The Anti-Micah

Seeing as Micah has the stomach of a pansy, I would give him explosive diarrhea the likes of which mankind would never be able to imagine. You know that scene in American pie where shitbreak looses it in the school...worse, much much worse.

You know, now that I think about this more, I am realizing how sick Micah really is...does he wack off to the noises of his underaged rednecked neighbor while eating buckets of Kentucky fried manparts? Unless he meant eating me in that necrophillic sort of way, but that is just too twisted to think about. This is most disturbing indeed.

So now, we are forced to deal with a horrible question...just how sick is this freak we call Micah? Pulling the wings off fly's, peeking into changing booths...in the mens section of the big and tall store, running down little old ladies in his horribly underpowered Dodge Stratus (think Will Farrel's SNL skit "I AM AN IMPORTANT MAN!!! I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!) Of course, this particular freakish hobby would result in his phatty ride getting stolen by said little old lady...it's just that easy. Of course this all leads to the inevitable; torturing puppy dogs by making them listen to his inane drivel for hours on end (a privilege normally reserved to our proud lot on the forum)...you know I would actually pity the puppy for not being able to end its existence at that point...and I am horribly afraid of death.

You know, these perverted examples of depravity are not all bad. Maybe Micah does have a beneficial use in society. These disturbing images that are a look into the life of an antisocial misfit are what I will use to scare my children into behaving when they commit their worst acts of rebellion...oh and how I will have the most behaved children in eternity. "Don't do that or you'll end up like Micah." You know, the only problem I have with that is that it definitely borders on child abuse.

The Anti Micah

"Daddy please stop...noo daddy...why are you telling me these horrible things." Unknown child pleading with his father to stop using "the Micah technique."