm stawberry hill once with some friends when I was 14; I giggled looking in the mirror for about an hour and went to sleep.

and just googled it; they have a fan club!:eek:
http://www.boonesfarm.net/testimonials.html

Knucklehead

Yuck, Id rather drink antifreeze.

Demiurge

bklynNupe wrote: »

LOL!
oh, I guess that's what that dumb **** androgynous singer ( thong, the-the-the thong) from the '90's named himself after?

I was warned in junior hs about this stuff! I was always afraid...
I did try Boone's farm stawberry hill once with some friends when I was 14; I giggled looking in the mirror for about an hour and went to sleep.

and just googled it; they have a fan club!:eek:
http://www.boonesfarm.net/testimonials.html

Boone's Farm is like a fine wine compared to this crap. Mad Dog 20/20 is the worst, IMO.

tonyb

Thanks Shack, now I'm friggin' craving biscuits. Sausage and biscuits that is,yum.

As far as that other crap the OP listed, who on earth drinks that stuff anyway ?

Sherardp

Dang it Shack, now I want some fresh biscuits since it's morning time here.

Used to drink Cisco as young kid in school myself. Think they used to call it liquid cocaine at one point.

BlueFox

Works as well as their networking equipment.

gelinas

Demiurge wrote: »

Boone's Farm is like a fine wine compared to this crap. Mad Dog 20/20 is the worst, IMO.

Mad dog is not neirly as bad as cisco,Thunderbird or Night Train.

strider

Thunderbird is the word and you're light as a feather.