THE OFFICIAL I'm bored out of my mind at work on a Friday Thread

tryrrthg

Alright everyone, I'm bored to death at work today. Let's make today interesting for everyone who feels the same way!

Post the funniest **** you can find.

Post funny pictures,

Post pictures of hot chicks,

say something funny,

do ANYTHING to help this day go faster! PLEASE!

I'll get us started with the classic Mullet!

http://www.mulletsgalore.com/

RuSsMaN

http://www.talonse.com/supergreg.swf

(don't forget to use the three buttons under the flash display)

Cheers,
Russ

dylan

THE GRIPE SHEETS

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, Which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

tryrrthg

Inspired by Dylan's Sig, more Jack Handey quotes:

If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" "No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots."

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions' and if you got a different 'impression' so what, can't we all be brothers?

Probably to a shark about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because where does he think he's going?!

If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake.You have to let nudity "happen."

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some **** he picked up in town.

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of mass destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that
said, "I helped skin Bob."

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, how's it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car.

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

dcarlson

http://www.nabiscoworld.com/games/cat_arcade.htm

Try the miniputt ones. They're hard at first but very addictive and fun.

rs159

\/ Computer sub \/

tryrrthg

Thanks guys! it's working! It's almost noon already! Keep'em coming!

http://www.angelfire.com/alt/tryrrthg/88dodgesaires.asx

ken brydson

http://webpages.charter.net/hkirtley/stress/

ken brydson

Man of the Year Nominee

ken brydson

>A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy,
> >Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all
> >the other kids could only count to four, but I counted
> >to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
> >"Very good," said her mother.
> >
> >"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
> >
> >"Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
> >
> >
> >The next day, the girl came skipping home from school.
> >"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the
> >alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say
> >it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F,
> >G!"
> >
> >"Very good," said her mother.
> >
> >"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
> >
> >"Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
> >
> >The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
> >"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class
> >today, and when ! we showered, all the other girls had
> >flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her
> >tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
> >
> >"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
> >
> >"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
> >
> >"No, it's because you're 25."

Ron-P

From that 'Super Greg' Video, it looks as though he is trying to pinch off the loaf of a life-time.


Peace Out~:D

hoosier21

This one is very cool

http://www.getdead.com/test/movies/suzuki.wmv

Ron-P

Ron-P

RuSsMaN

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
















Christopher Walken.




Thank you folks, thank you, I'm here all week.....don't forget to tip your waitress and bartender.

Cheers
Russ

HBombToo

Russman that is funny. I need another beer. What a week!

just got back from KC and I think I found a decent house with a MANCAVE! Cross your fingers and lets hope it works out because the wife is happy and Stonehenge will become a reality.

The strangest thing that happened was on Thursday night I made it back to the Hotel after a long day and being told HBomb2 was in the oven:cool: Say a prayer for me cause the first was a tough 1!

HBomb

fireshoes

Congrats Henry!

Frank Z

Henry! Now we know what you've been doing!!:eek:

Congrats to you and the Mrs.

burdette

Bubba got back to his home in Nawlens, and his daddy axed him.. Bubba.. how was yo honeymoon?

Bubba said.. awful, daddy.. I had to kill her...

Daddy said.. Bubba.. you mean you was on yo honeymoon with yo bran' new wife and you had to kill her? How come?

Well, daddy... she wasn't a virgin..

Bubba.. you kilt yer bran' new wife on her honeymoon cuz she weren't no virgin... how come?

Daddy... if she ain't good enuf fo her OWN family, she ain't good enuf fo ours!



Henry... got your message.. don't know what the problem was with the phone. Sorry we didn't talk, but of course no problem with you guys hanging out at home. We'd really like to give you guys an evening off, so hopefully one day this week you and the family can come over and take a load off.

You dog... you had SEX! And you didn't tell us! What was it like? Do you remember? Was she awake?

Good to know the little bomber ain't droppin' duds. Congratulations, honestly. My daughter is just FILLED with advice for your daughter on how to be a big sister. We had a birthday party on Sat. for my daughter.. who turns 6 on Monday. She wants to go to a local Mexican restaurant and "get free ice cream and wear the big hat." I had to tell her.. "honey.. we all want free ice cream and to wear the big hat."

HBombToo

Originally posted by burdette


You dog... you had SEX! And you didn't tell us! What was it like? Do you remember? Was she awake?

I realize i'm this little balding, short and fat Italian but I do my best. That said, your questions have confused me??? I thought you were a smart man? Sherry is way cool and easy to look @. and i have always enjoyed horizontal aerobics

Twin:p

gidrah

I sure hope that's not the same Bubba I was reading about in The Daily Post. Watch out guys! He gets around.

Gongrats Henry! Maybe you'll have twins. I can imagine Stonehenge and am scared. Jealous but scared.

jbowl

Straight Eye...

LiquidSound

Be happy you're not in this
family album...

LiquidSound

1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6) Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9) Earth.... is the insane asylum for the universe.

10) I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

14) I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather.... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

15) God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.

16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

19) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

20) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

21) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!

22) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With **** Holes!

23) "That's It! I'm Calling Nana!" (seen on an 8-year old)

24) "Wrinkled".... 'Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

25) "Procrastinate..... Now"

26) "Rehab..... Is for Quitters"

27) "My Dog.... Can Lick Anyone"

28) "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"

29) "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)

30) "Finally 21, and Legally Able to do Everything I've been doing since was 15"

31) "Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last names"

32) "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."

33) "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"

34) "A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

35) "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"

36) "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

37) "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"

38) "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken"

39) "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"

40) "Time is fun when you're having flies"...Kermit the Frog

41) "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on."

42) "FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."

43) "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

44) "HAM AND EGGS - "A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig."

45) "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."

46) "The trouble with life is there's no background music."

47) "The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."

48) "MOP AND GLOW - The Floor Wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team."

49) "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room spinning-medicine."

50) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

51) Never be afraid to try something new.

52) Remember that amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

LiquidSound

And who can forget...

tryrrthg

I'm bored on a Friday again so lets resurrect this thread!

a little something to make a Friday a little more interesting.

How about an open mouth kiss between Madonna and Britany Spears at the MTV VMA's wish I had seen that!

polkatese

how 'bout it?

polkatese

encore!

VR3

mmhmm

brettw22

Jesus.........whomever put their child in the kitchen sink, WITH all the dishes, and especially the knives showing, out to be shot in the head. How that would be considered a bath is just wrong.....and WTF could go through a parents mind to put their baby in with knives..........

Paul Connor

Dear Diary:

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And, I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??????"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

I'm thinking "What was her first clue?". I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you........ she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ....... it went completely blank. I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008.
DDS