Need some Polk brothers advice please

My mother passed away December 24th from COPD and other problems. My brother and I are the sole benificiaries of her will with my brother being the executure. So we never have gotten along as good as we should have. Living five hours away from each other helps. We had and estate auction for her antiques and we are getting ready to auction her house off too. Because he lived close to her. One mile away his whole adult life. His family and him and even my wife condemn me for not being there for her in the end. I have asked him for a copy of paperwork for each asset and each debit she owes. That was two weeks ago. Still nothing. They all **** at me for not trusting him. He has been a liar my whole life and a rip off artist to boot. His family and my wife think he’s an Angel and I am a demon. I feel it is his obligation as excecuture to furnish me with these items? He does not work because of chronic back problems so it is not as issue of not having time. I think my wife is done with me. Which really sucks since my kids are only 13 and 15. I really do not want to get a lawyer involved. Appreciate any and all help. This is really tearing me apart. Peace. D
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Comments

  • ken brydson
    ken brydson Posts: 8,640
    Wow, I got nothing. Best wishes for an amicable resolution man...
  • Jaybeez
    Jaybeez Posts: 737
    That’s a tough one. Do you have contact info for the Estate lawyer? Depending on the situation the lawyer who drew up the will may or may not be involved in the settlement. Asking the lawyer for the information may be better as you’ll put him/her on notice that you expect an accounting.
    You can also check with the Probate judge and ask for an accounting as well.
    Doesn’t sound like your brother is inclined to give you information but the judge will require it to settle the estate.
    Good luck and hope things work out.
  • Upstatemax
    Upstatemax Posts: 2,623
    For simple tax reasons, you should have a FULL accounting of the estate. Trust or not.

    We went through this whole estate stuff this past year after my mother in-law passed. It was not a large estate and that was a still a PIA.

    My wife and her sister shared ALL documents, my wife was the executor. They trust each other 100%, but they still made sure everyone had full visibility to what was in the estate, what happened to it and how much money had to trade hands.

    The fact that he is not sending the paperwork is a giant red flag, IMO.
  • Dabutcher
    Dabutcher Posts: 2,588
    edited March 2018
    There are three credit cards that are the debt. Assets are a house and antiques already sold in an auction. This is all I know because I have not seen anything accept will. I thought it was a reasonable request. I am trying to be cordial and not piss off wife or him and his family. He has accused me of not trusting him by asking for these documents. Thanks. D
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  • rooftop59
    rooftop59 Posts: 7,952
    I don’t have anything helpful to say other than that sucks man. Only thing I offer is to focus on the wife and kids, forget the rest of you can.

    Best of luck brother.
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  • Dabutcher
    Dabutcher Posts: 2,588
    Right on RT. That’s what I am trying to do. Peace
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  • afterburnt
    afterburnt Posts: 7,892
    FWIW my family are a bunch of vultures they probably wouldn't tell me if my mom died until they picked the carcass clean so I would get nothing. What they don't understand is that I am not like them, I want nothing nor do I feel entitled to anything that was my mothers. That said I think you should be more concerned with your family busting up. I guess if that happens maybe you need the proceeds from the estate to keep you from having to live in your car.
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,902
    Explain to your brother you just want to keep everything on the up and up, out in the open. That's the only way to go through the process without hurt feelings, for both of you.

    Getting a lawyer could eat up much of what you'd inherit. Try appealing to common sense first.
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  • verb
    verb Posts: 10,176
    Derf wrote: »
    Each state has its own requirements for probate, but they all at a minimum require the executor to provide an accounting of assets to each beneficiary as well as a copy of the will and any other testamentary document the executor knows of in which the beneficiary is named. I’ve been doing probate work in FL for 20 years, feel free to PM me with your phone number and I’ll call to discuss if you want. If you’re not in FL won’t know your state laws but we can at least speak about estates, generally.

    Agree with @Derf . Very sorry for your loss. Be careful as these situations often brings out he worst in people. They can easily turn into a money grab or material possession grab. Hire an advocate to assist you so that you don't have to get into the usual bickering, etc., that happens during these times.
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  • GospelTruth
    GospelTruth Posts: 403
    People who say to just "trust" them and won't show you the information are typically hiding something. People on the up and up would have no issue showing the documentation you asked for. Trust is something that is earned, not given. From your description, there is no trust and it doesn't look like your brother is willing to earn it either.
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  • gudnoyez
    gudnoyez Posts: 8,056
    Wow sorry to hear this D, take that advice that Derf is willing to provide you. I hope things work out for you.
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  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    I'm sorry for your loss. Now with that being said, your mother made her choice by making your brother the executor of her estate. The will has to go through probate at any rate, and an accounting needs to be done.

    You should be able to find out which court, and make a request through them to get the information.

    All debts will have to be paid out of the estate so you will not be liable.

    You should concern yourself more with keeping your own family together.
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  • pitdogg2
    pitdogg2 Posts: 24,478
    edited March 2018
    I'm very sorry to hear D. Take care brother and focus on the important things first and foremost.
    Post edited by pitdogg2 on
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,009
    edited March 2018
    I'm sorry for your loss too.

    I was in the exact same boat you're in , except I had no kids envolved. My Mother was the second to leave this earth and she prepared a Will. My Mother made my Sister-in-Law Executor. I believe for the sole reason to keep my simple-minded Brother married for a few more years to this woman AND to keep my simple-minded Nephew from my Sister out of trouble for 4 years.

    Thank God I didn't need money or all hell would've broken loose. I could've even bought my Mother's house and rented it out but I feel my Brother, Sister and Nephew would'be burned it down right after I remodeled it.

    My Brother wanted to sell it quick for 40K to some guy. All of them said sure. I said go ahead but you can get over a 100K for it if you have it appraised. With-in a week that same guy offered 120K for it WITHOUT an appraisal. They asked me if that was fine and I said yea, what-ever. It could've sold for 160K but they were all hungry for beer and drug money, except my Brothers Wife. She was just a dumba** doing what-ever those three wanted her to do.

    My wife's family was broken up over her Mothers Will and money. My family was broken up over my Mothers Will and money. And it was because of envious and lying people. Just like your Brother maybe is.

    We, my wife and I are the outcasts because we saved and have everything paid for. Our relatives partied all the time, never planning for the future.

    I say you should follow your instincts because of your Brothers history and do like a lot here have said. Weigh your financial situation to your mothers wishes that she had for you and your family.

    Change what you can and let go of what you can't.

    What does your wife suggest you do to make her happier in this situation?
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • Hermitism
    Hermitism Posts: 4,192
    I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry a difficult situation is being made even more difficult by others.
  • teekay0007
    teekay0007 Posts: 2,289

    Sorry for your loss, D. I hope you and your brother can at least be cordial while working through this. I don't understand your wife's not supporting you in this since she'd probably be the only person knowing the true nature of your long term relationship with your brother.


    Derf wrote: »
    Each state has its own requirements for probate, but they all at a minimum require the executor to provide an accounting of assets to each beneficiary as well as a copy of the will and any other testamentary document the executor knows of in which the beneficiary is named. I’ve been doing probate work in FL for 20 years, feel free to PM me with your phone number and I’ll call to discuss if you want. If you’re not in FL won’t know your state laws but we can at least speak about estates, generally.

    Please take Derf up on his very generous offer. Even though you're in different states, he could certainly give you the impartial guidance you need and acquaint you with the terminology and the general procedure of what you are about to go through.

    Good luck to you.
  • Jaybeez
    Jaybeez Posts: 737
    I think the common thread here is that the law requires accountability. Thinking Derf can help you draft up effective, respectful communication to the court to get what you need.
    One POV to consider is that of what your brother is dealing with. I was tasked with settling my sister's estate over the past two years, and it is a difficult and confusing process. Most of what I had to check on / deal with needed to be done during "work hours". Despite a good partnership with her attorney, I had to figure out a lot of stuff on my own, while maintaining my standing at work, and not ignoring my family.
    Appealing directly to the court assures you get the info you need without adding burden to your brother's current workload.
    Just food for thought.
  • treitz3
    treitz3 Posts: 18,230
    Please accept my sincerest condolences for your Mom's passing.

    Tom
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  • kharp1
    kharp1 Posts: 3,453
    Condolences on your loss. Hopefully you can find a way to get through this without the destruction of your family.
  • starkiller
    starkiller Posts: 2,723
    I second and third Derf's offer to help as I went through this with my parents estate. My brother was the executor and since he was and is a control freak it was a very difficult time. Since no one wants to talk about wills and such until its too late it makes things harder then they should be. Mom and Dad never really talked about their wills and such and I really wish they had. People in general don't want to talk about it, making a will--maybe--talking about it--no :(
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