My $2.00 Star Wars Adventure

Since I was in Monroe, Louisiana (pop. 50,000) to attend my nephew's high school graduation, I decided to take advantage of the area's low population density and check out Episode II.

I choose the 12:05 PM bargain matinee. Certainly, the price was right: $2.00. When I arrived at the mall, I was greeted by the sight of EIGHT elementary school buses. I thought nothing of it because I assumed they were there for some special kiddie program at the mall. WRONG! Most of them were there for a special kiddie matinee of SW:EPII. I arrived at the theater at 11:40 AM. There was a line of 15 in front of me: nine fanboys, one elderly couple, a man with two small children, and one other fellow who appeared normal.

The fanboy two persons ahead of me was very upset by having to wait while the kiddies finished their movie. He kept turning around and staring at the end of the increasinglyly long line. I was amused by his apparent view that the increasing line foretold some impending disaster. Thankfully, he didn't pull out his toy lightsaber and start hacking. He was wound so tight that it seemed like he might burst a blood vessel in his brain at any moment. The line only got to about 100 persons. The theater sat about 400. I actually had an entire row to myself. The kids should have been out by the time I arrived, but they were 30 minutes late arriving at the theater, and the movie did not start until they arrived. Therefore, accounting for the little kiddie's late arrival and the time it took for 300 of them to vacate the theater, we weren't seated until 12:40 PM. Previews of coming attractions were already playing and the movie started at 12:50 PM.

What did I think of Episode II? Well, I was entertained but I thought there were too many things going on at one time. The war story/love story/political intrige story all distracted me from really getting into the movie. I had a hard time determining which was the central storyline and which were the subplots.

I wasn't bothered by all the CGI stuff. I like cartoons, even live action ones. Some kids never grow up, you know. The action scenes were great, particularly Yoda's light saber action. I wish that scene had went on a little longer.

I didn't particularly care for Hayden Christensen's portrayal of Anakin Skywalker. I thought he was totally unbeliveable. His reading of Anakin was too emotional and "wussy" for me. He just seemed to be too overwhelmed by everything going on. Ten years of Jedi training didn't seem to have helped him much. In Episode I we saw Anakin as a smart, courageous, confident, and optimistic young boy who could "fix" just about anything. After ten years of Obi Wan's tutelage, we find an arrogant and insecure jerk who nearly sprays his shorts at the mere sight of his childhood crush.

My favorite parts of the whole affair was seeing Natialie Portman do her "Laura Croft" action heroine thing. She always seemed to be in greater control of her emotions and had better ability to deal with adverse situations than her Jedi "protectors". It was impossible to believe that a gutsy babe like Amidala would fall for a "drama queen" like Anakin ("I'll do anything you want, Padme") Skywalker. I guess this is supposed to be an example of opposites attracting.

I was a little disappointed by the ending. I was hoping for something with a little more "impact". All in all, a nice treat for fans of the Star Wars movies. The uninitiated might get a little restless. I left the theater feeling that this movie was nothing more than a setup for Episode III.:p



If you paid any more than this, call the cops, you've been robbed!